The Sermon on the American Mount

Another gem from Jeff Carter. This time he gives what most Americans seem to think Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount:

You have heard it said, “Do not resist an evil person,” but I tell you “shoot first,” it’s your second amendment duty to shoot bad guys.    If anyone slaps you on the right cheek don’t wait for the police, take charge of the situation yourself and put a bullet in them.  And if anyone wants to take away your firearms, sue them.  Never give away your rights.

You have heard, “Love your neighbor as well as your enemy,” but I tell you that that is a totally ridiculous idea.  When has praying for your enemy ever worked?    If you love your enemies, what reward will you get?  Shot in your own home, most likely because it’s not like the police are going to get there in time.

You have head that it was said to the people long ago, “You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment,” but I tell you that it’s not murder if it’s done in self defense.

Do not think that I have come to abolish the Constitution or the Bill of Rights; I have not come to abolish them, but to protect their original intent.  Anyone who sets aside one of the least of these amendments will be called least in the kingdom.