Sex. Pride, Self, Power and Passion – Look at the myths from practically any culture and these themes are right there, up front and center stage. Ask any family therapist, spiritual counselor, life coach, or mentor what they spend most of their time talking with their clients about and you’ll find the lists to be amazingly similar. Looking at our own relationship and what we discuss, debate, and flat out argue about, it’s no surprise that sex, pride, self, power, and passion are at the root of our disagreements (and agreements, we’d like to say).
We’ve found that it’s not only people in romantic relationships that struggle with these topics, but covens and magical communities too. Throw in intergenerational biases, intercultural assumptions, blended families of Pagans and non-Pagans, questions of race and equality and justice and gender and privilege and before you know it, a simple discussion about sex and fair trade coffee ends up starting a dizzyingly fast and vicious argument that breaks up a marriage, dissolves a coven, or fractures an entire tradition.
So knowing the precarious, pot-hole strewn road that is “Sex, Pride, Self, Power, and Passion”, we thought it might be a good idea to open up the whole flippin’ Pandora’s box and explore each of these, right here with you. The good news is, we come bearing tools, because if we are going down this road, we’ll need some help.
Gwion – Phoenix and I have crazy schedules. We each teach Pagan classes, we present at festivals and conferences, we co facilitate 5-7 day Witch Camps, we go to a bevvy of Pagan Community meetings, full moon gatherings, co-parent two beautiful daughters, I have a non-witchy day job, Phoenix is a full time witch and priestess and, for shits and giggles, we’re in the process of buying a business.
We do our level best to set aside time for each other and purposely schedule nothing on certain days, but life happens and those plans sometimes get wonky. Being busy isn’t the problem, not being on the same page is. For me, that’s where running the Iron Pentacle is so helpful. When I’m frustrated about money or stressed about time or worrying whether or not our sex life is fulfilling for both of us, I tend not to be present in the moments we do have, and then we have problems. Running the Iron Pentacle energy each day or, let’s be honest, as regularly as I can, allows me to see which point is “off” or needs attention. When I do that, I communicate more effectively and tend to be less reactive (translate that to “I can be a real dickhole sometimes”)Phoenix – When Gwion and I get out of sync or when things are off between us I can always trace it back to one of the points of the Iron Pentacle. Sex, Pride, Self, Power, and Passion aren’t just words that we thought sounded potentially triggering, they are part of a magical body of work used in several traditions, including the Reclaiming Tradition of Witchcraft. Using this tool can help you to work through some of the more challenging parts of being in partnership and community together. The Iron Pentacle can be a diagnostic tool, it can be a balancing tool, and it can be a tool to help you connect with your true self.
When these points are in alignment, we are balanced. It’s no coincidence then when each of us is balanced, our relationship is smooth and loving and nurturing. As a couple, we have more time for each other, set better boundaries and communicate more clearly. When these points are out of whack it has an impact on how well we get along, deal with our issues, and communicate.
This is not easy work. Each of these five points are charged words and are held really differently “out there” in the dominant culture. Over the next few blogs we’re going to explore the Iron Pentacle through the lens of our personal relationship – The lovely parts and the messy bits.