UYC: Single Christian Man Tells ‘Christian Girls’ Never to Settle (LSP #159)

UYC: Single Christian Man Tells ‘Christian Girls’ Never to Settle (LSP #159) September 28, 2020

Hi and welcome back! I caught this video recently on a subreddit dedicated to TRUE CHRISTIANS™. In it, an earnest Christian guy commands ‘girls searching for a Godly husband’ never ever ever to settle for those ickie worldly men. See, he tells us in all caps, GODLY MEN DO EXIST. And as you can guess, he definitely counts himself among that number. And ladies, he is single! Today, Lord Snow Presides over single Christians and their increasingly disastrous hunt for love.

a swing at a wedding venue
(Ben Rosett.)

(This video is par for the course in authoritarian flavors of Christianity these days. I use it here only as an illustration. This guy’s young and very foolish, but — as I know from my own example — both are quite curable! Also, see the Unequally Yoked Club tag page for lots more posts on this topic!)

Y’all, It Breaks His Heart.

I saw this video recently on the subreddit r/TrueChristian. My heart went out to to the guy who made it — though not for the reason he clearly wanted.

Bold Faith Productions (BFP) is a college-age-looking white male YouTuber. His demeanor strikes me as weirdly judgmental, controlling. His account is quite new, with his oldest videos being about three weeks old as of today.

In his “About” tab, he tells us that he wants “this channel to be real.” To that end, he wants to “reach people for Jesus, give great life advice, and just overall make people feel like they aren’t alone out there.” And he’s decided that the very best way to do that is to release videos scolding people for participating in what he calls “hookup culture” and advising other Christians about how to quit using porn.

Predictably, he’s also uploaded his testimony, which I’m sure is exactly as compelling and believable as any other of its type.

So overall, yes, BFP looks and acts like every other dime-a-dozen young authoritarian evangelical guy. (I have no clue what his exact doctrinal beliefs might be. The toxic flavors of Christianity tend to attract his exact type, though.)

His September 21st video addresses single Christian women. As one might expect of young authoritarian Christians, he’s got some words about their plight.

He’s one of many, many thousands of men and women in his end of Christianity desperately seeking spouses these days. And his reaction to frustration is, sadly, all too common for authoritarian male Christians.

Shaping a Straw Woman Girl.

This video begins with a dedication:

This video is dedicated to girls looking for a Godly husband.

I think BFP means women here, not girls. But he keeps saying girls.

While panning across a sad, lonely backdrop of a beach path, BFP begins his lecture:

Why do you beat yourself up? You don’t think they’ll love you if you don’t act a certain way. You think there’s probably no one else out there following god like you are.

The implication here is obvious. He himself is “following god” just like his straw woman girl ideal! So his straw woman girl has no excuse! None! She can’t marry someone else who doesn’t Jesus correctly at all! Not with him standing there ready to marry her!

“Don’t Settle,” Straw Single Christian Woman Girl.

BFP continues in that vein, imagining this straw figure of a single Christian woman girl who is about to “give up” on her Great Husband Hunt. Horror of horrors, he even imagines that she’s about to “settle,” presumably for a husband who is not a TRUE CHRISTIAN™ like him. He speaks for her here, offering what he is positive is the rationalization of such a woman girl:

You think maybe someday you’ll be able to influence him to live for christ sometime down the road.

And then he brings down the hammer:

Speaking from my point of view, it breaks my heart.

But he’s not sad for the sake of the single women girls doing this awful thing. No, see, he’s upset because that means they’re off the market and no longer available for his perusal. How dare these Christian women girls fail to think of him and his singleness when they decided to marry men who don’t Jesus like he does!

I seriously wonder if he recently got his heart broken by a very specific Christian woman girl who married a man who doesn’t Jesus correctly at all in his eyes.

He’s Really Thinking of His “Brothers in the Faith” Here.

The camera slowly pans to one side, where we finally see BFP’s face. He is, as expected, very hangdog in expression, and he sits on his rump in the sand with his knees up. The camera’s focus dwells lovingly on his package as he tries to make his concern sound like it goes far past his own needs:

I have brothers in the faith that would love nothing more than to love you like Christ loves the church.

And he adds here, “Myself included.”

