Photo by Pille Kirsi from PexelsFor 20 years I was somewhat of a church planter and pastor. I would work on projects in smaller communities or where the community had diminished and help them rebuild hopefully to something brand new. In reality, it eventually didn’t look much different than any other church in the neighborhood even though we tried to present ourselves as something authentic.
For the last several years, my wife and I have not attended church at all. We don’t miss very much at all about organized religion. We have done some healing from our trauma and we have been able to thrive without any of the services of the local church.
I’m not saying that I never gained anything from the church, but now that I am on the outside, there are several things that seem ridiculous in this day and age.
1. When a thousand people get in their cars and drive to a facility to hear someone teach.
I don’t follow many preachers these days, but if I did I could find the best in the world and their videos online, or I could watch their televised services. It boggles my mind to think about all the money spent on gas, parking lots, buildings, meals out and all the other expenses of getting everyone to a central location just to hear a “word. ”
Not to mention that going to church tends to be the stressful part of church for most people. That is typically when they yell at each other as they are driving to church and getting ready and then the stress of being in a group.
I can’t tell you how unnecessary I feel this part of church is for me now!
2. Listening to a concert
Even though I avoid big gatherings these days because of COVID, I always love going to concerts. I remember the first few that I went to as a teenager. Honestly, that’s why we like modern day worship services. It’s really a rehearsed concert.
I’m not saying it doesn’t produce an emotional high. But I’m not even sure if it’s appropriate for communion with the divine. I think it gives us an emotional rush that only lasts until we come see it again the next week. It may seem like there is something holy to it, but when you ask people about their most meaningful worship experiences, they always talk about nature and not something that happened in a building.
3. Giving Money to an Organization
The average religious person gives about $1,000 a year to their organization. 70% of this money goes to the salaries of the church and the building maintenance. New Testament talks about us all being priests and the lack of need for someone to manage our spiritual lives.
I understand that it also talks about elders which naturally develop within any community, and there are certainly people that mentor and shepherd us in our lives, but I think it’s gotten way out of control and it has been for a very long time.
The organizations always promised to help people like the poor community, but very little of their money goes to those types of endeavors. Most of it goes to the leaders and to maintaining the organization. Our money would be better spent in our actual communities. The rest of the services we get from the church could be found somewhere else for free.
4. Participating in systemic abuse
As I mentioned before, when there is an organization, preserving the organization takes priority. In recent years we have seen this play out over and over and over again. Whether it’s the southern Baptists youth pastors abusing people or the Catholic priest or just the widespread sexual abuse that some would cover up, it’s a big, huge problem. Add to that all the other inherent abuses with organizations and we have an epidemic.
My current stance is that if I can commune with a divine in nature and I can look inside to find the kingdom of heaven, why would I go and participate in organization that systemically has issues with abuse. When I hear scores of people with war stories about how they are still recovering from trauma-induced by the church, why would I go to the church and pay the money to expose myself to the same issues?
I’m not saying that we can’t have some type of organization that works, but the way the organization works hasn’t changed very much at all in the last 1500 years. It is very hard to change an organization from the inside out. It probably needs to die a natural death and be reborn to something totally different.
For now, many of us are thriving in the desert. We have genuine community which I have noticed most since I had my stroke and found people who have supported and loved me through this crisis. I have found genuine healing from my church trauma in the desert.
I wish you well in your journey.
Be where you are, be who you are,
Karl Forehand
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