Curiosity will conquer fear
even more than bravery will
~James Stephens
I continue to ask these questions. While some might believe they create bitterness or conflict, I hope they will lead us to a greater understanding. Stepping outside organized religion has enabled me to connect with the universe’s subtle messages and rhythms, allowing me to embrace the peace and solace I discover. My comfort arises not from a fixed belief system but from a continual pursuit of understanding that questions everything.
What do I Feel?
As I deepen my understanding of trauma and its healing, I’ve come to recognize that articulating my feelings and their location within me is crucial for recovery. This realization was transformative; however, I noticed that religion often overlooks this concept. By its nature, faith tends to dismiss feelings (and even certain facts) in order to embrace the narrative established by those who first created the beliefs.
During my deep involvement with religion, it was often suggested that individuals should prioritize faith, hoping their emotions would align. This approach felt misguided, prompting adherence to belief systems or creeds even when one’s instincts and emotions disagree. Since I began deconstructing these beliefs, I’ve learned from several wise individuals that our feelings can signal underlying issues such as unprocessed trauma and toxic shame.
We have identified a highly effective method called focusing, using the phrase “A part of me feels…” This practice fosters a connection between our mind and body, where trauma resides. As the saying goes, “We have to feel it to heal it.” By engaging with this emotion, we can better integrate the trauma and progress more successfully.
Ignoring our emotions.
Many people in my life taught me to suppress my emotions and simply believe that everything was fine. As a result, I overlooked my own hurt and endured the suffering. I learned to distrust my judgment, relying instead on creeds and doctrinal statements rather than on my intuition and awareness. Without validation for my emotions, I buried them deep, striving to show myself and others my dedication, determination, and commitment.
But this never helped heal me from my trauma and shame. In a way, because organized religion was uneasy with my being emotional, the trauma didn’t go away, and my shame became more deeply embedded.
What do I feel, and where do I feel it?
Reflecting on my experiences from the past few years, I encourage everyone to frequently ask themselves, “What do I feel, and where do I feel it?” This practice helps me connect my mind and body, providing an opportunity to process trauma and heal past wounds. Ignoring these emotions guarantees that they will resurface unexpectedly soon enough.
Eugene Gendlin states:
“What is split off, not felt, remains the same. When it is felt, it changes. Most people don’t know this! They think that by not permitting the feeling of their negative ways they make themselves good. On the contrary, that keeps these negatives static, the same from year to year. A few moments of feeling it in your body allows it to change. If there is in you something bad or sick or unsound, let it inwardly be and breathe. That’s the only way it can evolve and change into the form it needs.”
The aim of validating our emotions isn’t to suppress them but to integrate them. This way, when I face triggers in the future, I can choose to respond rather than just react. While this approach doesn’t eliminate triggers, it enables us to take a moment and respond thoughtfully, engaging a more advanced part of our brain when we are affected.
Learning and moving forward.
Acknowledging how we are affected is a truer form of bravery than suppressing our emotions and overlooking our pain. Embracing our feelings allows us to trust our intuition. By recognizing these emotions in our bodies, we can better reconcile with our past and make progress toward the future.
To learn more about how our nervous system stores trauma, read The Body Keeps the Score or our book, Evolving From Religious Trauma.
I encourage you to deepen your understanding of trauma. As you do, you’ll recognize how many of our systems, including religion and our families, often misinterpret trauma and the role of emotions in this context. If individuals in power lack an understanding of trauma, they might unintentionally cause more harm than good by prioritizing organizational objectives over the well-being of individuals.
Keep asking good questions!
Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!
Karl Forehand
Good Questions – Why Would God Require Worship?
Good Questions – Are we Addicted to Religion?
Good Questions – Why is God’s Punishment So Extreme?
Travel Tips for the Desert – Part 3
Travel Tips for the Desert – Part 2
Travel Tips for the Desert – Part 1
Our New Course is ready to review for FREE! Start Here
Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He is married to his wife Laura of 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.