The Counter-Productivity of Masturbation

Wanking, fapping, jerking; whatever you want to call it our world bombards men from a very early age with a whole host of masturbation themed jokes, innuendos, references and homages.  Just watch ANY movie directed to a “youth” or “teen” audience, particularly comedies, made since the 1980s and I almost guarantee at least one reference to masturbation.

But why is our society so obsessed with fapping?!  Obsessed enough that its become a basic part of our culture…

If asked, most modern people would say “sex drive.”  They will contend that people, especially- but not only- men, have such an insatiable appetite for sex that they cannot help but “relieve it” from time to time.

While it’s true that most of us do have a “sex drive,” I find two glaring problems, religious convictions aside, with this whole masturbation set up that society has so neatly packaged for us…

First: How dare you treat me like a dog who can’t hold his water in time for you to return from the store!  No one can pretend that this “Oh, they just can’t help it” mentality is the same way we think of dogs who aren’t yet trained! Well I for one don’t think that man kind needs a potty-patch for sex!  It’s quite apparent that we are very much capable of being responsible for ourselves and this whole “…can’t help it” thing is absurd!  With this mentality we may as well let sex offenders and other criminals off the hook; after all, “they just can’t help it.”  If man is so weak that he can’t help but break the natural law, then why have law at all?  If we are only going to fail, why even attempt it?

Now I have to ask; how exactly is this supposed to be caused by our sex drive?  While it’s true that most people, especially men, do possess a sex drive, how is that linked to masturbation?  The Oxford Dictionary defines sex drive as: a person’s urge to seek satisfaction of their sexual needs.  This makes me wonder, how exactly does masturbation do that.  I mean, a sex drive is there to make someone want to have sex, and it does it’s job well… But masturbation can’t satisfy that need as the sex we are driven to is a natural one -two to tango and all…-, and furthermore it doesn’t add to ones potential of having sex; in fact it does quite the opposite.

“How can this be?!” rings out a sad chorus of woefully misguided teenage boys.
Well, it’s rather simple: a sex drive is there to draw you to find a mate… so why does masturbation counter-act this?  Well, because most women just don’t find masturbation attractive.  Any sane and reasonable woman would slap you across the face if you thought this was a reasonable hobby to mention on a first date.  Furthermore, it’s taking time away from hobbies that women will find you endearing for, rather than disgusting.

Which brings me to the title; what are we, I speak to men here – sorry ladies- doing wasting our time masturbating for?!  I would go as far to say that this is an outright attack on our ability to procreate, even on our most primal ability to make love!  So take the time you would spend fapping, or wanking, or whatever; and instead devote it to something wonderful, something fun, something you don’t have to lie about, or be ashamed of.  And yes, follow your sex drive and do something women will find attractive!  Learn to play an instrument, read some great books, work out, go fishing, go hunting; BE MANLY!  Esto Vir!

So please try to be a little less like him:

and a little more like him: