Buddhism and Sex

Quite obviously, the average Buddhist layperson has no present intention of living a celibate life, nor is this being urged here. But some knowledge of the nature of sexuality and of how it can be transcended can help him to solve his sexual problems, if only by helping him to avoid self-deception.

Sex and the Stages on the Path

According to the Buddhist teaching, the path to Full Enlightenment is marked by the successive attainment (and fruition) of four stages. The first of these is that of the stream-winner (sotapanna), who has broken three of the ten fetters and "glimpsed Nibbana." The essential factor here is the clear realization of impersonality (anatta). This realization at the same time eliminates skeptical doubt and belief in rites and rituals. In our present connection the important point to note is this: in the moment when anatta is realized -- when, that is, the spurious nature of "self " is clearly seen -- there can, obviously, be no desire of any sort for that "self" and its gratification.

True, this moment of deep insight passes, but its profound effects remain. Desires return, but their root has been irreparably broken, so that they must eventually die away. In fact at this stage -- and this should be realized -- sexual desire, and aggression, may still be quite strong in some types of character. But of course they will never result in the grosser forms of misconduct. However, craving (including the sexual drive) in its more latent form may still be powerful enough to lead to repeated rebirths, up to seven times, it is said.

The second stage, that of the once-returner (sakada-gamin), when "Nibbana has been glimpsed" a second time, results in a dramatic reduction of both these urges. Henceforth, they have at most only "nuisance-value," and rebirth in the world of sensuality cannot, it is said, take place more than once. Only at the third stage, that of the non-returner (anagamin), are they quite eliminated. Such a person has no more ties with this world, and so will not be reborn here, though he may be reborn in another sphere before attaining Full Enlightenment.

From all this the conclusion may be drawn that, while it is indeed possible to "transcend sexuality" in this life, it is not by any means as simple as some suppose, and many who think they have done it are deceiving themselves. Nevertheless there are many in the robe and out of it who, without having reached this stage, have in practice gained complete control of the sex impulse.

Gaining Control

How, then, can control of sexuality be achieved? A large measure of control can certainly be gained by concentrative (samatha) meditation practice, which stills the mind and can lead to the jhana states. In non-Buddhist systems this is probably the best that can be hoped for, and it is not to be despised. Indeed, many people, especially in the West (and probably also, e.g., in modern Japan), are so disturbed that some such calming practice is almost essential, perhaps for a very long time.

But the other way, and the truly Buddhist way, which can lead right to the goal, is the way of Insight. The main scriptural basis for this is the Satipatthana Sutta.

The four foundations of mindfulness as set forth there are: mindfulness as to body, feelings, states of mind, and mind-contents. With reference to "states of mind," it is said: "He knows lustful mind and the mind that is free from lust. He knows how lust arises and how it ceases." This is not a manual of meditation, and it must suffice here just to indicate how by mindfulness one comes to discover how mental and physical phenomena arise and cease, and therefore, ultimately, how to bring about their cessation.

In this method, there is no forcing. Rigid suppression by an act of will is not required and will not anyway lead to the goal. When even quite intractable-seeming personal problems are fully seen in their true nature, they will dissolve. It may take time and much perseverance, but it is a way of gentleness, which does no violence to one's nature. Eventually, if steadfastly pursued, it can lead to the solution of all our problems, not only those connected with sex. Slowly and patiently, we can disentangle by mindfulness all the guilt feelings and other complications that may have developed. And we come to realize, probably to our surprise, that the seeing is the cure, when the seeing is deep enough.

Conclusion

Sex is a powerful force in us all. In itself it is neither "good" nor "bad." But it can certainly create problems. And modern Western man is particularly prone to such problems, partly because of the sheer hectic pace and pressure of modern life, which exaggerates all our troubles, and more specifically because of his background. A puritanical Church tradition (one extreme) has now been vigorously challenged by a secular spirit of permissiveness (the other extreme). For many people it is not at all easy to find the middle way between these two extremes.