Excerpt from the book Copyright © 2025 by Karl Forehand
Are Patriarchal Systems Effective?
“Patriarchy encourages men to accept male privilege
and perpetuate women’s oppression”. – Allan G. Johnson
Sometimes, we question the effectiveness of systems based on their immediate results and who is asking. For instance, corporal punishment produces quick outcomes because a stronger adult can easily dominate children. It forces them into submission and somewhat alleviates the immediate situation. This practice addresses the urgent issue of misbehavior by instilling fear and coercion. Although it yields fast results, it may also have long-term effects that could be harmful as the child matures into adulthood.
Like many things, we often choose the easier path instead of the more challenging, life-affirming choices. Punishing a child to deal with a situation is more straightforward because, as adults, we are stronger than children. It’s also easier for men to dominate women, given men’s strength and the historical perception of them as the recognized leaders of families, corporations, and countries. However, just because we have done something for a long time, and even if it produces immediate results, it doesn’t mean these systems are effective or the best options for the future.
In my denomination of origin, the Southern Baptist Convention, we believed that men should be acknowledged as leaders in both the home and the church, ordained by God for this role, and qualified to lead—even when they were not. This flawed assumption caused significant harm to families and trauma for church members, as the narcissistic leaders of a church or family acted more like toddlers waddling around sanctuaries and homes, creating chaos.
During my time as a law enforcement dispatcher, I was struck by the frequency of domestic violence calls, known as disturbances, that we received. This was, by far, the most common occurrence.
I don’t know how we move past the fact that most men are physically stronger. Their traits often seem more intimidating than their female counterparts, making it easier for them to instill fear. However, these factors shouldn’t dictate our actions. We don’t live in caves anymore or encounter wild animals every day. Even those who choose farming as a career are no longer hunter-gatherers like they once were.
The Patriarchy We Experience
In the United States, we take great pride in our democracy, much like our congregational churches make decisions together. This process allows us to express our opinions about the operations of both our churches and the government. We rely on our representatives, including pastors and lawmakers, to advocate for our interests. It is essential for these organizations that we retain the power to dismiss a pastor or elect a new legislator, ensuring they remain accountable and genuinely represent us all.
The profound realization of aspects I had overlooked impacted me the most as I re-examined my faith after two decades of pastoring. My intentions weren’t malicious, but my limited understanding and privilege as a man clouded my perspective. I failed to recognize fundamental truths that others, shaped by different experiences, grasped well. The patriarchy lacked the motivation to confront issues of gender equality, social injustice, and narrow viewpoints because it did not perceive the reality that those affected understood well.
I didn’t see myself as a racist, but that doesn’t mean I was unaware of the daily experiences faced by people of color and those from diverse backgrounds. I recognized that I didn’t fully understand women, yet it often felt more like a joke than a genuine attempt to grasp what they experience. We didn’t welcome diverse opinions or perspectives because they interrupted our business processes. Our lack of appreciation for diversity led to the separation and segregation of individuals based on race and preferences.
However, the critical lesson I later learned from a woman was that the patriarchy harms not only women and minorities but me as well. I approached life with confidence rooted in a narrow worldview. I navigated life and shaped my beliefs with a limited understanding, which likely harmed my ability to genuinely offer hope and love to my neighbor.
A Better Way
Amid the turmoil of our latest election, a poignant example of wisdom emerged. The new administration is determined to establish a strict form of patriarchy, dismissing any viewpoints outside their narrow ideology. They aren’t even pretending to uphold democracy; instead, they are pursuing a theocracy that enforces their specific beliefs. Yet, before the inaugural celebrations concluded, the Episcopal Bishop of Washington, Rev. Mariann Budde, confronted the administration, urging them to avoid being controlling, indifferent, or coercive. She called on them to embrace Jesus’s challenge: to show mercy to the “least of these.”
