After spending this week in Edinburgh, Scotland in a dumpy Travelodge room passing around a horrendous stomach virus with my kids while my husband goes to the National Archives, I have been thinking that we should start a merit badge system for moms. My brother is an Eagle Scout; here are some badge categories for all you Eagle Moms.
1. Medic: for singlehandedly taking care of vomiting children and controlling destructive toddlers while our own innards are being thrashed
2. Chef: for preparing healthy meals on a budget to suit the tastes of many family members, all in 20 minutes time, while simultaneously nursing babies, managing toddlers, coaching exuberant preschoolers through a craft activities, and playing dress-up with little ladies
3. Athletics: Tex elaborated on this one a couple of years ago
4. Labor and Delivery: self-explanatory
5. Automotive Maintenance: diagnosing many vehicular problems just by listening to the car, as well as knowing exactly how to deal with mechanics; that is, going cold cosmopolitan mom with the sneering, lecherous ones and playing helpless damsel in distress with the Mr. Awesomes; then, no matter what, turning on them at the end to negotiate the price downward. Surprise.6. Backpacking: packing a diaper bag in 3 minutes flat that will supply, for one full day, the needs of several children relating to nourishment, hydration, incontinence, and soothing
7. Citizenship: raising the next generation, and raising them to put others before themselves, even though having your first of many babies at age 24 isn’t exactly in vogue
8. Emergency Preparedness: spending anywhere between 20% and 80% of the day (depending on the season) in emergency mode; our guardian angels deserve this merit badge, but since they are incorporeal, we can wear it with pride
9. Personal Hygiene: doing the hygiene basics and usually finding time to put on makeup and earrings. Our self-esteem, our husband’s gazes, and our childrens’ compliments are worth it.
10. Wilderness Survival: also known as The Family Vacation
Any others to add?