Lights, Camera, Crucifixion! (Part 2)

Lights, Camera, Crucifixion! (Part 2) February 4, 2019

Hi, gang! Today, for Off-Topic Monday, we have Part 2 of SSJ’s excellent fandub Godsmacked. In this installment, the mockery of The Passion of the Christ continues. Jesus dodges questions (and a few blows), Pontius Pilate guards the Narnian door to Rome, and women are inconvenienced by premonitions. Through the magic of subtitles, guest columnist ssj injects a half-pound of heresy into every scene.

Big J’s Carpentry Hut and Miracle House. (Maybe.) (manu schwendener.)

(And I’ll let ssj take it away from here!)

Christian Torture Porn, Subverted.

Welcome to another installment of Godsmacked! Here, we treat Mel Gibson’s splatter film, The Passion of the Christ, to a blasphemous makeover. In the episodes below, Jesus dodges questions (but not many blows), Pontius Pilate guards the Narnian door to Rome, and women are inconvenienced by premonitions. Guest columnist ssj takes us behind the scenes into his blasphemy workshop.

Mucho thanks to everyone who took the time to watch Part 1 and to Captain Cassidy for graciously hosting this merry commentariat and the edit. For those just joining the viewing party, you can find the first part of the miniseries here. My subversion of Gibson’s film will be divided into several parts and episodically presented in coming Mondays.

Before we continue the saga of Jesus and his supporting cast of friends, Romans, and countrymen, let’s delve a bit into the editing changes in Part 1 of Godsmacked.

Ooh, the Prophecy.

The theatrical version started with a verse from the Old Testament:

He was wounded for our transgressions, crushed for our iniquities; by His wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53, 700 BC

Thanks be to Gibson for helpfully including the attribution date, for how else are we to take this guilt-secreting Bible verse but as a centuries-old prophecy pointing to Christianity’s favorite (and only) messiah? And the capitalized “His” must surely nail the prophecy’s accuracy, right? (Nope. The Hebrew alphabet has no capital letters.)

When I replaced the verse with questions, I had hoped to highlight the abhorrent Christian celebration of punishing another person in one’s stead. But I’ve come to learn there are other ways of understanding (or misunderstanding) this biblical passage.

In Isaiah, the text indicates at multiple points that the servant being punished is the nation of Israel. Also, the verse discusses Israel’s punishment (by God and by Israel’s neighbors) in the past tense, which would be strange for a prophecy. And many particulars of the Big J’s life aren’t mentioned—his birthplace, the name of his carpentry business, the crucifixion.

There are other indicators that this verse doesn’t predict Jesus at all. A follow-up verse states that the “lamb. . . did not open his mouth,” which doesn’t fit Jesus’s firebrand behavior. And after the punishment, God “will see his offspring and prolong his days,” but wasn’t the Father in a hurry to end Sonnie J’s life? And did Jesus sire generations of demigods in hiding, their paternity scrolls forever missing?

The Missing Jesus Files.

The video excisions in Part 1 were rather light. Jesus’s plastic surgery miracle is now on the cutting room floor. In Parts 2 and 3, I deleted a bit of priestly brutality, Judas’s returning his pay to the pharisees (too late, dude), the antics of devil children (really, Mel?), Mary’s telepathic communion with incarcerated Jesus, and the visit to King Herod’s court. If I did my job well, the cuts shouldn’t call attention to themselves.

The remaining modifications, my subs, are not really modifications, but a true telling of the Lord’s story, accurate both historically and spiritually. Enter the passionword “r2d” to live the Gospel as it actually happened, but with smell disabled. (Leprosy also disabled.) [OH thank goodness – CC, who is a wimp about that kind of thing]

Hasta luego, amigos y amigas. Don’t forget to adjust the resolution, and please listen closely for homophones.

Godsmacked, Part 2:

Godsmacked, Part 3:

Disclaimer: Fair use laws allow for the use of copyrighted works for the purposes of criticism and commentary, and in this case, the new subtitles completely alter the meaning of the work The Passion of the Christ. In order to edit the film and present the transmogrification, I purchased a legitimate, studio-released Blu-ray of the film.

NEXT UP: It’s Cas again – how cool was that! For next time, authoritarians tend to lean very heavily on literalist interpretations of whatever toodles their fancy. We’ll examine why. See you soon!

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This post is an off topic wonderland!

About Captain Cassidy
Captain Cassidy grew up fervently Catholic, converted to the SBC in her teens, and became a Pentecostal shortly afterward. She even married an aspiring preacher! But then--record scratch!--she brought everything to a screeching halt when she deconverted in her mid-20s. That was 25 years ago. Now a comfortable None, she blogs on Roll to Disbelieve about psychology, pop culture, politics, relationships, cats, gaming, and more--and where they all intersect with religion. You can read more about the author here.

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