Due to my interest in time travel, I occasionally get sent news tidbits sent to me by well-meaning time travellers. I don’t share any of them that might actually change the course of history in some paradoxical way, but I don’t think there’s too much danger with this interesting item from thirty years from now, which seems particularly relevant today…

Article from October 31, 2039:
Pat Robertson Blamed For Surge in Christian Obesity

Although the days are gone when Pat Robertson was a household name, his legacy is still with us. Today marks 30 years to the day when he and his associates revealed to the world a Satanic conspiracy to influence children by having witches strategically planted in candy factories around the world. Apparently covens instructed such witches to pray over the candy, particularly Halloween candy, asking their dark lord to make it particularly succulent and addictive – and perhaps also to lead children who eat it to abandon Christianity or, worse still, join a rock and roll band.

In conjunction with this revelation, Robertson issued a challenge to his prayer warriors to not simply pray but act. More specifically, Robertson challenged Christian men and women of prayer to seek employment in candy factories themselves, and pray that children who eat the candy will not be led astray from the true path of faith, and also that they might find hymns and organ music strangely appealing.

Unfortunately, Robertson neglected to advise them to pray that the candy become foul-tasting, unappealing and devoid of calories.

In the three decades since Robertson issued his challenge, more and more Christians have answered the call. And as the number of such ‘candy prayer warriors’ has grown in size, the size of the candy prayer warriors has increased as well.

“We just wanted to save kids from the evil influences of Halloween,” said Candi Waistbund (featured in the photo on the right), whom we interviewed after her recent liposuction. “I never stopped to ask myself if I was strong enough to resist the temptations that Satan always throws at any true prayer warrior.”

Security footage obtained from the candy factory where McDonald was employed suggests that she threw herself at the candy, rather than vice versa.

In an attempt to counter this trend toward conservative Christian obesity, Robertson’s organization, now run by the 375 lb Edie Snickers, has challenged all true prayer warriors to abandon candy factories, which Snickers says have successfully been won for the Lord, and turn their attention to gyms, where apparently witches have lately been focusing their efforts, praying over exercise machines in the hope that people will become thin and healthy, and thus less likely to accept invitations to attend church that come from their obese, candy-factory-employed Christian neighbors.

The blog Letters From Kamp Krusty shared a Christian T-shirt which, even though I think the first phrase also deserved to be problematized, nevertheless represents an improvement over the simplistic slogan on which it was based. The image of the text on the t-shirt was too large to reproduce here, so head over there and take a look!

It’s All Hallows’ Eve - or, in the more popular shorthand version, Halloween. It is a wonderful Christian holiday, albeit one that is based on a view of the world and specific beliefs that many Christians today can no longer share – and so really little different from Christmas or Easter, when you think about it. If nothing else, it is obvious that the story of “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown” gives us plenty of opportunity to reflect on the encounter between religious beliefs and the harsh realities of real-life pumpkin patches.

Nowadays, Halloween is usually celebrated by intentionally scaring oneself and one’s friends. And so it seems clear that Christians like these, rather than being opposed to Halloween, are really just joining in the fun.

Jim West has shared a picture of a Jack O’Lantern that illustrates what happens if you overdo it with the Halloween candy. And Kevin Scull has opened himself to being scared on Halloween by inviting last-minute submissions to the Biblical Studies Carnival he’s hosting.

Finally, as a sign of the economic times, it is worth noting that one of the top search results for “All Hallows Eve” is a game in which you hunt and kill zombies – and then sell their bodies for money.

One classic of progressive rock is Emerson, Lake and Palmer’s Karn Evil 9 First Impression Part Two. Progressive rock is known for its long songs, and this one is no exception – and it has a long, multi-part title as well. But I doubt there’s anyone who has never heard this part of it:

Other parts are more impressive and more difficult works for keyboard (and there is a great resource called The Piano Bench with transcriptions of the music to many ELP classics, for those who may want to learn some of them).

What I’d really like to know is whether anyone has advice on keyboard/synthesizer/arpeggiator settings for the famous opening sound of this part of the song. I don’t think I’m likely to use it in church as an introduction to a song, but I still think it would be a fun sound to be able to replicate. Any suggestions are greatly appreciated!

I also want to recommend ELP as a bridge for people who like rock but never listen to classical or who like classical music but never listen to rock. While classical elements are standard in progressive rock, I don’t know of any other band where the two genres overlap and coexist to quite the same extent as they do with Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Two classic examples to illustrate:

Jeremy at Free Old Testament Audio Blog shared this video of Regina Spektor singing her song “Laughing With”:

I had never heard the song before, but agree with Jeremy, who wrote that “This is probably one of the best, most thought provoking songs I’ve heard in a very long time. It reflects the human heart’s need and longing for God, but also the perversions that make God a joke to many people.” It seems to hit the balance just about right between God/religion as something that provides comfort and hope, and God/religion as something that seems deserving of mockery.

You can find the lyrics here. Read them – there are some you might miss when she’s singing fast. And thank you Jeremy for sharing this!