My Theology of Parenting or Why I Gave up Being God

BK (before kids) I met 2 women with vastly differing parenting styles, both of whom rooted their parenting in their beliefs about the nature of God and humankind—their theology.Donna emphasized God’s order and the sinfulness of humanity.  Therefore, providing babies with a structured environment including scheduled feeding, napping, and playing would corral their sinful natures.  The baby was not the center of the universe.  Instead the baby was a part (albeit an important part) of a commun … [Read more...]

Driving with My Daughter for the 1st Time

Lings had her learner’s permit for a whole 12 days.  I avoided driving with her the whole first week, when Scott took her out 3 times.  I resisted her pressuring me to let her drive during our trip to Chicago.  (“I’m 100% positive that it’s not in the rental car agreement to let an unlicensed 16 year old drive.”)But then Monday night, exactly a week from when Ling got her learner’s permit, Scott booted me out of the front seat of the van where I was waiting for us to drive to a Japanese resta … [Read more...]

Regret–What a Waste

There’s nothing like a college reunion to raise a slew of emotions—and for me, amidst much joy, laughter and celebration, lay the bittersweet taint of regret.Last week, I took my daughter on our first college tour, and attended a reunion celebrating the 25th anniversary of the Northwestern University Graduate Christian Fellowship.  And while I enjoyed every bit of the whole process (other than developing some weird tendonitis on the top of my right foot from walking so much), regret inserted … [Read more...]

Our First College Tour

On Saturday, my oldest child turned 16.  On Monday, she got her learner’s permit.  And yesterday, I walked with her all over my alma mater, Northwestern--our first ever college tour.  Today we look at University of Chicago.Whew!  Time flies when you’re having (or even not having) fun.As I’ve talked about this college trip at the end of her sophomore year, almost everyone (including my husband), says something like, “Wow, you’re starting early!”And of course, I suspect they’re also thi … [Read more...]

Mother’s Day Gifts, or Why I Never Get What I Want

My kids all have “Gift Giving” as their language of love.I do not.They love birthday gifts and Christmas gifts, special treats during the week, little surprises on a shopping trip.  And as they’ve gotten older, they also like giving gifts.  So as my birthday and Mother’s Day came 2 weeks apart, “What do you want?” became an ongoing refrain.“Obedience.”Many eye rolls.  “No!  What do you really want?”“I really want obedience.”More huffs, puffs and shaking of heads, “No, what … [Read more...]

Chocolate=Lies, Sex=Truth

What does it mean when you desire a hot fudge sundae more than sex with your loving, gorgeous, faithful, and servant-hearted husband?When I was still nursing my 2nd child, I attended a women’s conference with the goal of talking to friends about nurturing my marriage while having zero sex drive.  One friend, a former missionary in Africa, said, “That’s why polygamy always made sense to me.  If one wife is nursing and has no sex drive, the husband can go to another!”I attended the tail end … [Read more...]

Best Advice I Ever Got

“Please don’t have her ask me to start a college ministry,” I prayed as I met with my pastor Meli to talk about what I’d be doing for my senior year practicum 25 years ago.Meli outlined the internship involving visiting the sick and dying, co-teaching two Sunday school classes, attending staff meetings and retreats and shadowing her through her day.And I kept praying she wouldn’t ask me to start a college ministry.  I had already watched 3 attempts crash and burn, including one where she … [Read more...]

Conquering Math One Video at a Time

Math has been my enemy. You wouldn't think so because Baba’s a physicist with a Ph.D. in applied mathematics and Mama was a physics major and computer programmer way back in the late ‘50s and early ‘60s.  But he did physics to please his father when he would have rather studied politics.  She was a Chinese immigrant who could speak the language of math and science when English was difficult.Mama often intoned, “Math and science is the way to make it in the world!  All my English and Polit … [Read more...]


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