Dear Catholic League

Dear Catholic League December 9, 2011

Well look what I found!  It’s a ‘contact us’ form for the Catholic League!  Squee!  And they want to hear information regarding incidents of anti-Catholic bias!

Man, can I ever help them out.

Dear Catholic League,

This feedback form begins with the sentence:

Please give us any information regarding incidents of anti-Catholic bias.

Boy, do I have one for you:

I am a perfect target for your Adopt-an-Atheist program.  You want to convert the faithless?  You’d have to go pretty far to find someone like me.  I have an enormous bias against dumb-as-shit ideas, which pretty much makes me biased against Catholic ideas.  I think the cracker is just a cracker, a tasteless one at that, and I think anybody who thinks it becomes the blood of another human being is 1) insanely gullible and 2) pretty fucking sick for eating it.  I think anybody who believes a Canaanite Jew rose from the dead has a capacity for evaluating reality less than any five year-old who has managed to emancipate herself from belief in Santa Claus.  I also think anybody who gives money to an organization that enables and defends child rapists needs a serious recalibration of their moral compass (read: they’re a horrible human being).  I also think that, if the pantheon of hell truly exists, that the tallest pillars in it were constructed for people so aloof that they’ll contribute to an organization that shields pedophiles and then go out into the world and boast their moral superiority.

Clearly, I’m an excellent candidate for adoption.

You don’t have to contact any affiliates to adopt me, I’m happy to come right to you.  My email address is wwjtd21[at]gmail[dot]com.  Come adopt me.  Hell, I’ll even put your conversion attempts on a fairly well-read atheist blog for a bunch of other atheists to see.  Think of the potential for bringing people to Christ!  You’re welcome.

Great idea for a program.

JT Eberhard

Greta, Greg, Skeptic Freethought, RantaSarah Rex, PZ, and myself all think the Adopt-an-Atheist campaign is a swell idea!  For those who love de-converting the faithful, hop on this train!  Go email them and then send me a copy of your email.

I will post all their attempts to convert me (if they were serious about adopting atheists) and I will post the best emails to the Catholic League asking to be adopted.  Points for creativity.

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