Shitfaced in the Portal Potty

Shitfaced in the Portal Potty October 29, 2011

I’ve been deployed to the sandbox for several months. So I made this:

Now you're drinking with portals... getting shitfaced

What do you think about my Portal Potty?

Don’t get the joke? You must not have played the science and physics-based video game Portal (or it’s incredible sequel – what an ending!) That’s okay, you don’t have to play it to get it, but you totally should. Even if you don’t like video games.

Watch this 30 second clip, and you’ll get the idea.

Portals are person-sized wormholes that you fire from a gun, at any flat surface. You set the an orange oval and a blue oval as start and end points simply by firing where you want them. The insane physics puzzles get pretty complex.

“Science is the poetry of reality.” – Richard Dawkins (Headliner at the free festival of free thought on Fort Bragg… I’m just sayin’.)

I honestly think that every video game would be better if you could also use a portal gun. Even a sports game, like Madden.

Okay okay, enough about Portal.

A lot of people ask me if they can buy me a beer. Hell yeah, you can. We’re probably even going to have it at the festival. It’s understandable that humans want to extend a small token of gratitude to ‘break the ice’ with a person they like but don’t know very well. Good stuff.

What I don’t get, though, are those ‘Pray for the troops’ stickers on people’s cars. Those things probably cost a dollar or two, and that money most certainly didn’t go directly to the troops. Intercessory prayer, like the type being urged in those stickers, has been shown to have no affect in any peer-reviewed scientific study.

In at least one case, a portion of prayer recipients actually fared worse.

I believe the urge to “pray for the troops” comes from a genuinely good place. I just wish that the people who plopped down a few bucks for a sticker had instead spent it helping soldiers directly. Even a few bucks worth of stationary and postage can make a soldier’s day. Also, beer is good. Don’t forget about beer.

If you really want to send me beer, I promise to distribute it to my fellow foxhole atheists at MASH meetings at Fort Bragg. In all seriousness though, if you are looking for a way to throw a few bucks my way… donate the beer money to American Atheists. Make sure you annotate that you sent it in support of the Military program!

If you still want to buy us beer, you can shoot me an email – OR – come out to our free freethought festival on March 31st, 2012. This is quite possibly the only time such a massive festival will take place on a military base, and civilians are totally welcome. Fort Bragg, North Carolina – the epicenter of the ‘New Foxhole Atheists‘ movement.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Walter
  • Speaking of portals making every game better

  • Mike de Fleuriot

    This is quite possibly the only time such a massive festival will take place on a military base, and civilians are totally welcome.

    Quitters!! Start planing for next years event.

  • JoeBuddha

    Don’t know if you’ve seen it, but your bumper-sticker item reminded me of this awesome Asylum Street Spankers song (what turned me on to their music, actually). A bit dated now, though:

    Stick Magnetic Ribbons on your SUV