My Life Through the Lens of Race

by Laura Todd, MTS Student
Rhetoric of Race Class-Summer 2012 part of the Rhetoric Race and Religion Institute
*Special Rhetoric Race and Religion

My life has been shaped by my race in many ways but this is something I did not realize until I became older. My emotions, feeling, and thoughts about race have been shaped by my family, friends, church, school, and work environments. For example, I grew up in a small area in West Tennessee that was majority White with a small percentage of African Americans, Hispanics, and Indians. My parents were not from this area. My father grew up in Illinois and my mother was from Georgia so they had different views about race than other families in the area. I grew up in a family that was very open and thankful for my parents giving me the opportunity to interact with people of difference races than I was.

My emotions and feelings about race have changed over the years. To be honest from what I remember from when I was younger I do not remember hearing people talk about race, and I don’t remember thinking about it as a child. As I have grown older I have learned that the environment that we live in influences how we think and talk without us ever realizing it or talking about a particular subject in general. Even though we never talked about race specifically as the subject it would be brought subconsciously in our live in other ways. For example, when I was in elementary school I remember having two Hispanic classmates from Mexico. I remember thinking that is great to have friends from another country, but I also remember thinking what if they move and I never see them again. I remember feeling this because that were not from that area or if there skin was of certain color usually moved. As a child I did not understand why until I grew older. Overtime I learned that people in the town that I grow up in used to call people the “N” word and use other derogatory remarks to describe people that were African Americans and Hispanic. When I would hear that word used it would always make me feel uncomfortable but as a kid I did not feel like I could speak up against people using those words.

I also played different sports when I was younger and some of my teammates were of different races and some of them from other countries. My relationships with these friends that I had growing up playing sports taught me to not worry about what other people thought and said. I was taught by those friends that race should not become a barrier when I am trying to get to know someone.

Other feelings and emotions that I remember about race growing up is how I felt after reading To Kill A Mockingbird. I thought of this book because they had a special showing of the movie on television a few weeks ago. To be honest even to this day I still have a hard time thinking about that book. When I was younger for some reason I never could pass a test that was given on this book. Reading this book caused me to question what why people would lie about something someone did because that person was of a difference race than them. I remember feeling mad, frustrated, and scared. I also remember thinking that it was not fair people were considered to be guilty for something they did not do because of their race. Of course, when I first read this book as a kid I did not truly understand what racial issues were going on.

I went to undergraduate college at Lambuth University in Jackson, Tennessee you could see racial separation in the on-campus dorms and where people would hang out between classes. In the cafeteria racial division was very prevalent. The Caucasians would sit in one area, the African Americans and the Hispanics would be setting in another area. It was like people separated themselves in these different areas in their lives without even thinking about it. There was also one African American sorority on campus. I was not a member of a sorority on campus but I did notice that most of the sororities or fraternities did not have African American members or people of other races. Another thing that I remember about the city of Jackson was how the Lambuth University camps was the dividing line in the city where the Caucasians lived on the North side of the campus and the African Americans lived on the South side of the campus.

The Jewish synagogue was also in area not far from the university. This always seemed odd to me that the university location had an unspoken rule of where people lived. This was an example of an unspoken rule that made racial separation occur without people ever really thinking about it or realize what was going on. We were being taught without any words being spoken that people of different races do not live in the same neighborhood.

If you asked people on campus I think we all would have said we are not racially divided but we would not be telling the truth. Some days I would wonder why we were so separated. We had a chapel service once a week and in that service you would also see division among where people set in the service. You would also see a division in where people would set in the class room. When it comes to the general thinking about race for my college classmates I think we knew what was going on but we were not willing to talk about the issues openly and honestly because we were not mature enough to do so.

My junior year in college year I took a class where we studied the life of Martin Luther King Junior. As we were watching one of the videos about him I had a variety of feelings and emotions about race run through me. I remember thinking that we have a bunch of hypocrites out there in the world that call themselves Christians. I remember feeling mad, frustrated, and upset when I saw the pictures of people being kicked, beaten, and arrested because they were African American. The caused me to ask myself many questions. Do we act this way because we are racist? Do we think like this because people are ignorant? How did racism start? Why did people ever think it was right to treat anyone differently because of the color of our skin?

