Eucharistic Blasphemy

There is a prayer said by the Roman Catholic priest before he receives the Holy Eucharist, the Flesh and Blood of Jesus Christ, usually muttered so quietly that the congregation cannot hear. I'll give you the version from the New Translation, because its awesome, you're awesome, and thus you and the New Translation are going to get along dandily: "May receiving your Body and Blood, Lord Jesus Christ, not bring me to judgment and condemnation, but through your love and mercy let it be my p … [Read more...]

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The Atheist’s Self Help Blog or How To Save an Ideology While Getting Girls To Like You! Part II Being – Practice What Ye Preacheth

Its an assumption we might as well take for fact, that if one were to see a man preaching his foolproof method of avoiding alcoholism while proceeding to get entirely trashed, one would assume something wrong with the method, and certainly something wrong with the man. That much would be an easy reaction. The exceedingly difficult - if not impossible - reaction would be to ignore the incongruity of the drunken man, and to follow his method of abstinence. (Actually, it's just plain difficult to … [Read more...]

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Distraction By Cuteness

Perhaps this is a distraction unique to the solemnly-stodgy liturgical denominations, those in the odd habit of sitting in pews and looking forwards. I mean, of course, Distraction By Baby. There you are, happily staring down the liturgy, when over the shoulder in front of you rises a cherubic glitter of eyes and cheeks, some gurgle of joy or hunger - who knows which is which - and you are left with a conundrum. Baby or God?But of course, such a distraction is never really a distraction, and … [Read more...]

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The Glory of Being Shut Up

"Christ prophesied the whole of Gothic architecture in that hour when nervous and respectable people (such people as now object to barrel organs) objected to the shouting of the gutter-snipes of Jerusalem. He said, "If these were silent, the very stones would cry out." Under the impulse of His spirit arose like a clamorous chorus the facades of the mediaeval cathedrals, thronged with shouting faces and open mouths. The prophecy has fulfilled itself: the very stones cry out." G. K. C.We … [Read more...]

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Real Confession

Confession is the best. I am absolutely convinced of this fact because the sacrament is one of the few Catholic Things that atheists, agnostics, and members of other religions will get - at worst - only mildly annoyed about and - at best and most usually - wishful, dreamy and sentimental about. Honestly, the number of atheists and agnostics I talk to who deny the remotest possibility of a relationship with God and then ask, in a somewhat timid, casual tone, "Can people who aren't Catholic go to … [Read more...]

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The Atheist’s Self-Help Blog or How – With a Little Remodeling – You Can Prevent Your Views From Being Laughed At All The Time, Part I Being The Obtaining of Women

Get some girls. I understand the joy of having a Boy's Club, I really do, but the lack of beauty at your conferences is seriously limiting. It might seem like a trifle, having women on your side, but you must realize - dear atheism - that the world will never go where women aren't. Women are awesome. Think back to your high-school days, remember those invitations to parties or hang-outs or study groups, and remember the only thing on that really mattered: "Will there be any girls there?" This … [Read more...]

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5 Ways Opening the Door for Women Can Go Terribly Wrong

The young Catholic man is taught - perhaps even more than most - to open doors for women. His mother demands this of him, knowing that chivalry is a wonderful virtue to practice. His father demands the same, knowing that his son is going to need all the help he can get to attract women, wondering only vaguely what happened to all his family's good-looking genes. This all goes to prove the point that virtue is at once desirable and practical. It offers both heavenly and earthly reward. This fact … [Read more...]

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Serial Killers Are Boring

Our world is in the pitifully awkward position of informing us that our gravest sins are not sinful at all, while damning the most modest and the most innocent of our vices. Thus we have it that abortion and euthanasia are in and with-it, masturbation is healthy, pornography is good for your marriage, sodomy is an old-fashioned, oppressive term...and it is illegal to smoke in a bar. (I mean, my dear man! We do have standards, you know.)  The daring and exciting - Kinky Sex OMG! - is toted as norm … [Read more...]

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Like, Relativism, You Know?

Our language is wedded to our culture, in sickness or in health, for better or for worse, till death or illiteracy do them apart. If this is not readily apparent, think about our curses. Back when we had a faith, curses were fabulously blasphemous. ‘Sblood' (Christ's blood), or 'swounds' (Christ's wounds) come immediately to mind when considering the old vulgarities of the English language. Unfortunately for us, when the religious fervour of our culture faded, these marvelous words faded with it … [Read more...]

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Contraception Uber Alles!

I received this message from a friend last night. I'd been following the issue, but had no idea that it was so immediate, and so I apologize for not tackling it sooner. For all practical purposes, Our Dear Government is telling Catholic health institutions that they must support contraceptive/sterilization use or cease to exist. Alternatively, they could serve and employ solely Catholics, which, from every angle you look at it, is an entirely whack compromise. (Sorry, cancer-patient at St. … [Read more...]

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