A Decade of Deconstruction: I Blame God
Laura and I have learned to question each other since leaving organized religion and ceasing church work. When we sit together at night, relaxing, we often discuss something that happened or how we interpret a situation. Unlike before, we now feel comfortable challenging each other’s views on the world and on spiritual or non-spiritual topics.
Additionally, I talked with my youngest daughter yesterday about AI. Without going into the details of that talk, it’s enough to say she knew more about it than I did, and I could only explain how I use AI, even though I have some worries and I’m unsure where it’s headed. Her main focus was on energy conservation, which she cares deeply about, and on water purity. Don’t ask me to explain the issues, but it’s fair to say we discussed it without bringing God or religion into the conversation to make a point or prove we are right.
Conversations with Christians
Now that I have gradually and carefully moved away from organized religion, I probably don’t talk to as many Christians as I used to on a daily basis. I respect their right to practice their religion and to hold their beliefs. But it still confuses me, just like it did when I was deeply involved as a pastor, when people often insert God into every conversation arbitrarily. When something positive happens, Christians seem hesitant to take credit or speak confidently about their accomplishments, so they attribute everything to God, even when there’s no clear evidence that God was involved in their success.
When things go wrong, and because they believe God is in control, they tend to blame themselves or their favorite scapegoat, the Devil, which I discussed in the last episode. Someday, I plan to record these conversations and see how they look when written on paper. I expect there will be many parentheses and commas added to include all the unnecessary God language in the conversations.
Another common issue in conversations arises mostly from pastors who deliver sermons every week to their “flock.” First of all, this is not a true conversation; it is a speech—a monologue—and it often displays a power imbalance through many visual and auditory cues. It involves one person passionately sharing their opinion, while the rest of the group, influenced by the music and ceremony, sit quietly and listen.
The phrase used by pastors is “The world…”. You can be sure that when they talk about the world, they mean to distinguish what they see as good people from bad people. It encourages the congregation to stick together and fear what is outside. This happens even though the congregation is actually part of the world and lives there most of the time, unless they have artificially shielded themselves from real life.
Once again, it’s unnecessary language unless you’re trying to control others. If all good things are God’s doing, and all bad things are our fault or the work of an adversary, then whatever the man of God proposes from his position of authority must not only be true but also urgent for us to support. Sometimes, I find myself in church and feel like people are speaking a made-up language for their own purposes. I think it’s very confusing to follow this path because the facts about God aren’t as positive as the praise his followers give him. An entity that does not take responsibility for the harm within a system it is said to govern is either delusional or very ineffective at its job.
All the talk about offending God, pastors, and religious systems is part of the power and control dynamics of hierarchical systems and doesn’t truly promote human flourishing. To thrive together as humans, we need to be able to question each other and point out when we’re disappointed with how we’ve perceived others’ actions. If we are made in the image of God, as they claim, then this should also apply to our relationship with God. That’s why I stated the following very firmly.
I blame God, if God exists.
According to the story, God created a world and a system where He placed humans, who were meant to be made in His image. They fail the first test, so before discussing other characters or human history, the key step is to recognize this failure as soon as it happens. What happened when my wife and I sat on our love seat to talk about our situation should have happened in the Garden of Eden. The person who built the system that failed should have been held accountable.
God not only should have been held accountable, but He probably should have given up His power because He misused it. He created a system that didn’t work, put people in it, and then blamed them when it failed. Eventually, He killed most of the humans because the system still didn’t work properly hundreds of years later. It’s like an entrepreneur starting a business with bad principles, no market research, or low-quality raw materials. Then, as the leader, He hires unqualified or unable people and blames them just because they need money to feed their families.
At this point in the discussion, I could bring up the Christian notion that employees should go along with the owner, leader, or God and not question. Additionally, according to the narrative, they should continually praise the owner, leader, or God, even though it all sounds a little crazy and doesn’t seem to be going very well. Blind submission to an incompetent leader never really solves any of the problems we face; it only makes them worse!