One time a friend of mine that grew up in Birmingham, Alabama said she was visiting the National Civil Rights Museum in Memphis. She said as she walking through the museum she noticed a picture of a white man that was involved in a protest and she thought to herself that man looked familiar. After she examined the picture more closely she realized the man was a member of the church that she grew up in. This man was also an elder in the church for many years. Hearing this story causes me to feel angry and bothered. This made me think that at some point in time all people are guilty of being racist and we do not even realize that we are. In the church we like to say that we are loving and caring and that we do not judge people because of their race and actions but that is not true.

For example, the denomination that I am a member of technically has two separate denominations that use the same Confession of Faith for their beliefs. The difference in the two denominations is the Cumberland Presbyterian Church is primarily Caucasian and the Cumberland Presbyterian Church in America is primarily African American. Last year at there General Assembly discussed how these two denominations could be unified and do organized activities together. I remember

people being so excited about this idea and thinking this should have happened years ago. To be honest we should be ashamed of ourselves for waiting this long to talk about uniting together as one.

I moved to the city of Memphis to attend graduate school at The University of Memphis in the summer of 2006. When I moved to Memphis I realized that the tension concerning race was higher here than I was use to. I worked as a Graduate Assistant at the Health Center on campus and my co-worker Andy was from Washington State and attended a local college in that area. When he learned that we did not have school on Labor Day or Martin Luther King Jr day he was surprised. I remember thinking to myself and then saying this is Memphis, Tennessee the city were Dr. King got shot and this city has played some major roles in the Civil Rights Movement. I think we were both shocked and surprised by what we had learned from each other. I did not think twice about being off of work and school and that day and he was surprised that we were off.

I currently have two part-time jobs one of those jobs is at Colonial Cumberland Presbyterian Church. On Sunday mornings for our education programs and on Wednesday night we have children and youth that attend our programs are from a variety of races. Right now when I teach Sunday school for the youth and a majority of the students are African American. Seeing the youth interact with each other has taught me so much. They are willing to work together when a friend is having a hard time trying to read something.

The youth at church have also showed me how racism is still prevalent in our society and in our churches. One example of this is I have a hard time getting our youth to stay for the worship service. There are a lot of reasons why they do not stay but one of the reasons is because of racism. Members of my church will say that they are not racist but they really are. A few Sundays ago a few of my youth decided that they would stay for the worship service. They are sitting in their seat behaving and I go to talk to them and one of the members in the congregation makes a rude comment. She says, “They better go to the bathroom now before church starts so they do not have leave.” If these youth had been white this person would not have said one word to us but because they were black that person made that statement. I remember thinking I cannot believe that she just said that and God please help me to not respond rudely.

During the week I work at the Church Health Center teaching, health coaching, and talking to people from different places. My work environment teaches me everyday that people of different races can work together and achieve amazing things. Every time that I see people working and learning together it is for me a glimpse of God working through the creation God has created. I have worked with co-workers, interns and patients from Mexico, India, England, etc. From them I have learned that getting to know people that are of another race is a blessing not just to me but to our world. Unfortunately, we have made race an obstacle that prevents us for getting to know one another and ourselves as children of God.

To be honest there are more times than I would like to admit that I have thought and said certain things that are racist and inappropriate. As I honestly think about those things I realize that my environment that I have lived in has played a part in my thoughts and actions about race. When I visit my parents and happen to see an old family friend as soon as they find out that I work and live in the Memphis area they as me if I am scared and if I feel safe living there. I resist the urge to tell them that since I have lived in Memphis parts of my car have been stolen and I have had to respond to a shooting in the parking lot at my work. If I told them that would automatically assume that the people involved in these incidents were African American and make mean racial remarks. I politely respond that someone could break into a house anywhere they wanted and at any time and that I feel safe where I live. I do not even have a security system at my house. It is comments like these and my responses that make me realize that I need to do and say more when it comes to the rhetoric of race in my life.