Hebrews 12:3-13 How a Father Disciples His Children

Hebrews 12:3-13 How a Father Disciples His Children

Hebrews 12:3-13 How a Father Disciples His Children is a sermon based on a devotional.

In The Grace Awakening, Charles Swindoll writes:

I vividly remember my last spanking. It was on my thirteenth birthday, as a matter of fact. Having just broken into the sophisticated ranks of the teen world, I thought I was something on a stick. My father wasn’t nearly as impressed as I was with my great importance and new-found independence.

I was lying on my bed. He was outside the window on a muggy October afternoon in Houston, weeding the garden. He said, “Charles, come out and help me weed the garden.” I said something like: “No … it’s my birthday, remember?” My tone was sassy and my deliberate lack of respect was eloquent. I knew better than to disobey my dad, but after all, I was the ripe old age of thirteen. He set a new 100-meter record that autumn afternoon. He was in the house and all over me like white on rice, spanking me all the way out to the garden. As I recall, I weeded until the moonlight was shining on the pansies.

That same night he took me out to a surprise dinner. He gave me what I deserved earlier. Later he gave me what I did not deserve. The birthday dinner was grace.1

Today is Father’s Day. I want to share with you how a father disciples his children. In this passage, we have three different groups of people today. I want to speak to fathers, children, and followers of Christ. First, let me speak to fathers this morning.

FATHERS (Hebrews 12:7-11)

I have entitled this sermon “How a Father Disciples His Children.” I say disciples and not disciplines because disciplining your children is only part of discipling them. Like the story from Chuck Swindoll, I realize that many people here have thought of their fathers as only disciplinarians – men who corrected you when you did wrong. One may look at this passage in Hebrews and you may think that discipline is the only role that a father plays in the life of a family. We think of discipline and we think of correction. When you look at this verse, that the first thing you might think:

“Endure suffering as discipline: God is dealing with you as sons. For what son is there that a father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline—which all receive —then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Furthermore, we had natural fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live?” (Hebrews 12:7–9, HCSB)

The discipline that a father gives is based on his faith. The word discipline here is where we get our modern word “pedagogy” which is the science of teaching. It literally means to train. So when you see the word “discipline” in these verses, you can replace them with teaching. A Christian father disciples his children in the ways of God. It will include teaching them right and wrong.

In reality, the father takes a leadership role in discipling the family. This is what he is expected to do. One can look at Psalm 78 and see how this happens. For example:

“I will declare wise sayings; I will speak mysteries from the past — things we have heard and known and that our fathers have passed down to us. We must not hide them from their children, but must tell a future generation the praises of the Lord, His might, and the wonderful works He has performed. He established a testimony in Jacob and set up a law in Israel, which He commanded our fathers to teach to their children so that a future generation— children yet to be born—might know. They were to rise and tell their children so that they might put their confidence in God and not forget God’s works, but keep His commands. Then they would not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not loyal and whose spirit was not faithful to God.” (Psalm 78:2–8, HCSB)

This is a beautiful psalm that shares God’s intent for the family and for each generation to pass on their faith to the next. So, not only did He say that faith was the primary thing that He would expect from us someday, but He also set up an infrastructure that He envisioned would be best for this type of replication: the family. 2

Compare this with the responsibility in Hebrews:

“For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our benefit so that we can share His holiness. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:10–11, HCSB)

Why does a father teach the children with the Bible?

“All Scripture is inspired by God and is profitable for teaching, for rebuking, for correcting, for training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.” (2 Timothy 3:16–17, HCSB)

Because the Bible points out how to be the “man of God” or “woman of God.” Francis and Lisa Chan states the following about raising kids in church today in their book You and Me Forever:

Statistics show that the vast majority of kids who grow up in these nice, comfortable, church-going homes where family is idolized walk away from the church once they turn eighteen, never to return. In many of these cases, the kids love their parents, but don’t love Jesus.

Here’s a question every parent should be asking: What will break my heart more? If my kids don’t end up loving me? Or if they don’t end up loving Jesus? Seriously contemplate that question.

What’s nice is that if your kids truly love Jesus, they will truly love you. It’s guaranteed. I have yet to find a person who loves Jesus who is not deeply grateful for parents who “truly lived it out.” Not only that, but those who love Jesus obey his commands (John 14:15), and Jesus commands us to love the people around us deeply (Mark 12:28–31, 1 John 4:19–21).

In addition to being a godly example, God asks us to be the ones who teach our children about Him. Sadly, most parents neglect this responsibility and assume their Sunday school teachers and youth group leaders have this covered. While it’s wonderful to have additional support, it doesn’t change the fact that God commands parents to teach their children to love God and His commands (Deuteronomy 6:4–8).3

I was blessed to be raised by Godly parents. I was blessed to be raised by a dad who loved me and took the time to care for me, show the Scriptures, give me the instruction that was needed so that I may live the life that God wanted for me. Thank you, Dad!

Dads, have you talked to your children about your spiritual raising? It’s nice to know if you were raised you in a Godly home, sharing the Scriptures, teaching you to know right from wrong, the love of Jesus and following God’s Word. But even if you didn’t, you still have something to teach your children today. Dads, God expects you to disciple yourself. It’s more than correcting them when they are wrong. It’s also helping to teach them what is right. Next, let me speak to the children.

