AS everyone on the planet ought to know by now, Judgment Day is slated for May 21, 2011 – that’s in just three days’ time.
We know the end is pretty damn nigh because a senile Christian bullshit merchant called Harold Camping, head of Family Radio in the US, has spent months – and around $3-m dollars Â – warning us about doomsday.
The millions Camping has spent on ads across America, we suspect, did not come out of his own pocket, but was extracted from batshit crazy followers. And one of his devotees Â- retired subway worker Robert Fitzpatrick – has blown his entire $140,000 life savings on an ad campaign in New York city warning of the apocalypse.
Camping is 90, so we can confidently predict that his world is about to end soon – but for those who actually believe the old fool’s prediction there is a problem: what’s gonna happen to their pets come Saturday?
A bunch of enterprising atheists in 26 US states have come up with a solution: they have set up a business to care for the animal companions of any Christians who are selected to go to heaven when Jesus Christ comes back.
Eternal Earth-Bound Pets says on its website:
You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved. But when the Rapture comes, what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?
The post-doomsday pet rescue service, according to this report, already has 259 clients, who have paid $135 for the first pet and $20 for each additional pet at the same address, to ensure the faithful animal companions are looked after and loved even when their Christian owners have been whisked up to heaven.
All the rescuers are sworn atheists, which means they will definitely be left behind on Earth, ready to care for pets after the Rapture.
When Judgement Day happens, Eternal Earth-Bound Pets co-founder Bart Centre said:
We will notify all of our rescuers to go into action and they will drive to the homes of anyone who’s signed a contract with us, pick up their pets and take them home and adopt them as their own, keeping them happy and healthy for the rest of their lives.
This will happen only if and when the Rapture happens. So we do not expect to have to do anything on Saturday.
Contracts are good for 10 years, just in case the Mayan calendar prophesy, which predicts the world will end in December next year, comes true.
Meanwhile, a “handy” form is doing the web rounds which Rapture-bound people can fill out to ensure their worldly goods go to the right people.