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May 5, 2021

I have been out of circulation more than usual. This last year has been hard on my mental health. I am not the only one. We need to talk about that. I just published a book for that conversation. There are so many other things to talk about and we will get to them. So many anti trans laws, Caitlyn Jenner throwing trans girls under the bus to advance her republican nomination, Richard Dawkins and his transphobic pals. We will… Read more

February 22, 2021

I became a dues paying member to an organization my child would not be safe in. My continued presence there would hurt my child. There was only one clear choice. I made the right choice and I made a promise. The Promise A few years ago, a former partner and I were enrolled in a program. We were gaining a better understanding of emotional intelligence. We were six months into a one year program when the bomb drop came, this… Read more

February 20, 2021

My mom grew up in Chicago and my dad grew up in rural Texas. Shortly after they got married they took a trip to Texas to visit the family. My grandparents took them to the Dallas zoo. While there my mom took a drink from a water fountain. My racist grandmother exclaimed in shock that she was using the black water fountain (she used more crass wording). 4 years ago my child and I were watching a movie together. They… Read more

February 16, 2021

“Maybe I could get a raise if I just said I identify as a poor black man.” This was said to me by a former boss. She was a middle aged white woman who lived in a nice home and was the director of our facility. I was silent and uncomfortable. She decided to go on. “Doesn’t bother you that people can just say they identify as a different sex and suddenly they get more rights than we do?” I… Read more

January 15, 2021

I stepped out of the lanai*. Within moments I felt a mosquito bite me, then another, and then another. Within moments I was surrounded. I went from irritation to fear and intense pain. A single mosquito filling it’s tiny body with my blood is one little thing. The experience of the swarm was too much, and I would learn later, dangerous. Not too long after this event in SW Florida I attended a symposium on privilege in Chicago. The topic… Read more

December 3, 2020

My old church is now a Domino’s Pizza! I sat on the curb across the street from the building and laughed like I have not laughed in months. The last vestiges of the legacy of Pastor Pat have died and it was a surprising relief. Freedom from religion is a beautiful thing. The History Of LifeBridge Church Before I was your local urban secular dad of a trans young adult, I was a preacher. Had been since the 1990’s. The… Read more

October 4, 2020

I was ten years old when my step father was attacked in a drug deal gone bad. At that age I should not have been aware of what a drug deal gone bad was. At that age I should not have known the horror of molestation at the hands of my stepfather and his best friend; but I was aware of all these things. Here I was, in an upstairs bedroom hearing my step father scream in fear as he… Read more

September 27, 2020

National Daughters and Sons day is another example of privilege. Every September 25th and September 28th I see public celebrations of binary children. Many of these public posts are by my friends and family members. Is it as ostentatious or deadly as gender reveal parties? No. Is it something that those with non-binary parents and children get to participate in? No. I’ve friends that are progressive and claim ally-ship. They claim to be on board with gender being a construct… Read more

September 23, 2020

“When my student org was meeting, our president and our faculty advisor, both of whom are black, called the rest of out for not being good enough allies. I’m disappointed that I’m not doing enough for people I care deeply for. When you were working on becoming a better ally to trans folks, what steps did you take?” This was an excerpt to a question my college aged child asked me recently.  My answer is pretty much the rest of… Read more

September 18, 2020

On September 18th of 2020, we lost Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. I told my child. We held space for each other. What now? This was the question we asked each other. What now? After that, I made a post on social media in a sensitive manner and spoke with three crying mama bears. Then I took a walk and felt the sting of tears in my own eyes. I thought to myself again, what now? I came home… Read more




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