Archbishop says divorced couples must live as “brother and sister”, since remarried Catholics don’t get communion.

Archbishop says divorced couples must live as “brother and sister”, since remarried Catholics don’t get communion. July 8, 2016

The Archbishop who heads the Catholic Church in Philadelphia has made it clear that divorced people don’t get another crack at a fulfilling relationship if they still want to eat the Church’s crackers and drink its grape juice:

The head of the Roman Catholic Church in Philadelphia is closing the door opened by Pope Francis to letting civilly remarried Catholics receive Communion, saying the faithful in his archdiocese can only do so if they abstain from sex and live “as brother and sister.”

Archbishop Charles Chaput, who is known for strongly emphasizing strict adherence to Catholic doctrine, issued a new set of pastoral guidelines for clergy and other leaders in the archdiocese that went into effect July 1. The guidelines reflect a stance taken by Pope John Paul II.

“Undertaking to live as brother and sister is necessary for the divorced and civilly remarried to receive reconciliation in the Sacrament of Penance, which could then open the way to the Eucharist,” the guidelines read.

Church teaching says that unless divorced and remarried Catholics received an annulment — a church decree that their first marriage was invalid — they are committing adultery and cannot receive the sacrament of Communion.

It just boggles my mind to think of all the conflicting lines of attack the Catholic Church has in trying to convince people to join while still exerting their supposed moral authority in arbitrary and, frankly, stupid ways.

Join the Catholic Church and feel the joy that Jesus and our teachings will bring to your life!  Oh, you married a mean-ass bastard and didn’t learn his true nature until after the ceremony?  Welp, tough shit.  You need to live with him and never fulfill your sexual needs again.  Oh?  Gay people?  That’s not really love.  Let us tell you what love is: it’s living like brother and sister with somebody you can hardly stand anymore with no option to be with someone you at least find easier to tolerate.

Gee, why are those damn happily married homos destroying marriage, right?

The now-sainted John Paul II, in his 1982 document on the family, proposed the brother-sister option for divorced and remarried couples as the only way they could receive Communion.

In Francis’ revision of that document, which conservatives like Chaput have criticized for sowing confusion, Francis made clear that John Paul’s proposal was simply unrealistic and unhealthy for families.

If only there were an easy way to handle the way we address love without sowing confusion.  Hrm, I have some ideas:

  1. You both want to bump fuzzies?  Cool.  Use a condom and birth control if you don’t want to shit out a kid before you’re ready.  You don’t need a ring on your finger to enjoy this.
  2. Talk to people.  Treat them well.  If somebody treats you like shit, don’t be around them — even if they put a ring on it.
  3. People are different.  Some find blonde hair attractive, others brunettes.  Some people like green eyes, others brown.  Some people like boobs, others like dongs (and some like both).  There is no overarching set of rules for what each person will find fulfilling in a relationship, or the type of person to whom they should be attracted, or the way they should conduct their relationship if they decide they want one.  Any organization telling you differently doesn’t understand the very basics of love — and if they tell you that they are the divine authority on the subject, you should either giggle at them for the outrageous absurdity or pity them for having the self awareness of a ficus.

This is not revelation or rocket science, it’s just obviously how to be happy in love.  And with that, I’ve ascended to greater wisdom than god, apparently.  I rule.  Now give me 10% of your income.

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