Believe it or not, I encounter this kind of behavior in marriage therapy all the time.
People seem to think that anger is the gift we give to other people, but it isn’t. Your anger is God’s gift to you, not anyone else. Anger is the emotional response to a perceived injustice. The healthy response to anger is to (1) identify the trigger for the anger (2) take a few moments to pray and think about a possible solution to the problem (3) only then approach your partner by leading with this solution instead of your emotions (e.g., “I know you needed to rotate the tires this weekend, but I really miss going to the lake. Can we look at the calendar and figure out a way to get both done?” VS. what you see on the video. ) Emotions like anger are suppose to draw your attention to the problem and challenge you to identify solutions. They are not for “motivating” other people to solve your problems for you.
In a CNN interview about this video, the husband stated that he tried to handle things between the two of them for over a year but the wife refused to go to marriage counseling with him–up to and including standing in the front door of the marriage counselor’s office and refusing to go in. (One more reason phone therapy is a great idea. It’s harder for your spouse to avoid it!
So, what do you think? Was the husband right or wrong? Would you ever do something like this? Post your comments below.
And incidentally, if your spouse is driving you CRAAAAAAAZZZZYYY, before you post your video to YouTube, give us a call (740-266-6461). The Pastoral Solutions Institute’s Catholic Tele-counseling Practice can help you heal your marriage.