Texas GOP's platform is batshit insane

Texas GOP's platform is batshit insane June 28, 2012

Wow.  Just wow.  The Republican Party in Texas just released their platform for the coming year.  That’s a lot of stupidity crammed into one document.

The sanctity of human life, created in the image of God, which should be protected from fertilization to natural death.

Which looks pretty interesting (read, “stupid as all hell”) juxtaposed against this.

Capital Punishment – Properly applied capital punishment is legitimate, is an effective deterrent, and should be swift and unencumbered.

Or try this lovely bit of talking out both side of their mouths.  The Texas GOP supports…

Having an educated population…

But opposes…

…the teaching of Higher Order Thinking Skills (HOTS) (values clarification), critical thinking skills and similar programs that are simply a relabeling of Outcome-Based Education (OBE) (mastery learning) which focus on behavior modification and have the purpose of challenging the student’s fixed beliefs and undermining parental authority.

You can’t oppose the teaching of critical thinking and claim to want an educated populace!

So after all this double speak they then have the temerity to say…

Germane Contents Requirement – All content of any bill must be germane to the title of the act.

Bear in mind, this is the same party that gave us a host of oxymoronic legislation (emphasis on the moronic) like the Clear Skies Act (which curtailed the power of the EPA).  How stupid do they think the citizenry of Texas is?  Apparently pretty fucking stupid.  The sad thing is, I’ll wager anything that votes in Texas this fall will confirm that the GOP was right.

Some parts of their platform contain, in literally one line, things that would be hilarious were they not so depressing.

The Republican Party of Texas believes in equal opportunity for all citizens without regard to race or gender. To that end, we oppose affirmative action.

What???  Like saying we support trimmed yards, and are therefore opposed to lawn mowers.

This one really made me laugh.

Patriot Act – We urge review and revision of those portions of the USA Patriot Act, and related executive and military orders and directives that erode constitutional rights and essential liberties of citizens.

You were the ones who didn’t give the first shit about the rights of citizens when you were clamoring for it to be passed!  You don’t get to put out a fire you started and call yourselves heroes.

Also, the politicians in Texas seem averse to listening to experts in pretty much any field.  You thought Don McLeroy was the lone weirdo who thought somebody had to stand up to the experts?

We strongly support the immediate repeal of the Endangered Species Act. We strongly oppose the listing of the dune sage brush lizard either as a threatened or an endangered species. We believe the Environmental Protection Agency should be abolished.

Because what has the planet ever done for us?

So far the Texas GOP knows better than biologists in regards to biology and better than climatologists and environmental scientists with regards to the environment.

The Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (“Obamacare”) ― We demand the immediate repeal of the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act, which we believe to be unconstitutional.

The legal experts say you’re wrong.  But if you don’t give a shit what the experts say, that really won’t do much to dissuade you.  It shouldn’t do much to getting you elected either, but when your state is full of people drunk on the the ignorance of ancient Christianity, I’m willing to bet they’ll gobble it up like chicken fried steak and grits.

Immunizations ― All adult citizens should have the legal right to conscientiously choose which vaccines are administered to themselves or their minor children without penalty for refusing a vaccine. We oppose any effort by any authority to mandate such vaccines or any medical database that would contain personal records of citizens without their consent.

That covers disdain for the medical experts, but it’s in-keeping with the rest of their platform which essentially says that individuals have a right to make things shitty for everyone else if they choose to.

Free Speech for the Clergy – We urge amendment of the Internal Revenue Code to allow a religious organization to address issues without fear of losing its tax-exempt status. We call for repeal of requirements that religious organizations send the government any personal information about their contributors.

And why not?  Churches and pastors have totally demonstrated they can be trusted financially.

And what’s this horseshit on clergy not having free speech?  They can say whatever they want.  Of course, if you don’t want to pay taxes, you must stay politically neutral.  If you want to play politics you’re perfectly free to do so – you just have to pay taxes like everybody else.  You don’t get to avoid paying taxes because fuck you we’re the church.  Aren’t the GOP supposed to oppose free loaders?

The Republican Party of Texas supports the historic concept, established by our nations’ founders, of limited civil government jurisdiction under the natural laws of God

Which god?

Legislature and the U.S. Congress to enact legislation prohibiting any judicial jurisdiction from allowing any substitute or parallel system of Law, specifically foreign Law (including Sharia Law), which is not in accordance with the U.S. or Texas Constitutions.

We want god in government!  Just…not that god.  Y’know…we want our god.

Further, we urge Congress to withhold Supreme Court jurisdiction in cases involving abortion, religious freedom, and the Bill of Rights.

We support a system of check and balances…just not when our interests might get checked.

The rest of their platform is practically giving the Constitution a hand job (which it deserves), but when it comes to something like Article 3 (the one establishing the powers/responsibility of SCOTUS), the Constitution suddenly gets kicked to the curb without so much as a good night kiss.  They treat the document like creationists treat science: it’s a great tool when it agrees with them, but fit for being pissed on when it doesn’t.

Religious Symbols – We oppose any governmental action to restrict, prohibit, or remove public display of the Decalogue or other religious symbols.

Because fuck the Bill of Rights.  The Texas GOP’s document is borderline worshipful of “the Founding Fathers” insofar as their corpses can be used as ventriloquism dummies for their platform.  When it comes down to the ideas of the Founding Fathers that conflict with the Texas GOP, their respect for our founders evaporates like a stain of breath on a mirror.

Flag Desecration – Any form of desecration of the American Flag is an act of disregard for our nation and its people and penalties should be established for such.

“The Founding Fathers were swell!” they exclaim while taking two-flush monster shit all over free speech!”

Family Values ― We support the affirmation of traditional Judeo-Christian family values and oppose the continued assault on those values.

