“There Is A God, And, I’m Not Him.” – Thoughts On God & Anxiety

The Gathering of the Manna by James Tissot

He was desperate. Clearly.

He knew it. And the priest knew it. So the priest approached the anxious college student hunched in a pew in an empty, cavernous church and the dialogue between them went something like this:

Father Cavanaugh: [in church] Taking your appeal to a higher authority?
Rudy: I’m desperate. If I don’t get in next semester, it’s over. Notre Dame doesn’t accept senior transfers.
Father Cavanaugh: Well, you’ve done a hell of a job kid, chasing down your dream.
Rudy: Who cares what kind of job I did if it doesn’t produce results? It doesn’t mean anything.
Father Cavanaugh: I think you’ll find that it will.
Rudy: Maybe I haven’t prayed enough.
Father Cavanaugh: I don’t think that’s the problem. Praying is something we do in our time, the answers come in God’s time.
Rudy: If I’ve done everything I possibly can, can you help me?
Father Cavanaugh: Son, in thirty-five years of religious study, I’ve come up with only two hard, incontrovertible facts; there is a God, and, I’m not Him.

“There is a God, and, I’m not Him.”

Whoa.

Now, many of you may recall this scene from the 1993 film Rudy. It is an inspiring (and true) tale about a diminutive, blue-collar born kid with enormous heart and a dream to play football for Notre Dame. It is a story of struggle and setback, resilience and reward. And faith plays a central role in the life of this unlikely football player.

But this piece is not about Rudy (for that, see my previous post Rudy, Notre Dame & Three Plays).

It’s about Father Cavanaugh’s profound line.

“There is a God, and, I’m not Him.”

Because I think this sage wisdom has helped countless people cope in the uncertain trenches of life. Including me.

After the Exodus, the Israelites grumbled (and perhaps panicked) at their plight in the desert. Finding themselves short on food and water, they lamented ever having escaped their shackles. Surely a meagerly fed slavery is preferable to a starved freedom, isn’t it?

And then the manna appeared from heaven.

The LORD said to Moses:
I have heard the grumbling of the Israelites. Tell them: In the evening twilight you will eat meat, and in the morning you will have your fill of bread, and then you will know that I, the LORD, am your God. In the evening, quail came up and covered the camp. In the morning there was a layer of dew all about the camp, and when the layer of dew evaporated, fine flakes were on the surface of the wilderness, fine flakes like hoarfrost on the ground. On seeing it, the Israelites asked one another, “What is this?”* for they did not know what it was.

– Exodus 16:11-15

And as they ate that manna and consumed the quail, I presume some must have said to themselves in awe and gratitude, “There is a God, and, I’m not Him.”

In the Gospels, Jesus tells a story of a farmer and the miracle he beholds as he daily tends to his fields.

“This is how it is with the kingdom of God; it is as if a man were to scatter seed on the land
and would sleep and rise night and day and the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how.
Of its own accord the land yields fruit, first the blade, then the ear, then the full grain in the ear.
And when the grain is ripe, he wields the sickle at once, for the harvest has come.”

– Mark 4:26-29

“[He] would sleep and rise night and day and the seed would sprout and grow, he knows not how.” And I imagine there must be times when the farmer sits quietly and in wonder says to himself, “There is a God, and, I’m not Him.”

And I can personally testify to the fact that when I am worried or uncertain about any number of concerns and I prayerfully pay attention, there are innumerable – and I mean innumerable – circumstances when the right person reaches out to me, the right phrase comes to mind, the right opportunity arises and the right outcome prevails. And I am telling you – this is no coincidence. It is the Holy Spirit.

And I look at these circumstances – these moments – and I can do nothing but humbly quote a priest from a movie: “There is a God, and, I’m not Him.”

Years ago, it dawned on me that 90% of life’s worries, fears and miseries are rooted in uncertainty and imperfection. Those things which may or may not happen. Those blemishes which may or may not be fixable. And guess what? We will never fully know the unknowable and we will never fully perfect the imperfectible. And yet, if you like to be in control of as many variables in your life (like I do), this truth is particularly galling if not disconcerting.

But we are not alone. God is here.

And it is not our duty or even our ability to anticipate the uncertain or to perfect the imperfectible. God will guide.

God is not a simple construct, but an eternally living, deeply invested Father. He is active, engaged and desperately interested in us and our welfare. And he wants, so desperately, our company, our fidelity, our faith.

His words reassure, over and over again:

Come to me those of you who are heavy-laden and I will give you rest.
———-
Do not worry.
———-
Ask and you shall receive, seek and you shall find, knock and the door shall be opened for you.
———-
If you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move.
———-
In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.

Hmmmmm…It’s like…he knows us. He grasps that our constant refrain is to worry… and worry…and worry.

But we don’t need to.

God soothes us just as we soothe to our unsettled child, “Shhhh…It’s going to be okay.”

Because the manna is there if we look for it. The crops are growing while we sleep. The right person is coming, the right words are apparent, the right opportunity is nigh, the right outcome prevails.

Oh, it’s not always easy. I’m too world-weary to admit otherwise. In fact, more often than not, there is great sacrifice and suffering involved. The stories of Abraham, David, Mary, Peter and Paul (to name a few) bear this out. And the Passion fits at the very center of the life of Christ. And yet if we root ourselves in faith and prayer – sacrifice and suffering notwithstanding – it is assured that, in God’s good time, we will glimpse the greatest of Truths and we will feel the sweetest of Graces.

And when we do, we can acknowledge with wonder and thanksgiving,