Bible study for babies

Bible study for babies April 5, 2012

Unfortunately, this is not a photoshopped image. This is

I heard about this in a passing reference from a friend on my Facepalm wall. So I told him to ‘rescue’ the discarded advert for baby bible study. It reached my email with the subject line “Damn you! You made me dig through trash”.

But I simply had to insist on recycling it here at FtB.

Also funny: “super abundance” and “the last days of Jesus leading up to his death.”

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  • TCC

    I’m not even remotely surprised, although certainly I don’t think these people expect the babies to understand. Back when I was forced to listen to James Dobson on the radio while riding with my parents to church as a child, I remember hearing him talk about a couple with a five-year-old child asking when they should start teaching their child about God, and his response was breathtaking: “You’re already five years behind.” There are plenty of Christians who think that religious instruction starts at the cradle, so this isn’t particularly strange for a church (at least, not to me).

  • Justin Griffith

    That’s depressing, TCC. Thanks for sharing.

  • James

    One of those mayo stains looks like an angel! It’s a sign from Dog!

  • annie

    They’ve got cradle-to-grave marketing down to a science. One of my proudest parenting moments was when someone mentioned the story of Noah’s Ark to my daughter when she was about nine, and she didn’t have a clue as to what they were talking about. Since then, I’ve been trying to teach her all the kooky Christian stories, as I don’t want her to miss some biblical reference in a few years in some AP English class. 😉

  • Paul Hunter

    One Xmas when my daughters were eight and nine I thought it would be good for them to hear the jesus story so i found my old bible. Since I hadn’t read it in years I was amazed how short it actually is.

    They’re both in their late twenties now and doing just fine without religion.

  • James

    Seems like you’ve built up a tolerance to it, but crap like this never ceases to amaze me, TCC. For the last 21 years, I’ve been able to stay in Germany with one status or another (active, reserve, DA civilian), so I’ve missed most of the shenanigans that have been going on CONUS. Germany is also religiotic, especially where I live in Bavaria (there are crosses on the walls of hospital rooms and school rooms, and you have to opt out of paying church tax like my wife did – hoo boy is the papst pissed off at her!), but I’ve not seen the in-your-face-jumpin’-jesus-christ-on-a-pogo-stick sort of shit like here. No junk mail, no stupid ass church signs (“god answers knee mail”, hyuk hyuk you fucking idiots!), no threats of eternal damnation; nothing. Just good, clean, christian majority (only two flavors!) silently marginalizing the musselmen, juden, atheisticals and others.

    I really had not realized how pervasive this christianization has become. It is everywhere. Or maybe it’s just everywhere in Kentucky.

    Since I’m already in hell, this weekend I’m going to the Creation Museum! (I don’t think that word means what they think it means.)

  • Steve

    Gotta get to them while they’re young

  • Mary

    Sorry to admit it, but both my kids started “cradle roll” class when they were only weeks old. It was, after all, a break for Mom to be able to sit through an adult bible class without the baby (but also early training for baby to sit through a bible class). I am also guilty of having taught (when I was yet a Christian) cradle roll classes at different churches that I have been to. It mainly consisted of handing around toys, reading (bible stories, of course), and singing lots of cutsey songs with repetitive motions. It was always a challenge to entertain such tiny tots for an entire hour, and when I look back, it was rather like a one-woman circus act (although sometimes there was an assistant). There is a special table made for these classes, kind of a big half circle with little kiddie seats built right in (for the ones able to sit up of course).

  • Moderately on topic: A church I used to attend with my late girlfriend had childcare service for babies (not classes for them, just babysitting so that classes and services wouldn’t be disrupted by infants crying and fussing). The babysitting room had this biblical verse posted up at the front of the room:

    1 Cor. 15:41 — “We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed.”

    It was a pretty strongly fundamentalist church, but at least the people in it tended to have a good sense of humor!

    ~David D.G.