Relief all round as noisy Rabbi Tosh buggers off back to Canada

Relief all round as noisy Rabbi Tosh buggers off back to Canada April 3, 2009

THE Grand Rebbe Meshulam Feish Lowy of Tosh – or Rebbe Tosh as he is known to his Ultra-Orthodox Jewish followers – has been giving awful earache to residents in the Victoria Park area of Fort Lauderdale.
Tosh, from Montreal, had taken up residence in a vacant Mansion to escape the Canadian winter – and, within days, local authorities were bombarded with complaints from residents about late-night stomping and moaning, loud music, crowds and cars.

Rabbi Tosh, wielding scissors, meets a young devotee
Rabbi Tosh, wielding scissors, meets a young male devotee
Devotees, according to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, were driving miles to spend a few moments with the elderly, diminutive spiritual leader and to receive his blessing. The gnomish Tosh is 88.
Local resident Larry Eskesen wrote to his commissioner:

There is no doubt in our minds that the rabbi is a very spiritual man … but does he have to be spiritual so noisily?

But city officials were reluctant to take any action. They were mindful of what happened in Hollywood, where the city tussled for years with the Chabad Lubavitch Jewish sect which set up in a residential neighborhood.
Said City Attorney Harry Stewart:

The Chabad is still there and Hollywood got tagged for $2 million.

And Cooper City, Florida, was ordered by a court last year to pay $325,000 to Chabad of Nova for using “discriminating” zoning laws to keep its synagogue out of town.
After researching the law and talking to an attorney, Victoria Park residents all but declared defeat this week.
At their monthly meeting on Wednesday night, President Ted Fling told them “the courts are against us.” He asked residents not to talk about it, lest they be sued.
Fearing allegations of anti-Semitism, City Manager George Gretsas, a devout Greek Orthodox Christian who went this week to the house to check out complaints, said:

When you have such a high-profile person visiting the city, you don’t want them to feel unwelcome … In Catholicism, it’d be like the Pope.

This apparently did not stop one irate resident from playing “Nazi music” loud enough for Tosh visitors to hear.
Then, as suddenly as he arrived, Tosh left for his home base in Boisbriand, Quebec, in preparation for Passover. No one’s sure when he’ll be back.
Note: The photo above, from an amazing collection posted here, cries out for a caption. Let’s have your entries by April 10. First prize of S T Joshi’s H L Mencken on Religion will go to the winner, along with a year’s subscription to the Freethinker magazine. The runner’s-up prize is a year’s subscription to the Freethinker. Please post your entries under this item for all to see and chuckle over.

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  • Michael Kelly

    Captions? – “I’m feeling peckish, lets see that little foreskin skin then!

  • Serai

    “Lucky for you that you are a girl, or you’d know intimately what these scissors are used for!”

  • “I know you’re a girl, but I can still show you what a bris is if you’d like….”

  • “Slice and suck? No my dear boy, this is the 21st century: we use these new-fangled ‘schmissors’ nowadays.”

  • remigius

    Rabid rabbi amid avid Hasid in bid to give kid yid lid.

  • Wurble

    Rabbi Tosh makes the first cut at the annual ringlet harvest or ‘Barbermitzvah’ as its better known.

  • Sir Jimmy Savile Fixed It for the Rabbi to take lessons from Nicky Clarke.

  • MotoWebbi

    The “young male devotee” looks like “he” is growing a nice little set of tits to me! Or maybe I’m just a confused priest?

  • Wurble

    “In a few years I will do this to your penis” Were the last words spoken to the missing child according to his parents. “Please come home,
    isn’t it obvious we love you?” said his mother.
    (Can I have more than one go?)

  • remigius

    If Wurble gets another go then so do I.
    Little kid – “Are you gonna screw me?”
    Rabbi – “Outa what?”

  • chrsbol

    “Are you ready to play ‘cock scissors or paper’?”

  • Angela K

    “I want your foreskin to make you another religious prick”

  • Tony

    ‘Call me Fagin again and I’ll cut the whole bloody lot off!’

  • Holland


  • col

    Rabbi: “…and this is the izmel.”
    Child: “iz bloody not!”
    (Alt: Child: “Mohel it is!”)

