God Remembers Her - Does the Church?

Down the street from our church is a memory care center.

Picture a woman who lives there. She has followed Christ for decades, but has lived in this new home for the past two years. Sometimes, she gets confused about where she is and often tries to escape. At other times, she hits the staff who try to help her, but she might also fall if they leave her unattended. She forgets the names of her children and grandchildren and treats her husband of fifty years like a stranger. Her family is weary from caring for her, even though she is now in a home.

The pastor also wants to help, but he doesn’t feel like his seminary training has fully prepared him for this. And members from the church have stopped coming by because visits became awkward and uncomfortable. She didn’t recognize any of them and they didn’t know what to talk about until each visit felt like a repeat of Groundhog’s Day. What can the church do to minister in situations such as this?

We have heard a good word for those suffering from dementia and those giving care. Now let’s hear what God’s Word has to say to the church community. Many in my own church serve as caregivers, and some require the care of others. Yet all too often the body of Christ fails to minister to those with chronic ailments and their families. This struggle is mostly due to ignorance, but sometimes due to fear.

Many people with dementia may stop going to church because they lack the initiative themselves or someone to bring them. They also feel embarrassed or disoriented in social situations. They worry about saying something inappropriate or being asked a question they can’t answer. So, it’s easy for the church to forget them—to focus only on the people who are present. Yet the truth remains that these homebound members are still a vital part of the church.

They are still God’s precious children—his image-bearers no matter how this fallen world has afflicted them. As Paul writes, “The parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and on those parts of the body that we think less honorable we bestow the greater honor. . . . If one member suffers, all suffer together” (1 Cor 12:22–23a, 26a).

At our church, we have committed to care for every one of our members, including the homebound, because the church is more than a building. It is more than just whoever shows up on Sunday. The church is the body of people who have committed in membership one to another. If your spouse or your parent, for example, contracted a debilitating illness, you wouldn’t think twice about caring for them. You would be at their side with whatever help they needed. So also in the church, we mustn’t think twice about helping a fellow member in need. We might not know what to do at first. We might be hesitant of the cost. But when we join a local church, we commit to one another: “I’m going to love you even when it’s hard.”

Be Supportive

The first way to help is to be supportive.  Come alongside those struggling with dementia and be present on their journey. Pray for the person and their family. Grieve together. Laugh together. Move toward them as Christ has moved toward you (Rom 12:9-15). Don’t wait for them to ask. Instead, be the one to take initiative.

If you really want to help, be thoughtfully specific in your offer. Don’t just say, “Let me know if you need anything.” Instead, ask: “Can I come over this Tuesday with a hot meal? What needs fixing at your house? Can I help you clean the kitchen? Could I drive you and your caregiver to the next doctor’s appointment?” 

Consider being present for emotional support or to take notes the next time the doctor shares progress of their disease. Write notes or speak words of encouragement on a regular basis (1 Thess 5:11). Give the gift of companionship by combining a trip to the hospital with lunch or coffee. Offer respite to caregivers by spending time with the ailing person to learn the details of how to care for them. Show both the caregiver and the person in need of care that you can be trusted to bear their burdens (Gal 6:2).
Also consider finances: Over half of families report how dementia causes significant financial strain. The church’s benevolence fund might help with everyday provisions or offer assistance with medical bills and health care. Church members can bless one another with their generosity (Luke 6:38). Meals and other services can also help a family reduce their living expenses. So, pray about how you can personally assist a struggling family (1 John 3:17).

Most importantly, keep the family connected to the church body even if they can’t attend in person (Heb 10:24-25). One of the hardest aspects of caregiving is loneliness and spiritual isolation. So, remind them of the church’s presence. Adopt them in your small group. Keep in touch so their prayer requests remain up-to-date. Share how they can pray for you.

Make time to visit or to deliver meals. Meet occasionally in their home if they can’t come to you. The church does good works because we believe the good news (Eph 2:8-10). So, let’s not forget those dealing with progressive memory loss. Instead, we must keep on loving them the way our heavenly Father first loved us (1 John 4:19-21).