Let us spray: bishop will drench Colombian demons with holy water

Let us spray: bishop will drench Colombian demons with holy water June 28, 2019

THE Colombian seaport city of Buenaventura has a ‘wickedness’ problem, but Catholic Bishop Monsignor Rubén Darío Jaramillo Montoya believes he has a way of solving it.

Montoya, above, claims the entire city is is being plagued by demons, and is planning to use a helicopter to spray holy water over all of Buenaventura.

“Mission: Destroy the Demons” is due to take place on July 14 when a helicopter borrowed from the navy will be used to drench the Devil’s spawn with holy water.

It might be a good day to have umbrellas at the ready.

The bishop said:

We want to go around the whole of Buenaventura from the air and pour holy water onto it … to see if we exorcise all those demons that are destroying our port.

Buenaventura, Colombia’s biggest Pacific seaport, is notorious for drug trafficking and the violence inflicted by criminal gangs.

Human Rights Watch issued a report on the city detailing the recent history of abductions by successor groups to right-wing paramilitary guerrillas. The gangs have been known to maintain “chop-up houses” where they slaughter victims.

Montoya added:

In Buenaventura we have to get rid of the Devil to see if we can return the tranquillity that the city has lost with so many crimes, acts of corruption and so much evil and drug trafficking.

It will be a great public demonstration for the entire community, where we will pour holy water to see if so many bad things end and the Devil goes out of here.

Although there have been efforts to tackle violence by creating a “humanitarian zone” in the city, the bishop said there have been 51 murders in Buenaventura in 2019 so far.

Hat tip: Robert Stovold

"The notes received would have been a "hell" of a lot more interesting as well!"

Kentucky school forced to scrap a ..."
"A prayer to the Satanic Temple would have been forwarded? I don't believe it."

Kentucky school forced to scrap a ..."
"Which kid figured out how to use this to ID the easy girls?"

Kentucky school forced to scrap a ..."
"Maybe Barr's never heard that most European countries, with much lower levels of religiousity than ..."

US Attorney General William Barr blames ..."

Browse Our Archives

Follow Us!


TRENDING AT PATHEOS Nonreligious
What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • CoastalMaineBird

    I have a hunch there will be no demons in Colombia after this episode.

    The problems will still be there though.

    A learning opportunity, but probably missed.

  • Jim Jones

    Well, I can’t see how that can fail!

  • Michael Neville
  • barriejohn

    I do trust that the Catholic Church will be paying the full costs for use of the helicopter and pilot, etc.

  • Mike Panic

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • larry parker

    Holy chem-trails, Batman!

  • Zetopan

    And will they be using their Vatican designed and built Demon Detector[tm] to count the demons before and after the spraying to make this all scientific?*

    *The pope claims that the catholic church is “totally compatible” with science.

  • Zetopan

    The catholic church is learning, they have turned their PR up to 11!

  • Zetopan

    Helicopter? Are the angels* suddenly too lazy?

    *The alternative spelling is “angle” since that is what they really are.

  • Broga

    No chance.

  • Broga

    There is potential for this method in the UK. Spray the Houses of Parliament, and don’t spare the holy fluid. I think Prince Charles would be interested in this innovative and exciting new method.

  • TheBookOfDavid

    Will the water come fresh from the tap and blessed by Montoya before launching the Holy crop duster, or does he plan to fill it from the baptismal font? If the latter, I hope it is tested by health and sanitation officials first. It kinda defeats the purpose of expelling the evil spirits of Buenaventura if he is only throwing out the welcome mat to the demon of cholera.

  • barriejohn

    100% guaranteed!

  • barriejohn

    I have a feeling that Prince Charles would be right behind this stupid stunt:

    https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2019/jun/25/prince-charles-criticised-continuing-promote-homeopathy

  • Broga

    The tragedy – and I use the word deliberately – of Charles supporting this kind of crap is that, as a royal, innocents are misled into taking him seriously. There are examples of patients choosing homeopathy and even more bizarre “treatments” instead of scientifically based medicine which could cure. Children are often the victims.

