Dakota man arrested for dipping his butt in church’s holy water

Dakota man arrested for dipping his butt in church’s holy water October 11, 2018

Some days it’s hard not to laugh out loud while trawling the Internet for stories of interest to Freethinker readers.

Today was one – and concerns a fella called Zachary Burdick, above, who got himself arrested on a number of charges after he disrupted a Catholic Mass at on Tuesday at the Spirit of Life Church in Mandan.

Around 75 people were attending the 9am Mass when Burdick walked in into the church and started to strip.

Once naked, he began masturbating as he walked down the aisle toward the altar. A witness told police that Burdick started to “splash around” in a holy water fountain.

The priest said Burdick “dipped his rear end” into the water, and that the fountain will have to be drained, cleaned and sanitised – at a cost of $500.00.

Lori Flaten, a police spokesperson, said that earlier in the day Burdick had tried to bless parishioners at the church with the Book of Mormon, but was told to leave.

Burdick was arrested on charges of criminal mischief, indecent exposure and ingestion of a controlled substance other than marijuana.

As Burdick bounced around in the back of a police car, he told an officer that he was “tweaking,” and explained that he had ingested meth.

His Facebook page says he’s a songwriter from Devil’s Lake, North Dakota.

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • HamburgerHelperAgain

    What a loser. You’re supposed to do that stuff at home

  • Andres Tejeda

    I understand not liking a religion but damn that’s too far. I mean if you want to, you could just pour a bottle of liquid ass in the fountain when no one was looking so anyone who sprinkles it on them smell horrible. But his stunt is just too far and I am surprised they didn’t shoot him.

  • CoastalMaineBird

    Why is “holy water” damaged by a little ass music?
    Is your god really so weak?

  • Chris MacKechnie

    Why does it cost $500 to clean a fountain?

  • CoastalMaineBird

    They have to use holy soap and that stuff ain’t cheap…

  • Broga

    Barry: Watch the film SPOTLIGHT and you will soon forget to laugh. I’m keeping it ready for anyone who is crazy enough to trust their children with a priest.
    Who is to blame for Florida? Is God punishing the USA for Trump? $trillions lost in shares, Trump decides Saudia Arabia can kill as long as the buy USA arms. USA politician says, “Who would trust the USA after this? Trump abandons principles for cash after a week.

  • barriejohn

    That was a bum rap.

  • TrickyDick

    As Helen Lovejoy would say “Won’t somebody please think of the children!”

  • gedediah

    Guess before they go sprinkling that stuff on babies they’ve had to consider the risk that their god’s healing power might be imaginary. They’re a little more rational than any of us realised!

  • Broga

    With the faithful becoming unfaithful they have to exploit the remainder.

  • laura1919

    Rent boys who can clean don’t come cheap.

  • DogGone

    Principles? He ain’t got no stinkin’ principles!

  • barriejohn

    I’ve just seen an anagram:

    Zachary Burdick = Yuck – crib hazard.

    Seems appropriate!

  • CoastalMaineBird

    I think we’ve had enough of priests thinking of the children…

  • Samantha Vimes

    Getting high and acting out sexually in public in front of people who did not consent to the display? Objectively obnoxious.

  • MystiqueLady

    Principles? We don’t need no stinkin’ principles!

  • MystiqueLady

    Well, at least there will be ONE clean holy water font:
    “Most holy water contaminated with fecal matter: study”
    https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2013/sep/15/most-holy-water-contaminated-fecal-matter-study

  • Mefistofele

    I don’t suppose Zach would have been quite such an exhibitionist if it hadn’t been for the Dutch courage obtained from the meth. Perhaps he should try writing anti-chritian songs for the band as a form of protest in the future, as he’d be unwise to end up in jail with that pretty face!

  • I read that same (or another very similar) article. Then I thought about how toilets are generally cleaner than the counter on which food is prepared, ugh!

  • Wile F. Coyote

    Guy from Devil’s Lake dunks own ass in Catholic Church water bowl. Film at eleven.

  • Doesn’t say much about the apparent new recruiting methods and meth habits of the Morons, er, I mean, Mormons, does it?

  • pandoradog

    Or even principals.

  • ConcernedCitizen15

    If it costs $500, I wonder how often it is cleaned. How many babies share the same water? When I get a pedicare or take a bath, I get clean water every time without paying $500.

  • DingoJack

    Was what he did, ass-holy?

  • David Cromie

    As I understand it, ‘holy’ water has magical properties – perhaps Burdick was hoping for a cure for his haemorrhoids.

  • Chamber

    Can’t “God” clean it or re re bless it or purify it or whatever. I mean, if he can turn regular water into wine then why can’t he turn butt water into pruno (prison toilet alcohol). I was gonna call it toilet liquor but then I realized how it sounded.

  • Jim Jones

    > The priest said Burdick “dipped his rear end” into the water, and that the fountain will have to be drained, cleaned and sanitised – at a cost of $500.00.

    Bullshit. Those things are always contaminated with E Coli. People won’t wash their hands. Never touch that stuff – it can make you sick.

  • Jim Jones

    > Who is to blame for Florida?

    The federal government, for insuring properties built in places they never belonged and built well below acceptable standards for such regions.

  • Jim Jones

    > Film at eleven.

    I wonder if someone did film it.

  • Wile F. Coyote

    It would have been all over twitter or youtube within seconds.

  • Some guy

    Hey, it’s not like he was dunking icky girl parts in the stuff!

  • Taylor

    Wtf!! I know this guy!! I used to hang with him bout 3 years ago. Surprised to see he was tweaking. He always told me he hated meth…