  • JJ

    First I’ll do you, then you do me and if these guys can watch we’ll call it ten whole bars of chocolate and a lolly. What do you say?
    (for my money chrsbol is the clear winner)

  • remigius

    Rabbi – “It’s lucky for you that I spotted the typo. For over 3000 years we’ve been cutting off the forecock instead of the forelock!”

  • remigius

    Little kid – “Mummy, when I said ‘I want some nutty chews’ I meant nougat!”

  • jaffacakes

    Let’s find another pair of curtains and i’ll make a coat for you.

  • I’m going to cut your cock off with scissors little boy, because I am a totally fucking sick perverted bastard, and because of religion, I’m going to get away with it.

  • Michael

    “you gotta snip a locket or too boy”

  • rog

    “I’ll give you a five second head start”

  • Holland

    “Just a little lock of hair to remember the lovely night you gave your uncles and me”

  • Holland

    “Now once more: was the holocaust real?”

  • mark

    Tosh, ” whoa there little one, what have we told you about running with scissors, you could have somebodys rabeye out.”

  • Stonyground

    Sorry I can’t bring myself to joke about this picture, it is just far too creepy. Had a good laugh at everyone elses efforts though.

  • modi13

    Caption: “I didn’t quite get it right the first time; I’m going to have to take a bit more off the top.”

  • remigius

    So what you’re saying is – this ain’t no laughing matter but you had a bloody good laugh anyway!
    Barry. In the very likely situation that I win both first and second prizes, could you give the extra subscription to Stonyground.

  • Barry Duke

    Remigius, let’s not be too hasty in counting chickens …

  • chrsbol

    Rabbi “After the ceremony my child you can have these scissors at a very good price.”

  • Wurble

    After failing so miserably at his first attempt, the Rabbi felt a bit of a prick, and all was well.

  • jest

    “My Pre…cious”

  • Rozi

    Rabbi: “I’ll need your foreskin.”
    Boy: “Why?”
    Rabbi: “To make a wallet and when I rub it, it’ll become a suitcase.”

  • rog

    One more, sorry!
    Rabbi: “We can do this the easy way or the hard way….

  • remigius

    Barry Duke.
    Chickens, schmickens. Whose counting?
    Oi va voi!

  • rog

    another: I really want that book 😉
    Rabbi: Don’t panic it’s only a bris, why do these kids always go off half cocked?

  • Stand

    I think these comments are sick.
    He is a very righteous and holy man with an elevated soul.
    He may cause traffic problems but that is all – I hope you do some research into judaism to see the beauty of the religion which doesn’t ask anything of anyone.
    If you met him you would know what a great soul he is.

  • hiemish

    B”h bizches the hilege tzdaik the bad neighbor moved and peace is back. All neighbors are. Happy!

  • Charlie

    Fling was probably the one playing the Nazi music. He terrorizes all of us living in the neighborhood with his holier than though dictatorial attitude and libelous comments.

  • to everyonewho mocks this saintly rabbi may u de in hell amen

  • kevin gabrielle hercules

    Hello everyone, here’s writting a neighbour, that lives right opposite the house of the rabbi, i live on the address of 401 NE 11 TH AVE, and i am writting here not only what’s on my mind, but what’s on more neighbour’s of the street’s mind, this rabbi has brought light to our street, we feel so happy every day we see such an holy angel, were very lucy that he’s on our street with us, i must say all the people that are around him always ask us if every thing is ok, they are such special people, we want him back.
    Let me explain everyone what was wrong! There was one neighbour on the back street that’s called 10 TH AVE, he lived right in the back of this rabbi’s backyard, and as this house was built a good few year’s ago know-one had lived there since they finished building this house, all the light’s were alway’s off and dark, now that the rabbi came here, the light’s in the back and front are alway’s on, and this neighbour didn’t like the light in the back, as it was too strong for his window’s at night, so he tried to disturb them when they had there party’s and friday night’s to call police, i had spoke to him put on a shade cover your window with blind’s, but he didn’t want, as he answered “i should put blind’s and curtain’s becouse they have come here” they should go some where else, any way he was a little sick, but he moved already, and this past Winter the rabbi came back and evry think was ok. Everyone is Happy!