Self-compassion

June 15, 2012 By 10 Comments

 

“How can I learn to forgive myself?  should I?”

The more I live, the more I discover the importance of self-compassion.  I have been pondering this for the last year or so, and for me, it’s an ever-expanding field of inquiry.  There is a lot out there in the world of research as well as from the perspective of other faith traditions like Buddhism.  But what does the Christian faith have to say on this topic?  The journey has sparked several questions for me:

  • If the Bible says that God’s comfort (2 Cor 1:3-6)  is ever available to me in an unqualified way, why does it often feel so hard to access?
  • How can I forgive myself when I have hurt someone else?  Should I?
  • Why are the voices within me so brutal toward me?
  • Is there some part of me that believes that self-criticism is helpful?  Is it?
  • Can I extend compassion to others if I cannot do so for myself?
  • How do I change these long standing patterns?
  • How does the Christian faith see self-compassion?  What do we see in the stories of women in the Bible?
  • What role does perfectionism play in lack of self-compassion?
  • What is the cost of a lack of self-compassion?
  • How do guilt and shame play into lack of self-compassion?

My hope is to use Fridays to explore this topic with you. I hope you come along, adding your questions and insights!  Here are a few voices that I plan to include on the journey:

Brene Brown. Brene is a shame researcher from the University of Houston who talks about self-compassion being critical to our compassion for others.

Kristin Neff Kristin is a compassion researcher from the University of Texas. For a of self-compassion, listen to this watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Tyl6YXp1Y6Mwatch?feature=player_embedded&v=Tyl6YXp1Y6M.

You can also take a test to rate your self-compassion.

Join me next Friday and we will begin to explore self-compassion by looking at the stories of a few women in the Bible and the topic of self-compassion and authenticity.  In the meanwhile, please, add your questions to the journey.

 

 

Filed Under: Bible stories, forgive, self-compassion Tagged With: , , , , 10 Comments
  • Trisha

    We all understand that compassion is the natural and godly response to suffering. So where did we get the idea that that applies in every case except for our OWN suffering?!

    • http://janetdavisonline.com Janet Davis

      Crazy, isn’t it? Which is part of why this intrigues me so much… Thanks for adding your voice!

  • Lori Wenner

    Such an important topic for consideration, thank you Janet for helping me to identify those critical voices inside my head. I was recently told that in our self talk we should speak to ourselves as we speak to someone we love dearly. This has made a positive change in my inner communications and my overall peacefulness.

  • http://janetdavisonline.com Janet Davis

    What a great tip! Thanks, Lori, for adding your voice.

  • http://CultureOfEmpathy.com Edwin Rutsch

    I added your article to the
    Self-Empathy-Compassion Magazine
    http://bit.ly/lyuRyn

  • http://janetdavisonline.com Janet Davis

    Many thanks, Edwin! What a great resource!

  • Grandmother

    I just stumbled across your blog after googling “do christians practice self compassion”. I don’t remember that being a key feature of any teaching I’ve sat under in all my years of church attendance and my involvement in various ministries. And yet I’m bumping into it more and more now in things I read (Brene Brown has become a favorite of mine and I just discovered Kristin Neff’s guided meditations online the other day) in therapy, in the yoga class I recently started.

    And as my thinking is slowly changing, as I’m receiving compassion and slowly coming around to offering it to myself, I’m feeling differently toward other people. I’m feeling less critical of myself and more willing to face painful chapters of my life. It is past midnite, but I have been sitting here pondering these connections and realizing that I could probably even begin to truly forgive myself for the multitude of failures and shortcomings that haunt me – from that position of compassion.

    I wonder why Buddhism speaks to this so much more clearly? And why we Christians have been slow to see this and speak of it. And that was the reason for my google search! I’ve got your blog bookmarked and look forward to reading more.

    • http://janetdavisonline.com Janet Davis

      Grandmother,
      Like you, I am puzzled about why Christianity has so neglected this teaching… and yet, it was so lived by Jesus in his relationships with others. I look forward to more conversation about this as the weeks progress. Thanks for taking the time to add you voice and your questions.

  • http://www.pastorpilgrim.wordpress.com Pastor Pilgrim

    Great article Janet! I have not thought much about self-compassion, but perhaps in Christianity, we often spend so much time on the doctrine of salvation( sin and atonement), that we often forget the two greatest commandments to love God and to love neighbor (including ourselves).

    If we envisioned God as Compassionate Creator instead of as “Judge” who needs to be appeased, maybe we could begin to understand that we carry divinity within ourselves as temples of the Spirit. Our view of God, the universe, creation, death, and resurrection deeply affects how we view ourselves.

    So thanks for the good reminder, to be more compassionate to ourselves.

    • http://janetdavisonline.com Janet Davis

      I wonder if in part we have not balanced in the feminine/Compassionate Creator wisdom. Interestingly, in Matthew 5, when Jesus defines the perfect of God’s love, he uses the sun and rain, elements of creation, to speak to God’s all inclusive expression of love on the good and the evil, the just and the unjust.