When God Says No: Part 1

R3 Contributor

I’ve been thinking about R3 Editor Andre E. Johnson’s recent question posed in a sermon; “Can our faith handle God saying ‘No’?” And I’ve been thinking about it within the intersecting space of rhetoric, race and religion-and not just because that’s the name of the blog. Before I was a collegiate student of Philosophy, I was female, black and Pentecostal and I’ve found the world, especially the academic and hip-hop parts of the world, rarely examined through that particularly segmented lens. Sure, there are folks writing about neo-Pentecostalism, but rarely are they Pentecostal, neo or otherwise. But like many predominantly black and brown spaces, no alarms are sounded when perimeters of experience are breached. For an illuminating contrast, one can only imagine the outrage if cisgendered academics defined the terms of the sexual binary as it relates to transgendered folks or those outside of and unsympathetic to the LGBT community dominated the academic and popular discourse about that community.

So I’m wading gingerly into these deep waters of faith in the face of “No”, holding up all the layers of my various slips, petticoats and big girl panties. I’m a 4^th generation Apostolic, Pentecostal “Jesus only” kind of Christian and my family worships in the same congregation my maternal great-grandparents joined 100 years ago. I’m a black, milk or dark chocolate skinned (depending on how much time I’ve been in my garden), short, full-bodied woman with thick (except on top), tight natural hair. My parents married before I was conceived, stayed married for 63 years (and counting!) achieved hard-fought, middle-class status and raised four kids. My sisters and I all went to prep school and Wellesley, and our brother went to Carnegie-Mellon. Recently widowed, my amazing husband, Charles Nabrit, “CMadison”, a brilliant brother from an accomplished family and a Dartmouth alum, put me through law school and helped me start a business, PN&A;, Inc. that’s still viable 27 years later and well into it’s 2^nd generation. We homeschooled our sons until twins Charles and Damon went to Princeton and Evan went to Amherst-and I teach Sunday School and write books.

Bona fides aside, the question of how (or if) faith can be sustained in the face of God’s “No” fits squarely in the intersection of rhetoric, race and religion. It’s a question that can ferry us between the dismissive and the persuasive. In Acts 26:24-28 When Festus dismisses Paul, thou art beside thyself; much learning doth make thee mad, King Agrippa counters with Almost thou persuadest me to be a Christian. This is an interesting juxtaposition for someone raised in the black Apostolic, Pentecostal, Azusa Street derived tradition and educated like Moses “in Pharaoh’s daughter’s palaces.” The beauty of Holiness and the simplicity of the Oneness doctrine tradition, complete with speaking in other tongues, foot washing, weekly fasting and “Solemn Assembly” (Joel 1:14, yeah, it’s pretty obscure) often results in a dismissive response from outside the community.

The so-called sanctified church often is described as cultish, country, ignorant, backward and loud. While many black folks native to America have some familial connection to the sanctified church, few remain in the tradition if they have achieved significant academic, professional or financial success, because it’s quirky, the services are very long, and if you bring a visitor, especially a white/Caucasian visitor, then you gotta translate and well, “Ain’t nobody got time for ‘dat!”

But one of the great and persuasive things about the tradition is the building of faith through the reading and studying of the Word. Long before Def Jam was a concept, I knew the power of the Word, John 1:1, In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God; the spoken Word and sent Word, Matthew 8:8 The centurion answered and said, Lord, I am not worthy that thou shouldest come under my roof: but speak the word only, and my servant shall be healed.

I grew up on Mark 11:24, Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. Long before law school I knew about conditional, “if/then” contracts because of Matthew 18:19, …if two of you shall agree on earth as touching anything that they shall ask, it shall be done… When I went off to prep school and Wellesley I already knew the answer to the question posed in Genesis 18:14, Is anything too hard or too wonderful [a]for the Lord? and the answer supplied later in Jeremiah 32:17 Alas, Lord God! Behold, You have made the heavens and the earth by Your great power and by Your outstretched arm! There is nothing too hard or too wonderful for You. All of that is pretty persuasive.

But knowing that He cancomplicates the question of faith when He doesn’twhich brings me back to Andre’s question. “Can our faith handle God saying ‘No’? And for me the question isn’t rhetorical (no pun intended;) because my much beloved husband of 36 years, 8 months and 24 days died in May. But to answer the question I have to move past using scripture as mindless quips and empty bromides. Somebody screaming out Isaiah 53:5 by His stripes we are healed! doesn’t help with the hard work of sustained faith when physical healing doesn’t occur. And while I know the promises of Romans 5:5, …hope maketh not ashamed and Romans 8:28 …all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose, I don’t see any good (yet) and even if I’m not actually ashamed, CMadison’s death is more than a tad awkward given how openly I blogged about his health, my prayers and his presumed healing.

But at this point on September 11th, 114 days since CMadison’s death (yeah, I’m still counting the days…) the waters of grief are really too deep for wading, even with my skirts and slips hiked all the way up. This is the point where I have to be able to walk on top of the waters of grief or drown in them-and that requires enough faith and trust to not look down. If my Christian practice is to move toward perfection, if continuous process improvement is a goal and not just a slogan, then I have to move beyond the dark glare of the incomprehensible. In the wake of CMadison’s death, which is incomprehensible to me having followed the New Testament instructions in James 5:14-15,

Is any sick among you? let him call for the elders of the church; and let them pray over him, anointing him with oil in the name of the Lord: And the prayer of faith shall save the sick, and the Lord shall raise him up.

I am learning to deal with the challenge of faith when God says “No.”

To be continued……

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