Those values are transparently moronic in the 21st century.  They should be opposed.  You don’t like it?  Defend them.  Don’t just whine that they’re being challenged.

Because mind-meltingly idiotic traditions exist (see Sharia Law), “tradition” doesn’t earn you squat if our priority is avoiding mind-meltingly idiotic policies.  This is especially true when you want to dictate how others live their lives.  You’d better have a damn good reason such as, “this causes harm to other human beings and society” that you can back up with evidence.  You don’t just get to say, “These are our traditions, so you have to live by them.”  The least you deserve for that position is a massive, “fuck you!” from the rest of us.

I have some traditions you probably don’t like.  You shouldn’t have to construct your life around my traditions.  Likewise us for yours.

Homosexuality ― We affirm that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society and contributes to the breakdown of the family unit. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans.

What a bunch of petty children chained to a religion that has made them proud of their hate.  You want to talk about something as harmless as loving someone else of the same gender tearing at the fabric of society in a document that flips the bird at experts in every field, drips with xenophobia, and creates classes of secondary citizens for the LGBT and non-religious?  Seriously?

They seem to think the solution is for everybody to be like them.  I say the way to produce a healthier society is to send anybody with enough brain damage to cheer for this platform down to Texas and let them secede from the union.

Pornography ― We encourage the enforcement of laws regarding all forms of pornography, because pornography is detrimental to the fabric of society.

Well, since conservatives are the biggest consumers of porn in America, I can only assume that conservatives a group of moral degenerates who are a threat to society.  Arrest them.

Conservatives condemning the evils of porn is like Catholics condemning child rape.  It’s a smoke screen for something they really don’t give a shit about as confessed by their actions.

Sex Education – We recognize parental responsibility and authority regarding sex education. We believe that parents must be given an opportunity to review the material prior to giving their consent. We oppose any sex education other than abstinence until marriage.

There’s the opposition to the psychological/sociological experts who have confirmed time and time again that abstinence-only education augments the spread of STIs and results in more teen pregnancies.

What it boils down to is that for these people religion > reality.  That’s damned stupid and damned dangerous.

If you thought all of this so far was stabbing-yourself-in-the-head-with-a-screwdriver nuts, you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.  Let’s talk about the GOP’s stance on education now.  Remember earlier when they opposed the teaching of critical thinking skills?  Strap in because it gets worse.

Here is the very first sentence in the “Educating Our Children” section…

American Identity Patriotism and Loyalty – We believe the current teaching of a multicultural curriculum is divisive.

And the very next sentence is…

We favor strengthening our common American identity and loyalty instead of political correctness that nurtures alienation among racial and ethnic groups.

Multiculturalism is divisive.  We can fix it by focusing on ourselves and ditching political correctness which, we’re to believe, is not divisive.

Students should pledge allegiance to the American and Texas flags daily to instill patriotism.

Piss on that!  Loyalty is earned, not imposed.  It was evil of the biblical god just like it’s evil of earthly tyrants.

Non-US citizens should not be eligible for state or federal grants, or loans.

Doesn’t matter how brilliant they are, if they’re foreigners we don’t want ’em.  Clearly the Texas GOP is concerned about divisiveness among cultures…

Parental School Choice – We encourage the Governor and the Texas Legislature to enact child-centered school funding options which fund the student, not schools or districts, to allow maximum freedom of choice in public, private, or parochial education for all children.

No.  You don’t get government dollars to send your kid to a school.

Until such time as all texts are required to be approved by the SBOE, each ISD that uses non-SBOE approved instructional materials must verify them as factually and historically correct.

This is actually a great idea, as it would ordinarily nix creationism and revisionist history bullshit (both of which are supported in the Texas GOP’s platform).  But, in Texas, who would get to determine if those textbooks were factually/historically accurate?  The experts who have spent their entire lives in dedication to an academic discipline and who are checked and re-checked by other experts?  No, silly!  The people vetting those books are the population, most of which had their last contact with academics in high school.

…the ISD board must hold a public hearing on such materials, protect citizen’s right of petition and require compliance with TEC and legislative intent.

I’m just done.  I can’t even continue to the second half of this thing (yes, this blog covers only through page 13/22, and it doesn’t even come close to hitting on everything I could’ve hit on).

There are two exceptions.  The first, on page 16, with regards to government agencies.

We support abolishing all federal agencies whose activities are not specifically enumerated in the Constitution; including the Departments of Education and Energy.

You want to abolish the department of education?  That’s a priority you have for making our country better?  Jesus Fucking Christ.

In dealing with US’s military involvement in Israel it says:

Our policy is based on God’s biblical promise to bless those who bless Israel and curse those who curse Israel and we further invite other nations and organizations to enjoy the benefits of that promise.

This is theocratic.  It’s sectarian.  It’s illegal.  Policies that elevate a single religion above all others, enshrining it as a legislative priority in a nation populated by people of many religions, are an affront to the very concept of America as a safe haven for people of all cultures.  It is a concept the Texas GOP would gleefully burn away while touting their love for the Founding Fathers of this nation.

This document is an insult to the citizens of Texas.  It is an indictment on each and every one of them accusing them of being a group of hateful, egotistical morons.  Unfortunately, these are accusations to which most Texans, come the fall and with the help of faith, will enthusiastically plead guilty.


"Evolution within species is not evolution. It is natural selection. Evolution is supposed to show ..."

Disproving Evolution – Part 15 – ..."
"Populations do not evolve. Populations show you they are not evolving. Unless you are referring ..."

Disproving Evolution – Part 15 – ..."
"You don't seem to get it. The bible is quite interesting and says some true ..."

Am I evil for pointing out ..."

Browse Our Archives