CHILDREN (Hebrews 12:9-11)

The writer of Hebrews makes the case that we were disciplined by our earthly fathers. We didn’t like it. But we know that it produced three qualities:

“Furthermore, we had natural fathers discipline us, and we respected them. Shouldn’t we submit even more to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time based on what seemed good to them, but He does it for our benefit, so that we can share His holiness. No discipline seems enjoyable at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it yields the fruit of peace and righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” (Hebrews 12:9–11, HCSB)

Let me qualify the word discipline or training. In today’s context, we think of discipline as punishment. Sometimes that is necessary. When a child, they need to learn that there are punishing consequences. At the same time, discipline teaches responsibility. If I get up, go to work, and get paid, I learn the discipline that comes with being on time, working hard, and getting an honest wage for honest work. The payment is the result of discipline. It’s training. So there can be positive reward built into the responsibility. Discipline can be seen as two sides of the same coin: both negative and positive.

The most commendable earthly discipline modifies behavior and shapes us to be responsible citizens.4 The Bible teaches that a child learns three lessons from Godly discipline or training from their earthly father.

THREE LESSONS THAT CHILDREN LEARN FROM GODLY DISCIPLINE

1. Respect

First, a child learns respect. Kids may not be respectful when they receive discipline. Yet, they will learn to respect because of the discipline. A parent that doesn’t discipline their child is teaching the child to learn disrespect them. Dads, your children are your children – not your best buddies. They have to learn respect and the first person they learn it from is you. Children, you will learn to respect your parents, even if you disagree with them. Respect is a necessary value that we need to have for other people. Wives are to show that respect to their husbands and children are to show that respect to their fathers.

2. Peace

Second, Godly discipline or training leads to peace. Unruly kids will become calmer children and lead more peaceful lives when there is discipline. Structured learning will teach the child to live peacefully.

3. Righteousness

Third, Godly discipline or training leads to righteousness. This means that a person will learn God’s ways.

Notice, that the fruit of discipline is respect. Notice also that peace and righteousness themselves also produce fruit. Remember that Jesus said that you can tell a tree by the fruit it produces? You can how a father trains a child by the way it lives as an adult. You don’t notice what the tree produces as the tree grows. Trees take time to grow. It may be years before you see the fruit. The same is true with raising children. You spend twenty years raising a child and it makes that much time or more to see fruit from your labor.

That is the reason the proverb says:

“Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6, HCSB)

The New Living Translation says the meaning better:

“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it.” (Proverbs 22:6, NLT)

The verse doesn’t mean that you train up a child and when they are old people they will not leave it. It means that when you train up a child and they leave your home and go on their own, they will not leave what you taught them behind. So children, learn from your dads. Take their instruction to heart. Finally, I want to speak to all of us about being God’s children.

GOD’S CHILDREN (Hebrews 12:3-8, 12:12-13)

Do you remember how your father disciplined you? Was it out of love? Did it feel loving? I can remember that my father taught me (instructed me as good discipline) and then corrected me (painful discipline). His role was to teach me how to be a better contributing person in society.

The same is true with God. He wants to take me from being a sinner to being a servant. We all struggle with sin (Hebrews 12:3-4). God’s role as our Heavenly Father is to teach us not to sin through correction (Hebrews 12:5-8). If you don’t endure God’s discipline – if you reject it – you are saying you don’t want to be one of God’s children (Hebrews 12:8).

The writer of Hebrews compares God’s discipline to a natural father’s discipline and says that we respected that form of discipline (Hebrews 12:9-10). If we endured that and still respected our natural fathers, then we should be willing to endure God’s discipline and still respect Him.

Discipline is not enjoyable but it yields results (Hebrews 12:11). Then the writer concludes with an illustration from physical exercise. Spiritual exercise is like physical exercise – it strengthens us. So discipline is not punishment but exercise. An exercise in respect and in obedience (Hebrews 12:12-13).5

At times we may achieve outward conformity, but only God reaches the heart and causes it to trust something other than itself.6

The writer of Hebrews explained that just because we’re God’s children doesn’t mean we can get away with wrongdoing. Just as earthly parents discipline their children out of love, God disciplines us for our own good. “Shouldn’t we place ourselves under the authority of God, the father of spirits, so that we will live?” Nobody enjoys being disciplined, because it seems painful at the time. But later on we can look back and appreciate how the discipline trained us to do the right thing.

One way our heavenly Father shows his love for us is by correcting and training us to live a godly life. He may use our circumstances to teach us lessons or send other believers to confront us with some truth that we need to hear. We may experience a relentless nagging in our spirit that doesn’t let up until we repent of a sin. Or God may temporarily remove a sense of his presence.

When we’re under God’s discipline, our best response is to ask what he wants to teach us. Becoming angry or resentful, or denying that we deserve the correction, only prolongs the pain. It’s easier to have a submissive attitude by remembering that God’s discipline proves we’re his child, and he loves us too much to let us get away with something. Endure your discipline. God corrects you as a father corrects his children.7

We endure discipline, even if it hurts because in the end it will result in the best results.

In the 1994 Winter Olympics held in Norway, twenty-three-year-old skier Tommy Moe of the United States captured the gold on the men’s downhill. It marked a big comeback for Tommy.

He had shown great potential for years but according to Sports Illustrated, had a penchant for smoking pot and drinking. In 1986 as a fifteen year old, he was invited to be a part of the U.S. ski team, but when the coaches learned that he had sneaked out of camp to smoke pot, they kicked him off the team.

Tommy’s father, an Alaskan construction worker, decided his son needed some discipline and he ordered him to come to Alaska. There he put Tommy to work.

Tommy was on the job at 4 a.m. and he labored under the Alaskan sun for twelve to sixteen hours a day during the long days of Arctic summer. “I worked his rear end off,” says Tom Sr. “And then I asked him if he’d rather be doing this or if he’d rather be skiing with the team in Argentina. That straightened him out.”

Tommy recalls, “It was mental torture, bad news. It humbled me up pretty fast.”

He got serious about ski racing pretty quickly.

Fathers know that children sometimes need discipline and that discipline is hard. But it yields big results.8