A Conservative View On The Conservative Bible Project

I came across this and thought I’d share it. Even those who consider themselves conservative find the Conservative Bible Project problematic in more ways than one. Here’s what the blog “Beside The Point” had to say, which includes some humorous suggestions on how the Bible might be made more conservative – and more American:

Okay, sometimes I’ve jumped a little too quickly on a story, but I can’t find any source yet that thinks this is parody.

Apparently, Andy Schafly, the son of the Roman Catholic conservative icon Phyllis Schafly and head of Conservapedia, has started a project called, the Conservative Bible Project. Apparently he and others have had enough of the parts of the Bible (particularly in the NIV) that sound liberal, like the story of the woman caught in adultery in John 8.

This is apparently a new development, but here (and here) is some commentary on the blogosphere.

Thoughts? Does anyone know for sure whether this is a serious effort?

As for me, I think I can say that I’m about as conservative as any reader here, but this makes me want to gag.

Let’s see. In the “Conservative Bible,” let’s have

*Jesus refusing to pay taxes, and sends a dead fish instead.
*Jesus rebukes the other 10 disciples for not asking to call fire down from Heaven like James and John.
*Jesus takes out the temple servant to finish the job Peter started.
*The apostles begin an armed militia to defend against persecution.
*The widow of Stephen uses the Alliance Defense Fund.
*Peter run out of town by other Christians for not being patriotic enough when Rome overthrows Jerusalem in AD 70.
*Paul launches a Christian CIA (“Christians in Action”). They only lie when led to do so by the Holy Spirit.
*The apostles develop a color code for persecution.
*The Israeli flag is prominently displayed in the place of highest honor in all Christian gatherings, until Agabus gets a revelation of using red, white and blue.
*Saul changes his name to Revere, Paul.
*John, on the isle of Patmos, receives a revelation that a day like today would come and encourages everyone in a letter to give up.

Any other ideas for a truly “conservative Bible?”

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  • stephen

    When teaching a crowd, Jesus gathers the small amount of food there and eats it himself to teach people a lesson about personal responsibility.

  • After the crucifixion, Jesus puts on a red bandanna, Peter: But I'm your friend Jesus! I was there with you knee-deep in all that blood and guts. I covered your ass more than once. Seems like baling you out of trouble's got to be a life-time achievement for me.Rambo, er, Jesus: There wouldn't be no trouble except for that king s*** cop! All I wanted was something to eat. But the man kept pushing Sir.Peter: Well you did some pushing on your own Jesus.Jesus: They drew first blood, not me.Peter: Look Jesus, let me come in and get you the hell out of there!Jesus: They drew first blood…

  • I think conservatives have to just deal with it… at his first coming, Jesus was a liberal. But when he comes again, he will definitely be a conservative.

  • I read quite a bit of the translation and honestly if this is not a hoax then it is a laughable attempt at a translation. They are translating the KJV to conservative? thats like making a copy of a copy… you lose most of the meaning in the first translation already! and some of the translating is at best high school level. without any clear standards of translation for common phrases, its just some guys re-writing the bible to justify their agenda…