“3 Must-Haves for Happy Holidays” that I’m talking about are not gifts or decorations but something more personal. For most Americans, The Holiday Season refers to Thanksgiving, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, and New Year’s Day (here is a helpful list of this year’s observances). Some people find these occasions a perfect chance to celebrate. But for others, getting together can be difficult for many reasons.
Holiday Stress Levels
“While nearly half of U.S. adults (49%) would describe their stress levels during the traditional U.S. holiday season between November and January as ‘moderate,’ around two in five (41%) said their stress increases during this time compared with other points in the year. While stress appears to be common at this time of year, 43% said that the stress of the holidays interferes with their ability to enjoy them, and 36% said the holidays feel like a competition (‘Even a joyous holiday season can cause stress for most Americans,’ Bethune, 2023, American Psychological Association, https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress).
Changes in Stress Levels During the Holidays
The report also indicates that 41% said their stress levels increased, 52% felt the same as at any other time, and 7% felt less stress. Stress is a very subjective feeling to explain. For some, it might be mild anxiety, while someone else might experience a full-blown panic attack. In fact, as a pastor of 40 years, I know of people who endured such bad memories of past holidays that holidays triggered symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
The 10 Most Commonly Reported Causes of Stress
The same article cited the following statistics:
- 58% said the cause was spending too much or not having enough money
- 40% pointed to finding the right gifts
- 38% missed family or loved ones
- 32% just had too much to do
- 30% felt pressure to make the holidays special
- 25% said it was food or alcohol-related issues
- 25% felt they didn’t have enough time with loved ones
- 22% Family conflict
- 20% Felt left out or excluded
- 19% said it was the stress of so much travel.
Examining Personal Experience
Providing 3 Must-Haves for Happy Holidays is something we all can relate to. Even though we’re not all alike, I can only offer parts of my personal story as well as some of the things that help me stay on track. When I was young, every holiday was special. We looked forward to getting together with family, some of whom we saw only once or twice yearly. That made it even more special. Before too long, bad things started happening.
The Stress of Divorce in the Family
When one of my father’s brothers and his wife separated, we all felt it, but we were hopeful that things would work out. When we heard that their divorce was final, the hope for that relationship was lost. I remember feeling that something was missing. I’d heard about divorce, but I didn’t know anyone who was divorced. Now, though, things changed. My cousins were sad because they had to move out of their homes and live with relatives. I loved them deeply, so I felt it with them.
Alcohol is a big deal/problem
My parents decided to create a home without the influence of alcohol. That was also the teaching of the church I grew up in. In their opinion, total abstinence from alcohol was the best practice. Now, science backs up that idea. The World Health Organization has stated, “No level of alcohol consumption is safe for our health.” Alcohol was the primary factor in my uncle and aunt’s divorce. As I grew older, I began to realize how widespread the problem was. The National Institute of Health states, “The results from the present study provide support both for the effects of heavy drinking on divorce rates and the effects of divorce rates on expenditures for alcoholic beverages” (Alcohol consumption and divorce rates in the United States, 1999,
Emotionally Preparing for Happy Holidays
Holiday parties are a ritual at work, neighborhood, family, and friends. Much of the time, alcohol is involved. But so is recreational drug use, especially with the legalization of marijuana in many States. Add those factors to the mix of gathering with a mix of people that you love, like, don’t know, and dislike, and parties can quickly run downhill. Even if substance use or abuse wasn’t involved, just gathering with that mix of people can be difficult. Someone in the group has likely experienced the death of a family member or friend, a separation or divorce, a job loss, a negative health report, or some other difficult news. For those reasons and a host of others, here are 3 must-haves for happy holidays.
3 Must-Haves for Happy Holidays
1) Adjust your expectations
The holidays hold great promise for us. Before we know it, our expectations can create a false reality. The National Association of Educators provides sensible suggestions to help you adjust your expectations for the holidays.
- Reevaluate family traditions
- Hold a family meeting
- Plan ahead to spend less
- Establish gift boundaries
- Try gift alternatives
- Simplify decorations
- Dial down dining
- Rethink gift wrap
- Cut down Christmas card costs
- Allow yourself to say goodbye to guilt
Here’s one I’ll add: Celebrate Sobriety
2) Use the Buddy System
Have you ever attended a party only to find that you felt alone? Well, using the buddy system solves that problem. Plan and ask someone to go with you to any or all holiday events. Having a buddy along (or a date:) gives you someone to hang with when people split off at the party. It also helps with conversation if you are an introvert or have something heavy on your mind. Using the buddy system also allows you to leave early if you want and blame it on the other person (with their consent).
3) You don’t need to be part of every conversation
It’s a fact that some people are sure to bring up awkward or offensive topics. Let’s face it: we go to parties to relax, laugh, and celebrate, not discuss politics, sex, and religion. There will be a time and a place for those just not at the holiday party. Proverbs 26:20 says it well, “For lack of wood the fire goes out…” That’s right, if the conversation is weird, just change the subject, step away to refresh your drink, or politely say you didn’t come to discuss that topic. The simple truth is that you do not need to be part of every conversation.
Conclusion
3 Must-Haves for Happy Holidays could easily be expanded. Your own experiences and observations will tell you what you need to know. Most of all, if we remember that the holidays are about celebrating love, people and our shared traditions our holidays will certainly be happy.
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