It doesn’t take much to see that marriage, as a social institution, is undergoing great changes. While this should not be a surprise, since everything changes, adapting to those changes without losing our beliefs about the sacred nature of sacramental marriage is an important concern for modern Catholics. To deal with these changes, one of the most important things to do is to look at how Catholics have dealt with the situation in other times and places, because in doing so, we might find a way to help people who need the help, guidance, and acceptance of the Church. What I offer here are just some thoughts I have on the matter, with the focus being divorce and remarriage, and a way we might want to examine the issue. It is speculative. While I believe what I offer might be fruitful, I could be wrong. If I am, and if you have some other ideas, please let me know.
When dealing with marriage, the first thing we have to deal with is the difference between sacramental and non-sacramental marriages. Catholics are supposed to have sacramental marriages, while non-Catholics, obviously, will not. With sacramental marriages we have a few givens which cannot be rejected. First, a sacramental marriage is a vehicle of grace for the couple. Second, like the sacrament of orders, once the validity of a marriage is determined, the sacramental seal cannot be broken.[1] Thirdly, one can have only one sacramental marriage at a time.[2]
However, the Christian tradition has been able to acknowledge non-sacramental marriages as being valid marriages, so that those who are married in a non-sacramental sense, do not sin when sharing in the natural fruits of marriage. That is, Christianity does not view non-Christian married people are living in sin. This point is important for pastoral concerns — those who convert and are married, do not have to end their marriages, especially if only one of the married couple converts.
This ability to acknowledge non-sacramental marriages is an important part of the Orthodox tradition’s “acceptance” of divorce and remarriage. For the East, there is only one sacramental marriage. However, the East has seen the pastoral necessity of accepting that even some of those marriages do not last, and end in the couple splitting and divorcing. Such people can still remarry, but only in a non-sacramental sense, and such marriages are seen within the light of human frailty and penance instead of the joy of the sacraments. Those who also remarry after their spouse dies are also said to be in a similar situation as the divorcee. Though they can remarry, it will not be seen as sacramental. The East puts a limit to the number of times one can marry to three times — to make sure that pastoral concerns are not sanctions for abuse. This acceptance of remarriage is seen as an economic condescension to the needs of the people — it is better not to marry again, though as with the case of marriage, it is better to be in marriage than to live in sin. Divorce is seen to be the result of sin, but one which can be dealt with in penance and sacramental grace through penance and communion.
If one takes the proper understanding of sacramental marriage and add to it the Eastern understanding of divorce and remarriage, we would seem to end up with the possibility of accepting a kind of polygamy. We could have one who is sacramentally married to one person, divorced from them, and married in a non-sacramental way to another. Is this acceptable? In the sense that it works for the East, and it has a long history of practice, and it seems to work, the answer appears to be yes. It is not ideal, but it certainly is pastoral. And, if we look further into the Church’s history with marriage, we will find the Church has given dispensations to converts who are in polygamous marriages, to allow them to remain in such a marriage, usually for the sake of the women involved (to make sure they remain taken care of by their husband).[3] Scripture itself does present us with polygamy as a possibility.
In the light of the modern worldly situation, where divorce is common, the Eastern approach should be examined by the Catholic Church and taken seriously as a possibility. Many Catholics, good Catholics, find themselves in a difficult situation when their spouse enters an adulterous affair, divorces them, and leaves them wanting. They are lonely and desire companionship, and find the umarried life difficult. There should be a better pastoral way of dealing with them than just telling them “hold out.” Yes, if they can, it is best. But what about those who cannot? I think we need to work for their own salvation, to provide dispensations for them, just as dispensations were given in the past, and just like dispensations are given in the Eastern tradition. These dispensations are not a rejection of the inviolate nature of sacramental marriage, but the recognition of non-sacramental marriage remains a possibility, and one which does not have to end in sin. We could be honest and call it polygamy, but point out the unique nature of this form of polygamy: it would insist that once one is divorced from someone (from a sacramental or non-sacramental marriage), marital relations are forbidden with that person. In the case of a sacramental marriage, it would be similar to the situation with laicized priests, where the sacrament remains, but it is not to be lived out. Nonetheless, if we do this, I think it would help deal with a large group of Catholics who want to be faithful who have, nonetheless, divorced. They are a group which need ministered to, and we need to think beyond the ways we have done so, to acknowledge them and their ability to remain in the Body of Christ.
[1] Of course, that is, as long as both of the married partners are alive. There is a considerable debate as to the state of marriage in regards to death.
[2] And perhaps only one sacramental marriage.
[3] As it was a dispensation, it was not seen as automatic, and it was not given out too often.
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