Mormon: The New Shibboleth

Here’s hoping Lindsey releases a new, revised video: I’m a member of Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, a songwriter, and a violinist. See? Rolls right off the tongue.

In case you haven’t heard yet, on Thursday President Nelson made good on something he’s probably wanted to do for ages: despite a decade of reclaiming the term “Mormon” with the “I’m a Mormon” campaign, official urls (Mormonnewsroom.org, mormon.org, mormonandgay.org), etc., we members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints are no longer to refer to ourselves as “Mormon.” We also are not to say “The Mormon Church” or “The LDS Church,” though someone forgot to tell the News Room formerly known as Mormon.   Or is that newsroom for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints just an extension of Deseret News, which is itself an extension of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?

I’m sure all the official “I’m a Mormon” videos will disappear from youtube pronto. Everyone knows how easy it is to erase content from the internet and remove the key term from your organization’s official URL’s. Easy peasy! I also look forward to the armies of missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints who will retrace their recent  steps and fix all the “I’m a Mormon” pass along cards they recently handed out with snappy “I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” stickers.

But I digress.

Within a couple hours of the announcement, some members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints had taken to the holiest of work that any member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints can perform: denouncing other members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for not taking to their accurate name of “Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints” as readily as a truly devout member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints should.

“These are the words of the Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints!” these truly devout members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints explained to less-devout, potentially-apostate members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “The Prophet has been called to lead The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in these latter days, when many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints will fall away, having succumbed to the World and those who oppose the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” They then continued, in one voice, “The words of The Prophet of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints come directly from God, who is at the head of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and it’s up to us as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints to obey the President The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.”

Surely, in the days that come, the wheat will be sifted from the chaff.