Is My Marriage Doomed?

But what I'm wondering about you, Mrs. Wrong, is what your individual goals and big picture aspirations are.  You say you "always pictured yourself getting a full education and having a career."  You say you're a "very independent person." Please, please, please tell me you didn't abandon your education and career plans just because you got hitched.  Because it sounds to me like you need to grab hold of some goals and aspirations that have nothing to do with your marriage.  And, no, I'm not talking about buying a house, a piano, a computer, or anything else to furnish the standard-issue immaculate domestic fantasy life you see in all those pretty Crate and Barrel catalogs.  I'm talking about some oversized, change-the-world, rock-the-bells goals and aspirations.

And you must do this as if your marriage depends upon it, because it may.

I'm not telling you not to trust your instincts.  At this point, for example, I think you should trust your gut and hold off on having kids.  But if there are no evident problems in your marriage and the best that nagging voice in the "deep dark space" inside your head can come up with is telling you that you've done it all wrong, try tuning into the bright, fearless voices that tell you exactly how to take hold of your future.  Identify some role models.  Do some research.  Pray for guidance.  Imagine the woman you want to be at 65 years old.

And when you've come up with some goals and aspirations, sit down with your husband, and share your plans with him.  As you do, you will discover exactly what your marriage is made of.

Readers, it's your turn.  What words of wisdom do you have for Mrs. Wrong?

11/10/2010 5:00:00 AM
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