Op-ed: ‘Abnormal sex’ and Bishop Morphou Neophytos

Op-ed: ‘Abnormal sex’ and Bishop Morphou Neophytos March 30, 2020
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Now let me get this straight (pun unintentional), according to Saint Porfyrios and His Grace Bishop Morphou Neophytos, above, women give birth to homosexual sons (what about daughters?) if they have anal sexual relations (presumably with a feller, or should it be felon?) while pregnant.

The implications are (ahem!) pregnant with possibilities.

Now I am familiar with the weird and wonderful life-cycles of a few fungal parasites, but if we have to have a naturalistic explanation of this one it gets complicated.

I assume His Grace does not maintain that babies are born through ladies’ bottoms. (This, and the through-the-navel theory were believed in the Golden Age before sex and relationship classes.)

Okay, so during anal intercourse something like a prion or a virus has to get through the wall of the rectum, into the woman’s bloodstream and be carried to her uterus. Here it has to cross the placenta (usually difficult) and into the foetus’s bloodstream.

Now the foetus already consists of millions of cells and so the prion or whatever has to get into at least some of those in the foetal brain and epigenetically alter any genes for sexual orientation. Now that’s quite a job. If it is right, the Nobel Foundation should be told.

Off the cuff, so to speak, I can think of only one other explanation. God does the whole procedure in the wink of an eye by magic. You have doubtless guessed where this one is leading: yes, every gay baby is a miracle! That must be good for many people’s self-esteem. They may even have miraculous powers.

His Grace’s reference to “abnormal sex” (I assume he means abnormal sexual relations and not anomalous sexual organs or genitals) has me wondering what normal sexual relations are. Devout Orthodox husband and wife in the so-called missionary position?

Quite a number of women do not want anal intercourse and are turned off by it. But many women who do have anal intercourse want it and like it, and are not necessarily pressured into it by evil and depraved men.

Despite what old-fashioned men believe or used to believe, most women have a rich repertoire of sexual fantasies and these may include anal penetration by a man’s membrum virile or even by a dildo. And you don’t need a bloke for a dildo. If you think I’m making all this up, read Nancy Friday’s Women on Top (1991), but then she was accused of making it all up too!

I would like to see someone try to define “normal” sexual behaviour in some non-human animals. Bonobos come particularly to mind, as I think almost anything goes!

I am a “straight” or heterosexual man of advancing years, and I have never been attracted to anal intercourse. But that is just the way I am. I would be very wary of saying what is “normal” for other human beings, but I do have ethical objections to forms of sexual activity that do harm, like rape and knowingly spreading STDs.

I also object for ethical reasons to wilfully spreading toxic misinformation about human sexuality and to preventing young people having access to accurate information about human sexuality, relationships and consideration of others.

Saints, archbishops and bishops, please note!

• Nigel Sinnott is a former editor of the Freethinker who has been active in the freethought movement since 1963. He has lived in Victoria, Australia, since 1976, and is deeply interested in Anglo-Australian freethought history.

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