“Let me make one final plea, Mr. President. Millions have put their trust in you and, as you told the nation yesterday, you have felt the providential hand of a loving God. In the name of our God, I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now. There are gay, lesbian, and transgender children in Democratic, Republican, and Independent families, some who fear for their lives. The people who pick our crops and clean our office buildings; who labor in poultry farms and meat packing plants; who wash the dishes after we eat in restaurants and work the night shifts in hospitals. They…may not be citizens or have the proper documentation. But the vast majority of immigrants are not criminals. They pay taxes and are good neighbors. They are faithful members of our churches and mosques, synagogues, gurudwaras and temples. I ask you to have mercy, Mr. President, on those in our communities whose children fear that their parents will be taken away. And that you help those who are fleeing war zones and persecution in their own lands to find compassion and welcome here. Our God teaches us that we are to be merciful to the stranger, for we were all once strangers in this land. May God grant us the strength and courage to honor the dignity of every human being, to speak the truth to one another in love, and to walk humbly with each other and our God for the good of all people. Good of all people in this nation and the world. Amen”[1]
When everyone’s emotions have settled, and we reflect on recent events, we will recognize this challenge as one of the most significant aspects of spoken words. Although I no longer identify as a Christian, I cannot disagree with her because I understand the messages conveyed in Christian scriptures. The call for mercy is much harder to implement; however, it remains one of the most effective ways to be a good person.
Recognize that the timeless principles of love, mercy, compassion, and justice are much easier to discuss than to put into practice. Implementing these ideals requires time, patience, and a commitment to prioritizing the future over immediate gratification. This reflects a genuine concern for others and a dedication to the common good for everyone.
If you listen closely, you might hear the death rattle of patriarchy and the misguided idea of a theocracy. But make no mistake: doing what is right is rarely easy. We must work together to resist those who propose simple solutions to complex problems. We must unite against our instinctual urge for a strong man to defeat our fabricated enemies and imagined adversaries. We must stop electing, voting for, and supporting those who entertain us with their extremism. It’s not a “reality show.” It’s real life, and it has consequences!
Questions About Questions
What belief(s) did you inherit concerning this question?
How is your response to this question changing?
[1] https://www.forbes.com/sites/siladityaray/2025/01/22/what-did-the-bishop-say-to-trump-during-prayer-service-heres-the-full-transcript/
Learn to be Where You Are (Presence)
Learn to be Who You Are (Authenticity)
Finding Regulating and Somatic Healing
Are you genuinely committed to deconstruction and seeking more profound answers?
If that’s the case, this book was created for you. As a former pastor, I made the mistake of deconstructing a bit and then trying to start something new, as I was trained to do. The problem with that approach is that I wasn’t ready to begin something new.
I hadn’t delved deeply enough or asked enough questions. The first stage of deconstruction typically includes assessing our beliefs regarding hell and the afterlife, supporting queer individuals and women in their fight for equality, and achieving a better understanding of racism and privilege.
Many people in deconstruction communities expend significant effort criticizing Evangelicals and attempting to gain a following. While I believe they deserve intense criticism, this strategy fails to effectively tackle the problem because they generally don’t listen to us!
Our tendency to punish our former organizations sometimes overlooks the challenging process of healing and growth. It is the same trap we fell into in our former associations.
Campfires occupy a special spot in the mosaic of history. They act as communal hubs across different cultures and faiths. The campfire’s circular design fosters equal participation within the collective group. The flames at the center draw our focus and encourage face-to-face interactions as we exchange experiences, wisdom, and insights about the world beyond. It is where legendary myths and tales are born.
Order Now – Study Questions in each chapter!
This book is named Campfires in the Desert as it stems from nearly 400 discussions we held with individuals on our podcast, The Desert Sanctuary, and our aspiration to improve.
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Karl Forehand Campfires in the Desert – A Soft Book Release. Karl Forehand is a former pastor, podcaster, and award-winning author. His books include Out into the Desert, Leaning Forward, Apparent Faith: What Fatherhood Taught Me About the Father’s Heart, The Tea Shop, and Being: A Journey Toward Presence and Authenticity. He is the creator of The Desert Sanctuary podcast and community. He has been married to his wife Laura for 35 years and has one dog named Winston. His three children are grown and are beginning to multiply! You can read more about the author here.
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