Of course. It’s a truism in the world of dating these days: the people complaining about any particular group not finding love will be part of that group themselves. (Them what smelt it, dealt it. Them’s the rules.)

Basically, BFP wants to get married, but he hasn’t met the right woman girl yet. He gets very sad seeing happy couples on social media. He has decided that unequally-yoked women are The Big Problem Here preventing him from finding similar happiness.

So he exhorts Christian women girls to be patient and not marry outside the sheepfold. TRUE CHRISTIAN™ men just like him are standing by, just waiting to marry them.

He ends by murmuring heartbrokenly: “So, please don’t settle.”

TRUE CHRISTIAN™ Faith > All Other Qualities.

I can see why BFP’s so upset.

In his tribe, having the correct opinions about Jesus (and Jesus-ing) matters more than any other quality a person might have. If they don’t have that one thing, they might as well be cow patties under a single woman’s heel. The idea that a woman they fancy might know them as a TRUE CHRISTIAN™ and yet unaccountably prefer a man who doesn’t Jesus correctly at all makes them deeply upset. It goes against all the tribal wisdom they’ve absorbed.

It’d probably shock BFP and men like him to know that TRUE CHRISTIAN™ men are generally awful at relationships. The relationship advice they get tends to be the dead opposite of useful, and their insistence on strict gender roles (and male supremacy) makes their wives miserable.

When I first began hearing that evangelicals’ divorce rates are much higher than those of other religious groups, I wasn’t surprised at all. I’d been married to one myself, after all, who followed all the advice he’d been given. When I was Christian myself, I knew almost no truly happy and harmonious evangelical couples — and I certainly wasn’t one of them!

It seems like the situation’s only gotten worse since then as evangelicals (and hardline Catholics) get more and more regressive and politicized to the hard right.

Like my ex, BFP has been sold a bill of goods about marriage. But that illusion benefits him mightily, just like it benefited my ex — so he’s hanging onto it for now.

We’ll know BFP’s started questioning that illusion when he stops blaming women for their personal decisions — and maybe starts questioning the broken system that keeps prodding the flocks into these awful dilemmas in the first place.

He can’t even question that system yet. Not yet.

About That “Plan.”

More than that, though:

It seems to me that humans shouldn’t be able to circumvent an omnimax god’s divine plan — especially not humans who profess to believe in that god and live in obedience to his will. If a marriage happens, it’s got to be his will that it happen — by definition.

Even when TRUE CHRISTIAN™ women leave the sheepfold to marry a heathen, as they increasingly do these days, they all seem to think their god has totally approved and blessed the idea.

(Maybe they do entertain a hope that their Jesus Auras will influence their spouses, or maybe not. From what I’ve seen, Christian women seem to be a lot more realistic about that stuff these days.)

As for the many women who don’t leave the sheepfold for love, they get older and older and older — and remain single. Somehow, all these amazing “Godly men” praying to meet them don’t ever manage to find them. And if those women don’t happen to fit into the mold these “Godly men” expect of their wives, they’ll be waiting until the bitter end — alone. The BFPs of their world sure won’t be helping them deal with their loneliness and frustrated ache for children.

These women played the Happy Pretendy Fun Time Game to the hilt. It didn’t get them anything they were promised. So I can’t blame any of them at all for opting out when it becomes clear that the promises aren’t true.

But the men in their tribe sure can. And they do.

Today, Lord Snow Presides over the utterly broken system of toxic Christianity — and the single Christian men who doggedly focus on the outgrowths of that toxicity, rather than the toxicity itself.

NEXT UP: Amazingly, toxic Christians never notice all the self-interest in their leaders’ demands. But we do, and we will — next. See you tomorrow!

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About Captain Cassidy
Captain Cassidy grew up fervently Catholic, converted to the SBC in her teens, and became a Pentecostal shortly afterward. She even volunteered in church (choir, Sunday School) and married an aspiring preacher! But then--record scratch!--she brought everything to a screeching halt when she deconverted in her mid-20s. That was 25 years ago. Now a comfortable None, she blogs on Roll to Disbelieve about psychology, pop culture, politics, relationships, cats, gaming, and more--and where they all intersect with religion. She lives with an adored and adoring husband named Mr. Captain and a sweet, squawky orange tabby cat named Princess Bother Pretty Toes. At any given time, she's running out of bookcase space. You can read more about the author here.

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