Suppose people in the system face challenges in these areas. In that case, they often quickly resort to gaslighting whistleblowers and defending their gods and leaders as beyond understanding, even though they promote a relationship with them. However, great relationships involve things like transparency and seeing the other person as equally valuable and deserving of respect. Generally, Christianity claims to value everyone, but in practice, it elevates those it favors based on its inherent bias.
Throughout my life, whenever I met leaders of large organizations, they often seemed very fragile. They were used to being obeyed without question, but they appeared confused about their true selves because the company’s image of them shaped their identity. When the organization thrived, the leader’s self-esteem was high. However, when things faltered, they had difficulty feeling good about themselves, often raising their voices at others and blaming scapegoats.
My Conclusions and Confusion with God
To conclude, I want to ask some questions, which I admit are quite accusatory and no longer simply innocent inquiries. They reflect my assumptions after a decade of deconstruction, and they are also the questions that mainstream Christianity often fails to answer. Perhaps some of the Mystics came close to asking and attempting to answer these questions, but generally, all organizations are hindered by these shortcomings.
My current designation would probably be agnostic, which means, “I still don’t know,” but, just like my relationship with my wife, we need to keep talking about it if it matters.
The Questions that Demand Conversation:
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What kind of being demands to be worshipped?
Worship is only demanded by evil villains and heartless, high-control leaders. It encourages power imbalances and abusive behavior, especially when questioning and challenging norms are forbidden. Only power-hungry narcissists with disorganized mental health require constant praise and reassurance.
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Why does a perfect being that created everything need a scapegoat to blame?
The older I get, the more I realize that the best people in the world are those who can admit when they make a mistake. It is the best tool I can think of for parenting when a parent admits a mistake and says, “I’m sorry.” When the owner of a corporation blames everyone for the company’s failures except the one in control, this common form of abuse occurs. I’m not saying we need to blame everything on God or our leaders, but we should at least consider them the problem first. This is how I approached my deconstruction, assuming that if God and the church are viable, they should withstand my scrutiny and not blame me for asking the question.
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If God is essentially the Word, and religion and relationship with Him are primary, then shouldn’t the relationship be defined by clear, honest, and effective communication?
Even though the Christian Church promotes the idea that God has a purpose and plan for each of us, my experience is that most people in the church have no idea what their purpose and plan are. A few of them make wild claims about how God speaks to them, but most of the time, what they say doesn’t work out well. If they are very good at promoting their “vision,” they eventually get on stage, where they can’t be questioned or challenged. The whole thing reminds me of an ignorant husband who brags publicly about his marriage while his wife admits in private that they can’t communicate.
Relationships need honest, open, and transparent communication. And the Greek word, logos, requires that the Word be logical and reasonable above all else. If God exists, then I hold God and religion responsible for failing to live up to their own standards.
There are dozens of other questions like these that, if we are honest enough to engage, might compel us to ask the question. Just like when I was investigating the hotel everyone said was haunted, it was the lack of answers to the question that prompted me to ask more questions, not just assuming the answers could not be known. Honesty and integrity should drive us to deeper examination, not leave us in an ignorant state where we don’t know the answers but feel like we are not allowed to ask the questions.
Now that Laura and I have genuinely addressed our unresolved trauma and discovered practices, therapies, and therapists that helped us find answers to many questions, we can now ask better questions and challenge each other’s assumptions toward a higher purpose. Even Jesus asked more questions than he answered. He knew the system or covenant was flawed and called for a new approach or covenant.
So, after 2000 years of scapegoating, defending, and protecting the new system or covenant, we still have many unanswered questions. We will be stuck for another 2000 years if we don’t start asking questions rather than defending our faith and the organizations that demand our unquestioned loyalty. If we keep attributing everything good or positive to God and blaming ourselves or our scapegoats for everything else, we will remain in a state of confusion while still claiming we are right and that God is on our side.
My only advice is to keep asking good questions and continue demanding quality answers.
Be where you are, Be who you are, Be at peace!
Karl Forehand
A Decade of Deconstruction: I Don’t Need God, I Need People
A Decade of Deconstruction: I Don’t Believe in the Devil
A Decade of Deconstruction: I Don’t Need Religion
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