Is My Church a Cult? Part 2
Is your church, political party, or other organization a cult?
This manuscript aims to provide clear definitions so that someone can take an honest inventory of their organization. This kind of self-reflection and honest assessment is essential in all parts of our lives to ensure we’re not faking ourselves out, as we used to say down South. According to the Cult Education Institute, there are specific warning signs to look out for when considering whether a group might be a cult. The following is by Rick Ross, Expert Consultant and Intervention Specialist.
The verbiage after each point is my observations and opinions. I welcome your comments.
In the last blog, we looked at the first five. Here are the rest!
Ten Warning Signs of a Potentially Unsafe Group/Leader (6-10)
6. Former members often relate the same stories of abuse and reflect a similar pattern of grievances.
Maybe before we start talking about reports of abuse, let’s clear up what almost always comes up in these discussions. People automatically distrust anyone reporting on an influential person, especially a pastor. They have been trained to remain loyal to the person leading them, particularly in a religious setting. The skeptic considers what following through might do to the leader, and they often dismiss the cries of those who are abused.
First of all, false reporting about abuse is a relatively small percentage. End Violence Against Women International (EVAWI) summarizes several studies and reports that only between 2% and 8% of sexual assault reports are false. Based on my experience listening to survivors of religious abuse, I have also noticed that there is very little motivation to report falsely, especially when a power imbalance is involved. It causes significant distress to the abuse survivor.
When multiple victims or survivors share similar stories about the same person, it becomes even clearer that the wrongdoing actually happened. In today’s political climate, it’s all too common for those in power to simply deny, deny, deny, and overpower those who have been victimized because the powerful have all the resources to fight these battles, which survivors rarely can. This is what encourages the powerful to victimize people—they can, and the high they feel motivates them to do it more.
Does the leader we follow enjoy their ability to “squash” or “own” people? When they talk about people outside the organization, are they openly committed to winning every fight with those they disagree with? Do they quickly shut down members who dare to question them?
This gives members a temporary sense of confidence in the leader because the leader also stirs fear in them about the outside world and those who oppose their ideas.
Reflecting on my 60 years, I notice this trait in many pastors I once admired. I respected them because they seemed tough and fought battles for me, or at least that’s how they explained it. But for most, their legacy didn’t turn out well. In reality, they were often abusive and used their power to control and defeat others instead of genuinely loving their neighbors.
I believe it’s worth taking the time to scrutinize our leaders and question their practices. Guess what? If we don’t support their organizations, they lose that power, and maybe it will humble them into reevaluating how they approach life. In truth, they are really just children inside who need professional help. Here’s hoping they get it!
7. There are records, books, news articles, or television programs that document the abuse of the group/leader.
In many ways, professional journalists and reporters face intense pressure to report the most likely stories accurately. One thing they often do that religious organizations rarely do is issue retractions when they get something wrong. Cult leaders never do this.
The more powerful abusers can deny and evade many actions taken by victims, accusing and gaslighting them, sometimes even through group harassment using various methods. If they choose, they can also pursue legal action that depletes the bank accounts of those with less power. While journalists live in fear of being ruined by false reports, powerful abusers often seem to enjoy engaging in these conflicts.
So, our best approach is to investigate the reports we receive thoroughly. I personally believe that people with integrity and transparent motives, who tend to love their neighbors, generally don’t gain significant influence and power. They are often known to voluntarily give up their power at times to help the less fortunate. Someone who habitually “owns” people might be the same type of person whose ancestors actually owned people.
It benefits humanity to encourage us all to believe in survivors and trust credible journalism. Again, recognize the risks they take and understand that Jesus was likely the kind of person who stood up to the powerful and refused to further victimize those harmed by religious patriarchy and political powers.
8. Followers feel they can never be “good enough”.
When I was a boy, I remember a few times when I went bowling with another kid. His dad drove us there and brought us home. The man was intentionally harsh and criticized everything about his son, including how he was sitting, how he bowled that day, and nearly everything he said.
Although my parents had their shortcomings, I was never treated that way by them. It seemed like a fate worse than death to me to be constantly criticized.
Later in life and over the years, because my parents took me to conservative churches, the emotional abuse was more subtle but also more widely accepted for reasons I haven’t fully understood. Every week, someone in a position of authority told me what was wrong with me and even encouraged me to be broken so I would respond positively to their invitation to “get right with God” or “repent” for my supposed wickedness.
I was an ornery, awkward kid, but looking back, I can confidently say I wasn’t the wicked being they made me out to be. Many of those who yelled and stomped across the stage ended up being the villains in life’s story, and through lots of therapy and hard work, I learned to love myself.
I believe this bait-and-switch of religion creates a crisis for us that only the accuser in the pulpit can resolve. Then, like other abusers, they provide the solution and demand acknowledgment for themselves and their God for solving the problem we never even really had. At that point in my life, the worst thing I had done was steal some candy from the store across the street. It is a control mechanism that allows the leader to maintain their coercive behavior.
In my marriage, I kept rehashing this scenario with Laura, with myself as the one accusing. Fortunately, people like a certain Benedictine sister dared to tell me it wasn’t my wife—It was me.
Learn to see these accusers as abusers. If you follow the Christian narrative, you’ll realize that the accuser is often the villain, who probably has more flaws to work on than you do. Trust yourself and rely on your instincts.
