I’m happy.

I’m happy.

It feels good to say that and really mean it. Life has been a struggle ever since I can remember–healing from abuse suffered as a child and as a teenager–and life is still a struggle.

But I feel like I’m winning.

For the first time in my life I feel like I’m winning. I am healing. I am at peace with who I am as a person and as a woman, thanks to feminism. I am at peace with my spirituality thanks to a few good churches and thanks to Universalism and feminist theology. I feel supported and loved thanks to a healthy, egalitarian relationship, and thanks to a vast number of friends (both “real-life” and online) that I can talk to and learn from.

I’m letting go of the fears that I’d learned from my old faith and from patriarchy. Fear of my body, fear of hell, fear of sexuality, fear of my own strength and intelligence, fear of information and education, fear of my emotions, fear of loving, fear of people who aren’t like me…

Those fears are dying away. Some of them are already dead and buried.

I still have depression, which flares up from time to time, but a year on anti-depressants made it much easier to manage. I still have times when I’m sad and afraid, but I’ve learned to let myself have those times–let myself mourn and grieve– rather than beat myself up for not already being “over it.”

Yeah, I’m happy. I can say that with some confidence.

Happy New Year, readers. Here’s to happiness.