Paul the Pastafarisee

Paul the Pastafarisee April 1, 2008

A fragmentary manuscript discovered just this week is likely to be extremely controversial among both Christians and Pastafarians. It is a letter written by the apostle Paul to the Pastafarians in Galatia. On the one hand, Paul’s adherence to Pastafarianism will be shocking for many who assumed that Paul’s adherence to Christianity was exclusive. On the other hand, Paul’s teachings about pirate regalia are not in keeping with later Pastafarian orthodoxy and will be controversial in those circles as well.

Only the beginning and end of the letter have survived, but the similarity to Paul’s authentic letters suggests that this is indeed a letter written by the apostle. The surviving text reads as follows:

Paul, an apostle—sent not from men nor by man, but by the Flying Spaghetti Monster (heapings of parmesan and fresh basil be upon him)— and all the pirates with me,
To the pastafarians in Galatia:

Grace and peace to you from the one who covered himself in glorious marinara sauce and touched us with his noodly appendage. Amen.
. . .

Those who want to make a good impression outwardly are trying to compel you to dress as they do. The only reason they do this is to avoid being persecuted for their Pastafarianism. Not even those who are dressed in full pirate regalia obey the teachings of the FSM (garlic and drippings of olive oil be upon him), yet they want you to dress that way that they may boast about your fashion sense. May I never boast except in my carbohydrate-rich master, who upon the Damascus Road touched me with his noodly appendage. Neither pirate regalia nor lack of pirate regalia means anything; what counts is a new creation.

Peace and mercy to all who follow this rule, even to the Pirates of God.

Finally, let no one cause me trouble, for I bear on my body the tiny cuts you get when making noodles by hand.

The taste of pasta be with your spirit, pirates. Ramen.

Happy April Fools Day everyone!

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