If God Had Spoken To Moses As Creationists Wish He Had

Brian LePort shared a brilliant comment someone left on the Reclaiming the Mind blog on a post about evolution. I thought I should share it, tweaking it slightly to improve the punctuation, and expanding it to show how it relates not only to the interests of scientists but also (perhaps even more so) to others such as young-earth creationists. Here it is:

God: “Now Mo, I want you to pass on the following information to the uneducated, polytheistic Hebrew slaves, OK? It will be relatively easy to convince them that I am the Lord their God, the only true God. The real challenge will be to get them to pass down precisely accurately what I am going to tell you now, since it won’t make any sense to them. Right, so, here we go: In the beginning, about six billion years ago, was an infinite singularity. In it was all the matter in the universe, see?”

Moses: “What’s a universe?”

God: “OK, right now Moses, I’m trying to work with you here. Even if you don’t understand, just write this down. Thousands of years from now some people called scientists will ask this question and it is important that the answer will have been written down by you in advance, OK? And there will also be folks called creationists who will say that the Scriptures you wrote must, if they are to be true in any sense, be absolutely accurate in every detail, including on matters of science…”

Moses: “What’s science?”

God: “I can’t go into that now. It’s too complicated. So where were we? Right, this infinite singularity exploded and…”

Moses: “What’s a singularity? And what does exploded mean?”

God: “Moses, son of Amram! Please listen! Please don’t interrupt and try not to ask endless questions, just write! OK?”

Moses: “Yeah, sorry. Errm, OK.”

God: “So this infinite singularity exploded, and withing a few billionths of a second, the groundwork for the laws of physics started to be laid down as all this matter expanded at a speed near that of light, see? As the matter cooled down, subatomic elementary particles started to form such as quarks and gauge bosons.”

Moses: “God?”

God: “Yesss, what is it now?”

Moses: “Is there a simpler version?”

God: “Sigh. Yes. In the beginning I created the heavens and the earth…”

I found the original story amusing, but also thought it made a good point about why what young-earth creationists and many others expect the early chapters of Genesis to contain is unrealistic. I hope you enjoy my own take on it.

Let me end with a joke even so, courtesy of Doug Chaplin:

A Higgs boson goes into a Catholic church. The priest says, “Sorry, no Higgs bosons are allowed in here.” The boson says: “But how will you have Mass without me?”


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  • Cliff Martin

    Reminds me of a piece often attributed to Isaac Asimov (though I don’t think he actually wrote it) describing a conversation between Aaron and Moses …

    • EarBucket

      Cliff, I’m almost certain I remember reading that story in an Asimov anthology as a kid. The riff on the cost of papyrus and the amount it would take to write down the entire history of the universe sounds very much like his voice, as well.

  • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/religionprof/ James F. McGrath

    I did a search on Google Books and it turns up in a few Asimov anthologies, and so it seems to be genuinely by him.

    • Benjamin Herbaut

      My name is Ben and I wrote the comment. I am a layman and have never heard of Asimov. It just seemed funny to me that people try to ask questions of the text that are not being asked in the text. I had a longer version where after a couple of days God says “..and now we move into the next second…” Moses says, “can we take a break? this chisel and hammer are giving me tennis elbow.” and God says “How do you know what tennis is?” and Moses says “You told me when you where teaching me everything!”
      My punctuation is pretty bad, sorry. I am dyslexic and couldn’t write until I was nine. I am trying to improve it though.
      It seems to capture the ideas and all the nuances though.

      • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/religionprof/ James F. McGrath

        Hi Ben! Thanks for writing this! I love the addition of a mention of Tennis elbow! :-)

        You ought to consider sending this to a magazine and having it published formally. It really is wonderful!

  • Benjamin Herbaut

    Thanks for your kind comments, and for cleaning up my poor grammar! I would have no clue as to how to get anything published. I have actually used this example many times when talking to people I know about the Biblical account of creation. Knowing that someone else apparently thought of it or something like it first isn’t really surprising. It just seems logical to me.
    I thought of a joke while reflecting on this topic:
    How can you tell someone is a six day creationist?
    They have no eyes or hands.
    A bit crass and possibly divisive, but it made me chuckle. If we are going to take the Bible so literally irrespective of the type of writing, then Jesus is a lamb, a lion and a man all at once among other things.

  • http://www.SketchSepahi.com/ SketchSepahi

    I find it strange that what’s supposedly impossible for God and Moses was easily achievable by phillhellenes in this youtube video.