“Top 10 Things to Rama-Don’t”: Maria Jan

Top 10 Things to Rama-don’t by Maria Jan

This Ramadan Muslims are flocking to local grocery stores gathering items for nightly feasts that rival anyone’s modest Thanksgiving. Being that many of your friends and neighbors might not know the proper etiquette – below I have attached a brief set of guidelines which can be distributed to set individuals ensuring a smooth and calm process for all.

10. Hamburger…?

9. We still love you, and that will be more evident post-feast.

8. Most of your friends will be thinking about food and won’t be paying close attention to your stories. Please forgive them if they answer your questions with a glazed look while mouthing the word “Hamburger…?” as if that was the answer to your question.

7. Not all of your Muslim friends ‘enjoy’ Ramadan.

6. Muslim-y is not a word, stop referring to Ramadan being one of those Muslim-y things. It’s not that it’s offensive, it’s that adding a ‘y’ at the end of something doesn’t make it a real word.

5. Refrain from asking obvious questions such as “Aren’t you hungry yet?”

4. No, your Muslim friend will not watch Iron Chef with you, but that has nothing to do with Ramadan, it’s just that the show is so 2003.

3. Your Muslim friend will be more lethargic than usual, walk slower and don’t worry, this too shall pass.

2. Remember Ramadan is not Lent, your Muslim friend has given up more than just chocolate.

1. Refrain from teasing your Muslim friend with food no matter how much you believe that you are testing their reserve. They might smack the be-jeezus out of you.