Husband Posts Wife’s AMAZING Tantrum on YouTube

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Believe it or not, I encounter this kind of behavior in marriage therapy all the time.

People seem to think that anger is the gift we give to other people, but it isn’t.   Your anger is God’s gift to you, not anyone else.  Anger is the emotional response to a perceived injustice.  The healthy response to anger is to (1) identify the trigger for the anger (2) take a few moments to pray and think about a possible solution to the problem  (3) only then approach your partner by leading with this solution instead of your emotions (e.g., “I know you needed to rotate the tires this weekend, but I really miss going to the lake.  Can we look at the calendar and figure out a way to get both done?”  VS. what you see on the video. )   Emotions like anger are suppose to draw your attention to the problem and challenge you to identify solutions.  They are not for “motivating” other people to solve your problems for you.

In a CNN interview about this video, the husband stated that he tried to handle things between the two of them for over a year but the wife refused to go to marriage counseling with him–up to and including standing in the front door of the marriage counselor’s office and refusing to go in.    (One more reason phone therapy is a great idea.  It’s harder for your spouse to avoid it!  ;-)

So, what do you think?   Was the husband right or wrong?  Would you ever do something like this?  Post your comments below.

And incidentally, if your spouse is driving you CRAAAAAAAZZZZYYY, before you post your video to YouTube, give us a call (740-266-6461).  The Pastoral Solutions Institute’s Catholic Tele-counseling Practice can help you heal your marriage.

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About Dr. Greg

Dr. Gregory Popcak directs the Pastoral Solutions Institute, an organization dedicated to helping Catholics find faith-filled solutions to marriage, family, and personal problems. Together with his wife, Lisa, he hosts More2Life Radio. He is the author of over a dozen books integrating psychological insights with our Catholic faith. For more info about books, tele-counseling and other resources, visit www.CatholicCounselors.com.

  • Hopey

    No. I might record to give my therapist an idea of what I was talking about but not for the whole world to see. It would embarrass me. Even worse, it could make the spouse justified as I am sure many will root on the behavior.

    • wpedmonson

      I agree. If it’s used to repair or lead to a solution to deeper issues in the marriage, then record it. I don’t see what me watching this does to help their marriage at all.

  • TheodoreSeeber

    My wife doesn’t act like this, but my 10 year old special needs son, who has trouble communicating, does from time to time.

    My response is invariably “whiners don’t get what they want. EVER.” He’s learning, slowly, and I’m seeing the behavior less and less as time goes on.

    • Kathy

      You are in charge of your son’s life as he is a child…this is an adult married couple who presumably should have equal say and weight in things. I would bet that she is being controlled and treated like a child, and that’s wrong on his part.

  • http://www.parafool.com/ victor

    Yikes. I don’t care what your issues are, recording your spouse like that is a really d!ckish thing to do — particularly since he’s fuelling the fire by feeding her issues from their past so she freaks out on camera even more. In other words, a YouTube video of someone poking a beehive doesn’t so much reflect badly on the bees as it does the one doing the poking.

  • Robin Johnston

    Dear God….is she three years old? No? Then there’s no excuse to behave like that. Horrific.

  • Gilda Vincent

    He was a jerk for posting it. She was behaving badly. I feel sorry for her; she’s married to a jerk.

  • luran

    I understand the husband’s decision to post it, as he had decided it was the tipping point moving him to his “out of the relationship” decision. I can’t really say it was ok to post it (at least, from a christian point of view) but I am pretty sure its posting will definitely be a “no way back” into saving the relationship. I can only hope and pray its viral spread confronts the wife with her own anger management issues, and both can move forward. :(

  • Laura

    Probably not the smartest thing for the husband to post publicly, but not judging since he probably reached the end of the line in trying to get help.
    Should be shown though to a therapist. Is this rage from being out of control with entitlement attitude or is this rage from perhaps bipolar disorder?
    Whatever, the behavior of the wife is absolutely abusive and controlling, and to my understanding when a spouse encounters such behavior it’s best to seek individual therapy rather than family therapy as the problem is not one of interaction between spouses but a psychological and/or psychiatric problem with an individual that needs to be dealt with before family counseling can help. I believe that’s also the position of the Church, that when there is abuse present, people need individual therapy and treatment.

  • Rebecca Fuentes

    He shouldn’t have posted it for the public, though maybe if she watched it later, when she’s calm, it might put some things into perspective. And speaking of perspective, I just decided that my kids’ tantrums are NOTHING. Not compared to that one.

  • Sue from Buffalo

    No, I wouldn’t show the video publicly. He knew that he was video taping her and he was basically egging her on. Laughing at her. Not a good idea if you want to keep your marriage intact. Her behavior is horrible but then again…who knows what was going on behind the scenes. Not…good.

  • Charlene Bader

    While her response seems over the top, I found his attitude demeaning, proud, and manipulative. It’s hard to know what the situation is, but it would appear they had plans to spend the day together at the lake, and he decided to get his tires rotated. Could he not have gone into work early, taken care of the tire rotation during his lunch break, waited a week, or some it himself? His response is more restrained, but he’s demonstrating the same attitude for which he’s blaming his wife: being inflexible and determined to have his way.

    • Kathy

      I agree – this video does not show how this man has behaved or treated her for the many years before this. When someone is controlling and inflexible and selfish and constantly sets the other person up for disappointment and blames the other person, that other person eventually loses it. This man is very likely an awful, disrespectful human being. I bet you anything that if these two get divorced, in the next relationship she will feel relieved and he will be torturing someone else and wondering how he ended up with another “crazy” person.

      In his interview he says that he put it on youtube in case he loses his phone…c’mon. Email it to yourself. Put it on iCloud. Save it on your laptop. I bet you anything that is an empty excuse for his actual goal…malicious and intentional humiliation.

  • old_redneck

    The husband clearly is an asshole of the highest order.

    He could have offered a compromise but, instead, he laughed at her, made a video of her and posted it on YouTube.

    These are not the actions of someone who wants to work it out. Instead, his actions prove that he is manipulative and controlling. I suspect she had put up with his crap long enough and this rant is the end.

    She’s better off without this jackass.

  • oregon catholic

    Assuming this video is actually real and not something staged for YouTube….Both of these people are emotionally disturbed. She is immature and dependent in the extreme and he looks like he is sadistic and enjoys tormenting her. Why else would he be so amused at her torment and humiliate her publically? Perhaps he routinely makes promises and then renegs – when the inevitable tantrum follows then he can feel like the patient grown-up. Meanwhile, maybe she is too psychologically immature to understand why he makes her so crazy when he seems so ‘reasonable’ and calm and so has no strategy to deal with her frustration except to revert to being the baby he wants/needs her to be. This strikes me a co-dependent relationship from hell.


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