Breaking News: Jesus Christ Files Lawsuit Against GOP For Slander

The Freewood Post reports the following:

Jesus Christ filed a lawsuit today in the New York Supreme Court against the Republican National Committee for what he is calling “egregious misrepresentation of his statements and image.”

One of the attorneys representing Christ had this to say:

“For years Republicans have proclaimed their love for and loyalty to Jesus, yet their actions are highly contradictory to what Mr. Christ preached. Instead of helping the poor and the sick GOP instead punishes the poor and the sickly.

Our client isn’t telling the GOP what their agenda should be, he simply wants them to stop using his name when their actions contradict everything he stood for.

If the GOP would like to continue using his name they have to start making a significant effort to help the poor and the sick, instead of the rich, and start promoting a more peaceful agenda.”

When asked about the lawsuit, House Speaker John Boehner made the following remarks:

“Mr. Christ is entitled to his opinion, however the GOP believes that the underlying message in the Bible is that giving tax cuts to the wealthy is the true path to happiness.

I don’t know where Mr. Christ thinks the Bible says to help the poor and the sick, but that sounds awfully socialistic to me, and we are not a socialist country.”

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  • cipher

    You know, Professor, your God would have a lot more credibility if he showed up once in a while and did something along these lines – and by “once in a while”, I don’t mean once in 2,000 years.

    Instead, he seems to be content to allow people like this to speak for him.

  • Gary

    Oxford dictionary, “Socialism 1. political and economic theory of social organization advocating state ownership and control of the means of production, distribution, and exchange.” Socialism has nothing to do with providing a minimum level of food, health care, and housing for people with no means to provide for themselves. I like the post, since the Republicans do indeed view it as “socialism” (their definition)  to provide basic survival needs to the less fortunate, via taxing the more fortunate. If all the good church-going Republicans actually donated 10% of their income in tithing to their churches, and their churches provided the bare essentials of life to the poor, instead of building megachurch buildings, corporate jets (thinking of Oral Roberts), producing tapes and books to get more money from worshipers), maybe the government wouldn’t have to provide the safety-net to the poor. Of course, the Dems have the same problem, just they are not quite so faux pious in using God’s name in the process.

  • James F. McGrath

    @cipher:disqus , just out of curiosity, which God is “my God” that you are referring to? 

  • Anonymous

    Pick a God any God we have 100’s. You just think you have the right one ?