Hi and welcome to another of our movie reviews, where I watch Christian movies so you don’t have to! Today we’re going to look at A Matter of Faith, the 2014 Creationism snoozefest by the Christiano brothers that they somehow got Harry “Night Court” Anderson signed up for. This is the pre-show part of the event–wherein we examine some basics about the movie and set some expectations.
Let’s just say that basically, this movie looks like it is going to be awful, and my expectations are not very high.
From what I can understand, a college freshman raised by TRUE CHRISTIANS™ goes off to college and almost–almost!–becomes a shameless atheist bed-bunny thanks to the evil evolutionism taught by her shameless atheist biology professor. The information he gives during class starts making her feel like maybe the indoctrination she got at home wasn’t correct. Oh noes!
But the menfolk around her know what to do. They swing into action to try to stop this little lost lamb with her fluffy pink ladybrainz from going off-course all by herself in college. Since this movie was made by the Christiano Brothers, I’m going to go out on a limb by guessing ahead of time that oh definitely they make her see the light, repent of her move toward evil evolutionism, and become a TRUE CHRISTIAN™ at last.
I predict ahead of time that this movie will hit every one of the tropes in a fundagelical movie:
- atheists will be evil
- Christians will be wonderful
- college will be totally stuffed with atheists, with almost no Christians in view
- Creationist talking points will bowl over anybody who hears them
- for some reason biology class will be overwhelmingly concerned with proving that Christianity is totes wrong about everything
- somehow biology class will become a referendum on Christianity
- a Christian will “do the research” about evolution (that’s Christianese for reading a lot of Creationist websites and apologetics books)
- somehow belief in evolution will be equated with atheism and belief in Creationism will turn into a required marker belief for Christianity
- this movie will be like all the other ones where everyone’s plots are totally related like in Crash
Here by the way is the Bingo card someone thoughtfully provided last time around!
Pretty much everyone in this movie is new to acting or has been in nothing you’ll ever have heard of.
The only name in this cast list that I even recognize is that of Harry Anderson. You’ll remember him as the wacky judge from Night Court. Harry T. Stone wouldn’t recognize the wreck that the actor’s become since those heady days of sitcom superiority. And he definitely wouldn’t ever have bought into Creationist arguments. But clearly Daddy needed a paycheck.
The other name that I really should recognize and yet don’t is that of Clarence Gilyard, who has a long and illustrious career in TV and movies. I didn’t watch the kind of stuff he appeared in (like Walker, Texas Ranger), however, so I had no idea who he was. He brings a distinguished Christian flick pedigree to the movie, however; he was in the Kirk Cameron Left Behind back in 2000, and that’s probably why he ended up here.
The guy playing the dad who totally will be doing the research is Jay Pickett, has previously been in a General Hospital spin-off called Port Charles that I didn’t even know existed until just now and yet it ran for 6 years or so.
The girl playing the college freshman, Jordan Trovillion, has a few things under her belt. In the grand tradition of older people playing teens, she’s pushing 30 in real life, but in this movie but we’re going to be asked to believe that she’s 18. The only reason I can think of for her appearance in this howler is that she previously appeared in a movie called The Genesis Code, which wasn’t specifically Christian that I remember. Most of her work has happened after this movie, which tells me that it opened some doors for her at least.
And there’s a chode with a soul patch who is apparently going to be either the evil mean atheist trying to get in Jordan’s pants or else the TRUE CHRISTIAN™ trying to save her. Chandler Macocha clearly wrote his own IMDB biography, which we can tell because it doesn’t tell us anything pertinent about him, but he does let slip that he was college-aged in this movie, so at least we know that he’s a college-age kid playing a college-age kid.
The booze for tonight is a red wine called Columbia Winery’s “Composition.” The bottle says it’s the result of “50 years of progressive winemaking,” so obviously we had to have it for a movie about Creationism. Just uncorked it and it smells good.
Feel free to start watching the movie yourself when you see this–I’m firing it off riiiiight…. NOW.