Deep Theology in Indigo: The Color of Grief

Grief is a central tenet of the Christian story. God grieves the loss of perfect unity in the Garden and Job grieves the loss of his family. The prophets grieve the situation Israel continues to find themselves in and Jesus grieves his friend Lazarus. Still, American Christianity has such a hard time acknowledging grief.

Grief is often a point in our lives where we are forced to renegotiate what we think about the world. Our systems have been upended, and now we have to find a way to continue in this new life. For Jonathan Foster, when his daughter died unexpectedly, his relationship with God had to be reinterpreted. Indigo: The Color of Grief is a beautiful, poetic walk through, as he puts is:

“it’s weird
absence is nothing
a no-thing
but it’s very much something a some-
thing.”

How This Grief is Observed

Foster doesn’t shrink from grief. I think what people discount is the grieving are still somehow there. What I mean is that – grief doesn’t have to be the negation of joy and laughter. Jonathan fits the entirety of himself into this story because he is there. Whether it’s the story of the posthumously received Cap’n’Crunch or the tone deaf recommendation of Christian radio, grief is not a one-dimensional experience.

The prose itself is a testament to his concept of a no-thing. His poetry fills only a small piece of each page. In crafting each phrase, he is leaving room for the no-thing. The some-thing that is there when the no-thing comes home. To me, he is leaving room for his daughter to ‘fill in the gaps on the page’. As I read, I found myself stopping at points to stare at the empty page. I wanted to let her speak.

Deep Theology

I think much of the best theology is found outside the Bible. How we know anyone is by our experiences with them, and God is no different. Drawing on open theism and post-modern theology, Foster gives us a new way of working out grief. We don’t have to lean on platitudes like “everything happens for a reason” or “God must have big plans for you”. There is a better way.

“i doubt
God’s interested
in such labels

bad people good people

i think it’s a bit
more nuanced than that”

What Foster does so well is see the overlap in suffering and joy. The fiery pain of loss is the same fire of love. We cannot experience love without loss. Hell is more than an eternal pit of fire – hell is “the burning of love’s invitation to be embraced.” Heaven isn’t a place ‘up there’, but rather the interconnection of God with us.

“i think the same
is true for God
given heaven’s
entanglement with God

whether or not God exists
is in part
up to us

for God cannot
hold the orphan
feed the hungry
sit close to the lonely at lunchroom table

God cannot
build the levee insert the needle sit close

to the lonely at gravesite

but we can”

What Now?

Indigo: The Color of Grief is a must read for everyone. It doesn’t matter ‘how bad’ your loss is, we’ve all experienced it. Humanity is linked with suffering and grief and how we view the world around us makes a big difference. His last verse – how he concludes his grief – is an invitation to reflect. However we live, we are left with a question.

“and
now these two questions remain why do bad things happen?
and why do good things happen? but the greatest of these is
why do good things happen?”

Brad is a seminary student at Northwind Theological Seminary studying theology and the changing religious landscape in America. His master’s thesis looks at the role of the 20th century American Church in labor and social reforms. He works as a research assistant at the University of Rhode Island’s College of Pharmacy providing education and support for rural New Englanders impacted by the opioid epidemic. Brad spends nights and weekends playing in regional bands as a bassist, guitarist, and vocalist. When not at a computer, he loves to spend time with his wife and chasing his toddler around the house. You can go to his website to get updates on his writing, podcasting, and other events.