Finding Your Courage

One day, the class got so out of control that she was literally screaming instructions into a sea of noise. All her fears seemed to rise up at the same time. Fear of inadequacy, the physical fear of violence, but especially fear of losing control, of having to reveal her complete inability to cope with the situation.

She felt paralyzed. For nearly five minutes she stood silently, looking at the chaotic scene around her. Finally, she began to ask internally, "What should I do?" Nothing arose. Then, it was as if time stopped. She heard a sound forming at the back of her mouth. She opened her mouth, and "Ahhhhhh" began to come out. She heard her voice getting louder and louder, until it was first an undertone, and then an overtone in the room. The girls began looking around for the source of the sound. Then she heard herself say, "Stop. Listen. Hear the echo of your own voices."

She said that as she spoke, for just a moment, she could feel herself standing in the heart of the universe. Nothing was outside her.

The girls stopped. They listened. Then, in tones of wonder, they began to share what they'd heard. Silence in between sounds. The sound of om. A bell-like ringing. A sound like the beating of a heart.

It wasn't the last time this young woman lost control of her class. But by stopping and stepping into the unknown, she had somehow made contact with her own source, with inspiration. And, in connecting to her self, she'd connected with the girls in her class. She says she has never doubted since that if she will stop, turn inside, and wait, that a solution will present itself.

I believe that this state is what the Zen masters are talking about when they speak of dying into the ground of being. A text of tantra called the Stanzas on Vibration says in a famous verse that the heart of the universe, the pulsation of divine power, is fully present in moments of terror, intense anger, or absolute impasse, "while wondering what to do." The secret of discovering that power is to turn inward, toward the center of your fear or confusion, to let go of your thoughts and emotions about the situation, and allow the energy at the heart expand. That's where superhuman strength comes from.

It just takes courage.