    Charles is able, like the rest of the royal privileged, to step to the front of the queue whenever they decide they need the best medical treatment. There was a report years ago of scientists being told at a function attended by Charles that they must not raise subjects which would oppose his opinions. They should only speak when he spoke to them. Some of those present were Nobel Prize winners.

    I can’t remember the details but I think Professor Richard Dawkins was involved somehow.

    I hope Harry is happy with the £2.500.000 being spent on refurbishing his pad.

  • ManxStuart

    And there’s me thinking “pray and spray” was just a phenomena related to Uzis and drive-by shootings.
    Have to also mention that an Anglican bishop attempting to bless a new municipal cemetery round here set off a Christian turf war a few years ago. Believe it or not, the Catholics thought that some of his holy water had fallen on their part of the cemetery, and launched an official complaint with the council. You just couldn’t make this stuff up! Well, THEY do, but you know what I mean.

  • markr1957

    Chemtrails for Jesus? That’s a new twist.

  • CoastalMaineBird

    I just read this from the Wikipedia page on this absurd concept:
    In a study performed in 1995, 13 samples were taken when a burn patient acquired a bacterial infection after exposure to holy water. The samples in that study were shown to have a “wide range of bacterial species”, some of which could cause infection in humans.[11] During the swine flu epidemic of 2009, Bishop John Steinbock of Fresno, California recommended that “holy water should not be in the fonts” due to fear of spreading infections.

    Do NONE OF THESE CLOWNS SEE THE DANGER (MUCH LESS THE IRONY) IN THIS ?

  • barriejohn

    Let’s hope he gets the invocation right!

    https://youtu.be/HIla4w3ePFo

  • Duncan R. Bryson

    I’ve seen it before and quite a few others. Dave was always spot on and always very funny

  • Duncan R. Bryson

    It’s quite compatible. The navy’s fighting for Jesus.

  • Duncan R. Bryson

    He wants to water bomb the devil?

  • Duncan R. Bryson

    Just had a further thought. Does he really believe all this or is it just part of the scam to keep them all in cushy jobs? From my viewpoint, it’s all so ridiculous that I find it incredulous that this can be thought to have any effect whatsoever. Of course, they believe in the supernatural so it’s quite possible.

  • barriejohn

    Yes – to most British readers he would be a hero.

    “May your god go with you”!

  • barriejohn

    My father was told that during the last war, when a member of the Senior Service. But he was able to work out for himself that the enemy was being told the self-same thing!

  • Broga

    The water is being flown in from Lourdes. Frank has sent his blessing already. If you are the Pope you can send blessings by post. Difficult to believe, folks, that this is 2019 and while the priests are practising medieval voodoo NASA is planning to reach the moon and Mars.

  • Broga

    Lourdes if famous (if you are a “person of faith”) and infamous if you are rational for contaminating the sick who return home clutching their expensive souvenir trash and bottles of contaminated water.

  • DogGone

    LOL!!!

  • TheBookOfDavid

    Good call! Lourdes bugs are higher class, more spiritual, and doesn’t have the moral deficiencies of those drug dealing parasites south of the border. They made the wh…er, right choice.

  • TheBookOfDavid

    The Roman Catholic church is rolling in dough. The least they could have done was to have today’s blessing brought to you by The B-52s.

  • Michael Neville
  • Michael Neville

    They’ve also figured out how to disable ‍.

  • WallofSleep

    sǝloɥssɐ ǝsoɥʇ ʞɔnɟ

  • TheBookOfDavid

    Okay, you’re pulling my leg. The pope doesn’t do lawn darts, or have a field to play them on. Also, that’s not my leg.

  • Michael Neville

    There is a guy who makes fantasy aircraft pictures [LINK] showing what some aircraft would look like if owned by other countries or flown at other times. For instance, here’s a 1960s McDonald-Douglas F4D Phantom:II in WW2 Luftwaffe livery:

    https://ww2aircraft.net/forum/attachments/f045_f4d_germany_stg2-jpg.408762/

    I grabbed the “Vatican Air Force” pictures from that website.

  • sweeks

    This reminds me of another innovative use of aircraft to fight the forces of evil… in this case, something a bit more real: the Swine Flu. Sadly, equally effective. Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7jp753Xzb1Y