National Daughters and Sons day is another example of privilege. Every September 25th and September 28th I see public celebrations of binary children. Many of these public posts are by my friends and family members. Is it as ostentatious or deadly as gender reveal parties? No. Is it something that those with non-binary parents and children get to participate in? No.
I’ve friends that are progressive and claim ally-ship. They claim to be on board with gender being a construct and equal rights. I see their Facebook feeds as they celebrate these days. I see them as they celebrate mothers and fathers days as well. Simply writing about my child sometimes brings me threats, conversations about laws, doxxing, and biblical lessons from the theologically and scientifically ignorant.
I am not asking people not to celebrate their children or their parents, but maybe it is time we took a look at how to deconstruct or dismantle the binary mindset and open up space for my child and the other two million US citizens like them.
I would love to be able to celebrate my 20 year old in the same manner these other parents do without risk. But I don’t get to. Too many people claim, incorrectly, that they/them/theirs as a singular pronoun in grammatically incorrect. If love of your misunderstanding of the English language is what prevents you from having love for children, the term Grammar Nazi may actually apply.
The other things we as parents hear is how brave we are or how brave our kids are. I have mixed feelings about that one. Because my kid and I are brave. But the only reason we have to be so is because not enough people vote well, too many allow local school districts, churches and politicians say horrible things . People who claim to be allies do not show up to the polls or the marches or stand up to the ignorant co worker or fellow parent that says something demeaning.
Trans-phobia, homophobia, racism, rape culture and all of this would be less acceptable and common if more people stood.
All we want is a normal existence. It is not just the non binary kid either, I have friends that are non binary who are parents. Where is their card at Hallmark?
Are we so lost in the pink and blue that we cannot imagine a little more? How is it that we can have such an uproar about Columbus day and the problematic names of sports teams, but we continue to live out and celebrate the binary leaving so many beautiful people in the margins?
I know that this article is more of a rant than an informative column, but this is my heart speaking that is broken for every child that reads these posts and wants to scream their pronouns at their non affirming parents that just posted for son or daughter day. This heart breaks for the parents that see siblings celebrated online without the same form of celebration for them. The heart breaks for every parent who treasures their child and does not have the same opportunity accorded them in the same level of celebration and awareness. Like me, they do not want to be a wet blanket on everyone else’s joy, but it sucks. It really sucks.
Do I want you, the cis het with binary kids to not celebrate your kids? No. Do I even want these days disbanded? I don’t know. I don’t need a father’s day. My dad never paid child support. My step dad was a pedophile. I am a good parent. I don’t need a gendered day of recognition. My penis does not make me a good parent, my love does. In the same way, our children’s genders are not what we love and celebrate. It is our kids that we love regardless of anything.
I love my child. I am so proud of them. For me, every day is a celebration. But it comes with a double edge. Days like 9/25 and 9/28 and the horrible comments made by people who saw the ABC News report on us are reminders that they (singular they, my child) are not completely equal in the eyes of even my friends in unconscious bias and privilege. They (plural, the 2 million non binary in the US) deserve better.
I’ve really nothing more to say on the matter.
I Need Your Help!
I need your help now more than ever before. I’m facing housing scarcity that I face on October 28th. Things could get bad for me. If anything I have written has had value to you, help me and my kid. This is all I know to do, write and ask.
- Buy Me A Coffee: You can buy me a coffee at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/patlgreen
- One Time Gift: Feel free to go to my paypal at paypal.me/patlgreen to make a one time gift.