On Grilled Cheese and God

“How do you like your grilled cheese? Crispy? Gooey?” It is culinarily pitiful that I had to ask my husband of fourteen years this question tonight. It’s literarily pitiful that the quoted question is now in a blog post. It’s just plain frightening that I make up words. Just work with me here, people.

So you’re stuck on the why-were-we-having-fancy-grilled-cheese-for-supper part? It’s complicated. Don’t judge me. Well, you can if you need to.

Tell me it’s not a beautiful thing the way you keep discovering your spouse. Tell me. There is still so much I don’t know about this man of mine. It will take a lifetime. And I still won’t know him. Marriage is many things, but never ever dull. I may be dull as all get out. (Don’t comment on that.) But not my marriage. Not the being married part. It is ferociously alive with struggle, hope, pain, and promise. It feels good to be alive.

“Everyone looked so bored,” my son recently observed after visiting a church. Astute, that kid. Church services may very well be boring. Worship may be boring. I can only conclude we are boring – because God, sweet people, is not boring. Red Sea parting. Manna. Betrayal. Temptation. Love. Murder. Miracles. Adultery. Walking on water. Flood. Feasts. Spirit. Sex. Judges. Jericho. Wars. Politics. Covenant. Blood. More blood. Lots of blood.

Not. Boring.

Look at God’s people. He calls the boring messed-up lot of us His bride. Would you want to marry us? We are covenanted with a God who can’t fully be grasped. He doesn’t sleep. He gives up his kid. He knows the end from the beginning. He desires us. His love is violent. Who is this God?

I’m full of questions for Him. Some of them are real doozies, I tell you. He can take it. It will take a lifetime. It should take a lifetime. I pray it takes a lifetime.

Look over at that love of yours. Even if you are bored. Even if you are boring.  I mean look. Look at the space between you. You see the past. You see promise. You see a mystery. You see God. No? Look harder. Squint if you need to.

  • Michelle

    Great perspective as always :) Love reading what you have to say, you always hit the nail right on the head.

    • Andrea Ferrell

      Too kind of you to say. Thank you for reading.

  • Jennifer Wright

    Andrea, You always speak so eloquently. I too look at John and am amazed at the man he is and what I still have to discover about him after almost 20 years. I truly believe God blessed me with this amazing man. At times yes, it may seem boring but it is always an adventure and I don’t think of it as boring I think of it as comfort and security. Security knowing someone totally gets me and still loves me and won’t leave me when I am grumpy or wake up in the morning and not the model he thinks or wishes he has married. (although he says I am more beautiful without makeup! Now how can you NOT love a man who thinks that) Comfort because I know we can sit and not say a word to each other and it is OK, we just are glad to be together. (it took me awhile to figure this one out, especially since I am a talker) So go ahead and keep figuring out your sweet husband. I know God blessed the two of you with each other! Love you guys, Jennifer

    • Andrea Ferrell

      John is a keeper. Love your thoughts on NOT talking. The ultimate comfort for me is someone I can sit with in total silence.

  • http://thedecorologist.com Kristie Barnett, TheDecorologist

    Great post, Andrea. I really like that part about squinting to see – just the other day I was helping a woman choose a neutral paint color for her walls. We talked about trying to determine the undertones of the neutral colors, and she said it helped her to see them if she squinted. I tried it myself, and she was right! So maybe we can see the not-so-obvious “undertones” of another person if we try to look at them in a slightly different way . . .

    • Andrea Ferrell

      Excellent, KB. Thanks for reading, sweet friend.

  • http://therealdaniel.wordpress.com Daniel Tomlinson

    You rock, plain and simple. When does your book come out?