9. The group/leader is always right.
When I think about pastors and spiritual leaders, I ask them questions honestly. Even though I was one for 20 years, and practiced Christianity longer than that, I now wonder if we truly need that guidance. I know the scriptures that support having a spiritual shepherd, so there’s no need to lecture me on that point. I also understand that most of them enter ministry with sincere, Jesus-like intentions.
The problem is that it can be beneficial for organizations and their leaders to have an authoritative leader who appears competent, even if they don’t feel it internally. Seminary and other religious training usually focus on theology, which I see as primarily based on guesses and assumptions that stem from prior traditions. Real-life organizations require us to make these assumptions too, but they also force leaders and group members to stay loyal to their beliefs, regardless of their validity.
That is just one of the issues.
They also study leadership. We can analyze qualities of past leaders and, if we are careful, identify those who promote integrity, compassion, and mutual benefits. Additionally, we have overlooked the fact that good leadership often supports larger organizations and increases profit, even when they are nonprofit by nature. Growing larger often creates more problems than it solves. The organization always takes precedence, which can lead to issues like those we saw with Marc Driscoll, who boasted about the bodies behind the bus at Mars Hill.
It’s very possible to build a large, profitable organization and overlook the core mission of loving and caring for the poor and vulnerable populations.
Cult-like behavior worsens when leaders realize that demanding unquestioned loyalty can increase their power within the group. Although most pastors know very little about mental health, trauma, and scientific progress, they claim authority and wisdom by attributing it to God. When leaders make these kinds of claims, people either run away or become more devoted to a God shaped in the image of their leader.
People going through deconstruction and healing from religious trauma often tell us that their lives changed when they started trusting themselves. I have read more books than I ever did since I stepped down from the pulpit. I study other worldviews and scientific discoveries, and I am gaining a deeper understanding of human behavior. Yet far fewer people follow me, which is ultimately better. The benefit is that we are all less likely to spread our ignorance when we stay open to discoveries and learn to trust ourselves.
The ingrained reliance on organized religion is a trap we must learn to free ourselves from. It’s more challenging to do the work of healing and realize how much we don’t know, but it’s completely worth it to start understanding the simplicity and complexity of the universe we live in!
10. The group/leader is the exclusive means of knowing “truth” or receiving validation; no other process of discovery is really acceptable or credible.
Even in seminary, one of my professors always emphasized that when we studied a specific topic, we should not only learn from the person we probably agree with but also read and understand the perspective of the other side. We practiced this in seminary, and it took longer than if we had only found people to proof-text our existing beliefs.
However, once I was active in ministry, it often became much more efficient to find people who agreed with me and to read sources that “proved” what I already assumed. I am now very cautious of those who claim they only read the Bible and no other literature. Their news comes from a single source, and they keep it mutually exclusive with just their close friends within the church. It’s clear that this skews their worldview toward whatever the leader prescribes, so a leader who emphasizes this approach is undoubtedly a cult leader who can only lead them to undesirable outcomes.
I encourage all of us not just to listen to those who curate our “amens” of agreement, but also to bravely hear those who challenge us to rethink our long-held traditions and assumptions. It’s one thing for people to hold strong beliefs in some of their assumptions, but it’s another to demand that everyone who listens think exactly the same way they do. We can have strong convictions and share them with others, but the right kind of leader says, “For me, this is how I see it.”
Don’t confuse passion with confidence, and beware of leaders who force compliance in one way or another.
Encouragement
If you’re in a cult-like environment, I encourage you to step away safely and thoughtfully. There are people who can help, and I promise you’ll be better off in the long run by distancing yourself from such leaders and groups. Doing the genuine, authentic thing—thinking for yourself, loving yourself, and caring about those who have no power—will always be more challenging.
It begins with asking questions… and it continues until… well, it doesn’t really stop because it’s a journey!
Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace! Karl Forehand
Learn to be Where You Are (Presence)
Learn to be Who You Are (Authenticity)
Finding Regulating and Somatic Healing
Are you genuinely committed to deconstruction and seeking more profound answers?
If that’s the case, this book was created for you. As a former pastor, I made the mistake of deconstructing a bit and then trying to start something new, as I was trained to do. The problem with that approach is that I wasn’t ready to begin something new.
I hadn’t delved deeply enough or asked enough questions. The first stage of deconstruction typically includes assessing our beliefs regarding hell and the afterlife, supporting queer individuals and women in their fight for equality, and achieving a better understanding of racism and privilege.
Many people in deconstruction communities expend significant effort criticizing Evangelicals and attempting to gain a following. While I believe they deserve intense criticism, this strategy fails to effectively tackle the problem because they generally don’t listen to us!
Our tendency to punish our former organizations sometimes overlooks the challenging process of healing and growth. It is the same trap we fell into in our former associations.
Campfires occupy a special spot in the mosaic of history. They act as communal hubs across different cultures and faiths. The campfire’s circular design fosters equal participation within the collective group. The flames at the center draw our focus and encourage face-to-face interactions as we exchange experiences, wisdom, and insights about the world beyond. It is where legendary myths and tales are born.
Order Now – Study Questions in each chapter!
This book is named Campfires in the Desert as it stems from nearly 400 discussions we held with individuals on our podcast, The Desert Sanctuary, and our aspiration to improve.
Available now!
Thanks for considering us. Autographed copies are $20
Karl Forehand Campfires in the Desert – A Soft Book Release. Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop, and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He has been married to his wife Laura for 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.
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