The Theology of the Body teaches us that the body has an innate self-donative meaning. That is; we are, literally, wired for love and connection, and that God’s plan for relationships can be discerned by prayerfully contemplating the bodies God gave us. Science is actually backing this claim up, and is giving us some important insights into what–given this mindset–is God’s intention not only for adult pair bonding (i.e., marriage and sex) but parent-child bonding as well. This line of thought has significant ramifications for important parenting questions like, “How do we get our babies to sleep!”
It is conventional wisdom that infant “sleep training” teaches babies to “self-soothe.” These are comforting ideas to tired moms and dads who are eager to be great parents and get a decent night’s sleep but what does it mean for a baby to “self-soothe” and is it even possible for infants to exhibit this skill
Proponents of self-soothing point to the fact that after several days of sleep training–which involves parents incrementally delaying their response to an infant’s night-time crying–the baby decreases the time crying and, eventually stops and goes back to sleep. This is what happens, and it has been assumed that the baby is able to return to sleep because of “self-soothing.” The problem is, until fairly recently, researcher never had a way to test the “self-soothing” hypothesis and that’s an important problem.
While, again, its a nice idea that would be lovely if true, infant self-soothing makes no sense from a developmental psych perspective. For anyone–you, me, any human being–to self-soothe, two skills are required; self-talk and intentional, conscious redirection. When you are upset, to get yourself back under control, you need to be able to 1) Talk yourself down (“Calm down, Greg. You can handle this. It’s going to be OK.”) and 2) You need to be able to intentionally direct yourself to engage in some self-soothing activity (e.g, make a plan to solve the problem, do something that reduces your stress, etc). The problem is that babies don’t have either of these skills. Children don’t develop any self-talk capacity until at least 4yo (usually later) and although babies do have some soothing rituals like thumb-sucking, it is not known how effective these strategies are. New research is showing that the answer is, “not very.”
Learned Helplessness and Physiological Stress
It turns out that after several days of sleep training the baby’s behavior and biology become un-hooked. The sleep-trained child does stop crying, but research shows that the child’s stress homone level remain as high as when he was crying. If the baby was actually self-soothing, the cortisol levels would decrease as the crying behavior decreased. But that isn’t what happens. Instead, the sleep-trained infant’s cortisol level remains high, but the help-seeking behavior stops. There is a disconnect between what the baby feels and how the baby acts. In animals, we call this disconnect between the physiological stress response (i.e., high cortisol levels) and behavior, “learned helplessness.”
Learned helplessness actually damages the human and animal brain’s ability to process stress and is an established risk factor for depression and anxiety disorders in later childhood and adulthood.
If we take the Theology of the Body’s claims seriously, that God’s intention for relationships is written into God’s design of our body, we need to listen to research that shows that sleep-training is antithetical to the donative meaning of the body. Genesis tells us that “it is not good for man to be alone.” Science confirms that this is true. Especially for infants.
UPDATE: Be sure to check out the comments, especially the exchanges I’ve had with “Terri” and Dr. Berchelmann, a pediatrician and instructor of pediatrics at St. Louis Children’s Hospital.
–For more information on how the principles of the Theology of the Body apply to parenting, check out Parenting with Grace: The Catholic Parent Guide to Raising (almost) Perfect Kids.