Sticks, Stones,Words, & Punches: They All Hurt!

I was very young and in an abusive relationship. Part of me knew that was not ok but part of me believed that I provoked it, he was just having a hard time, he just needed me to love him well, or that if I fought back and “won” it made it ok (I will admit that over time at times I was the aggressor). I also believed that he would make good on his promise to do worse (which he made good on two years later when I became pregnant by someone else). I was one of the lucky ones. God spared my life. One of those punches should’ve taken me out, including one while driving down the highway. I am here writing my story instead of a journalist telling it on the five o’clock news. For that, I am eternally grateful to God!

I’ll add that weak has never described me. I know strength. I have strength. I have intervened on domestic abuse in my very own family as a young girl. I have raised two daughters alone and they are FEARLESSLY AMAZING! I have carried my family through the worst of times. I have shouldered loads never meant for one person. Strength? Yea, I know strength! Yes, I have strength! However, I did not have the mind (for lack of a better word) to leave that situation before it exploded to the irreparable. I hated myself for a long time for staying as long as I did. I hated myself for taking what I took. I also loved him very much and believed he was a good person that just needed me to love him well.

I am sharing this story in the wake of all of these domestic violence tragedies we’ve experienced or re-experienced over the last week in the news. I am sharing this story in the strength (that my knees are shaking in) to stand. I am sharing this story because some person’s ears (and heart) are open in a way that they may have never or will never be open again. I am sharing this story out of love. I am sharing this story hoping that you will never believe it happened to me and yet identify with my now strength and muster up some of your own. I am sharing this story hoping someone will surround someone with love. I am sharing this story hoping someone will say the words they need to say to someone. I am sharing this story praying it helps.

In closing I’d like to share an excerpt of a prayer someone prayed for me after I shared this story.

“Lord God, even now I pray that you would move on my sister’s heart and her mind. You have been here with her in dangers seen and unseen. In times sure and unsure. I times of upheaval and in times of calm and through every space you have shown yourself to be faithful….I also ask that you would cover her. As she feels the wind blowing on both sides, as her vulnerability is becoming more acute in this moment, please God… please cover her like a warm, protective blanket. Cover her heart. Cover her mind. Cover her emotions and remind her that in her weakness your strength is made perfect.” Be with those who know and love her Lord. Show them, oh God, how to support her. In Jesus’ Name. Amen